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Hi, friends! Since this post is several years old now, we’ve gone ahead and updated it. Click here to find our updated guide to tipping wedding vendors!

As y’all know, I’m planning a wedding of my own (whoo!), and something that has befuddled me from day one is wedding tipping etiquette. There are so many different sources offering advice, and so many different dollar amounts recommended for so many different vendors at so many different times, that your head can start to spin long before you start separating cash out into envelopes.

Plus, when you’re already shelling out thousands of dollars per vendor, you might find yourself feeling, ahem, a little less than grateful at the thought of tipping on top of your final bill. Believe me, I completely understand! BUT, if you remember that tipping is never required, and should only be used to reward exemplary service, you might begin to feel a little differently.

In case you find yourself wanting to tip certain vendors, I’ve distilled advice from several different sources, including Emily Post, Martha Stewart, and my Momma, and then added in my own two cents. I also put together a handy tipping cheat sheet for us all, which you can download at the bottom of the post and tuck into your pocket come wedding day!

Finally, remember that while cash or a gift is always appreciated, a grateful spirit on your wedding day and a genuine, thoughtful thank you note after your wedding are quite possibly the best thank yous you can give your vendors.

Michelle Warren via Southern Weddings

Wedding Planner
Should I tip? If your planner owns her own business, then no tip is expected, since it’s not customary to tip the owner of a business. However, if you would like to recognize exemplary performance, a personal gift or check is an option.
How much? Up to $500, or 15% of her fee, or a nice gift
When? We recommend sending a thank you note and your check or gift after you return from your honeymoon.

Jodi Miller via Southern Weddings

Delivery and Set-up Staff
Should I tip? It’s a lovely gesture, especially if they were careful to set everything up to your specifications and without causing damage to the surroundings.
How much? $5 – $10 per person
When? Drop off envelopes with your catering manager or wedding planner if they’ll be accepting deliveries on your behalf

Josh McCullock

Wedding Photographer or Videographer
Should I tip? As most photographers and videographers own their own businesses, tipping is not expected or required in this case. Again, a personal gift is always a lovely touch.

Melissa Schollaert

Wedding Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist
Should I tip? Yes, this is one area where a gratuity is definitely expected. However, the owning-their-own-business exception is still in effect, so keep that in mind.
How much? 15-20%, just as you would for a normal appointment
When? On the day of your wedding, after she’s finished getting you prettified

Photos by Tim Will and Caroline Joy (via SW here + here)

Wedding Transportation
Should I tip? Check your contract, because a gratuity is usually included. If it’s not, then one is pretty much expected.
How much? 15-20% of the total bill
When? When the driver picks you up or after the last ride

Virgil Bunao via Southern Weddings

Wedding Ceremony Officiant
Should I tip? It isn’t necessary to tip religious officiants like a priest or minister (many of them, in fact, won’t accept cash tips). In lieu of a tip, a donation to their house of worship is a nice gesture. It’s not expected that you’ll tip a civil employee or non-religious officiant, either (and sometimes, in the case of civil employees, tipping can be illegal). For all officiants, a personal gift, such as a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, would certainly be appreciated.
How much? Approximately $100
When? At the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner

Scobey Photography

Wedding Ceremony Musicians
Should I tip? This one’s definitely optional. If the string trio you hired has arranged or learned a particular song for you at no additional charge, then a tip might be a nice gesture.
How much? $15 – $20 per musician, or 15% of total fee
When? Before the musicians leave your ceremony site

A Bryan Photo via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Band or DJ
Should I tip? It’s completely optional, but somewhat common. For bands that book their own gigs (i.e. separate from an entertainment agency), tipping is not customary.
How much? If you choose to tip, set aside $20-$50 per musician or $25-$150 for DJs
When? Before they leave the reception

Ulmer Studios via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Staff
Should I tip? Oh boy, this one’s the big guy. Yes, you should tip, but make sure a gratuity is not already included in your contract.
How much? There are two ways to tip. The first is to tip as a percentage of the cost of your total catering bill – 15-20%. The second way (which is often more economical), is to tip each staff member individually. If you’re going that route, here is the rule of thumb: catering manager, banquet manager, headwaiter, or maitre d’: $100-$300 or 1-3% of food and beverage fees; chef: $50-$100; waiters and kitchen staff: $20-$30 each; bartenders: 10% of the total liquor bill (to be split among them) or $20-$25 per bartender
When? Before you leave the reception

Now, as promised, my handy cheat sheet for tipping at your wedding – enjoy!

Jodi Miller, Josh McCullock, Melissa Schollaert, and Scobey Photography are fabulous members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

emily Written with love by Emily
33 Comments
  1. avatar Jennifer Underhill reply

    Emily, thank you for this post!!!! I have been meaning to look into tipping (along with a list of 20 other things) and have seen lots of different opinions that are all over the place! thank you for organizing all this into such a concise guide! I’m sure my vendors will appreciate it!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Miss Jennifer! I’m SO glad this is helpful for you! And I completely know what you mean about being overwhelmed by all the different opinions – that’s why I sat down to write this post in the first place!

  2. avatar Kelsey reply

    I’m so glad this was your newest etiquette topic! It gets so confusing and overwhelming, so it’s really nice to have this all in one place!

    I do have any additional/situational question. We don’t have a specific wedding planner, but we do have a coordinator at our reception venue. A fee is automatically added on to our final bill for her services (in addition to the 20% gratuity added for all wait staff and bartenders). Do I need to tip her additionally?
    Thanks! :)

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Kelsey! From my research, it seems like an on-site coordinator falls under the same category as maitre d’, catering manager, etc, so if she’s provided exemplary service or gone above and beyond for you, then I’d recommend a $100-$300 tip. However, I don’t think one is always necessary in this case.

  3. avatar Justin reply

    From the list it looks like you included every
    Wedding vendor but the Florist.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Justin! From my understanding, florists and cake bakers are also usually the owners of their own businesses, and since owners aren’t customarily tipped, y’all wouldn’t need advice on that :) But of course, if you felt your florist went above and beyond, by all means, include a little extra or a personal gift!

  4. avatar A Gatty reply

    Great post, but I will have to disagree on the photography piece. Whether they own their own business or not, I think it should be determined by each situation. As a professional photographer who owns his own business, I worked many weddings without a break so I didn’t miss anything, skipped dinner because ” the wedding planner” thought it was a good idea to feed us last after the guests, which also happens to be the time that the bride and groom are done eating. Did I expect a tip? no but man it would have been a nice gesture given that I went above and beyond. Also nowadays, most wedding vendors own their own business including the wedding planners who are usually the highest paid to start with. If you are going to so generously tip them, it’s only fair to show us “the rest of the vendors” similar treatment.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi A! I completely respect your opinion, but I just have to say that I think a vendor should never be disappointed by not getting a tip, only happily surprised by getting one. Also, I don’t think whether or not a couple tips should be based on the size of the vendor’s fee, but on whether or not he or she provided truly exemplary service. Thanks for chiming in!

  5. avatar The Friday Fresh Squeeze | Floridian Weddings reply

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  10. avatar Christopher Smith reply

    I was an event photographer for 14 years, having retired in December of 2011. What meant the most to me was not a tip but a decent meal and a break to enjoy it. Though I did greatly appreciate the handful of tips I received, a meal meant a lot more.

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  13. avatar Peter reply

    As a wedding photographer, I’d have to say the best “tip” you can give is a referral. I cannot quantify how much that means to us both personally and professionally. Although a bite to eat during the reception is much appreciated as well ;)

  14. avatar Maggie reply

    I have worked in several jobs within the wedding industry and I have to say that the wedding coordinator is probably the most underpaid job of all of them. The reason I say this is that they work for weeks, months and sometimes even a year with the bride and groom putting the wedding together. Many times, the DJ, bands and photographers make them same, if not more money for one night of work (photographers work more than one night however as they have to edit the photos). Not to say that the other vendors don’t work hard, but per hour, the wedding coordinator is the lowest on the totem pole for payment. If your planner goes above and beyond, especially if they own their own business, a tip is very appreciated. I can tell you that most planners put in atleast a 12-16 hour work day, not to mention the hectic week leading up to the wedding. It doesn’t feel so great to be handing out tips galore on behalf of the bride and groom to vendors who show up and work for 4-6 hours when you have slaved away and receive nothing. So it is not expected but really really appreciated.

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  16. avatar Chelsey Morrison reply

    I have sent this post to clients multiple times. Just wanted to say thanks for an easy to understand reference guide that I can keep coming back to!

  17. avatar Akisha reply

    A very thoughtful article that is personally appreciated. Being that I make most of my living from “contract” photography work these days (although I continue to have my own business presence), I feel obliged to add that many engaged couples are using national or regional companies to provide photography and videography services in the current market. In this case (and there are many since the prices of these companies are competitive and most business owners can’t compete in the “budget market”), I think you are inferring that a tip is appropriate. This is due to the fact that the photographer/videographer/DJ’s that work for these companies are making a day rate that is only a portion of what you are paying out. This is generally a fourth or fifth of what they would be making if you were their own client (without overhead included, of course) and they are still treating you with the same respect and hard working attitude they would have if you had hired them directly. I personally do this kind of work because my living depends on it and these companies who can afford big advertising can keep me steadily employed. It’s the closest thing I can get to a regular paycheck and I can tell you at the end of the day, any tip makes a big difference and means the world to the person actually providing you with excellent (hopefully) customer service.

  18. avatar Budgeting For Your Wedding | Magnifique Soirée reply

    […] 3. Prioritize your budget. Once you’ve determined the pool of money available to spend, it’s time to begin slicing it up. Start to talk with your fiance about what’s most important to you both, and start to reach out to vendors and venues with whom you’re interested in working. As quotes come in, you’ll start to see how your money might need to be allocated.Wedding quotes can be eye-popping and confusing at first, but there are lots of articles out there that will help you understand them better (two I recommend on flowers: here and here). It also might be helpful to look at how other couples have split their budget — mine is right here, and Ruffled also runs a great series on real budgets. Also: don’t forget to calculate tips into the cost of each vendor. You can find our tips for tipping here. […]

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  26. avatar Anonymous reply

    Hello Emily,

    I was curious what owning your own business really has to do with tipping or not? I personally believe that tips are earned based on hard work and effort… I agree that it is important to tip the delivery staff and people like that… but the people like photographers and planners who literally spend ALL day long with the bride and groom, making every effort to make sure everything is perfect surely deserve a tip more than the guy who drove the tables to the reception that the bride and groom never met. Small business owners put every single bit of effort that they can into their jobs. They have a true passion and usually end up doing way more work than they are paid for. So why is it etiquette to tip someone for just showing up and doing what they are being paid hourly to do vs tipping someone who will go above and beyond for you? It is pretty hard to be that vendor that goes above and beyond to make the bride and groom’s day perfect and spends 10+ hours with them over the course of the day and then watch the DJ who had a bad attitude and was only there for 4 hours get tipped just because blogs/magazines say that it is etiquette.

    I am a wedding vendor. I work very hard every single wedding to make sure everything is perfect. I don’t ever expect to be tipped or given a gift… but please think and help your readers realize who the people are who really do go above and beyond.

    And brides…. please say thank you to your vendors. You wouldn’t believe how often this little phrase is skipped over. It really makes the small business owners feel so happy and really makes us want to do even more to make your day better! :)

    Thank you,
    Anonymous

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Welcome back to Emily Plans a Wedding! Today I would like to talk with you about our videographer. Yes, we are having a videographer at our wedding!! I am so very excited about this. I’m particularly excited because for a while it didn’t look like it was going to happen for us, and so I’m still pinching myself a bit. I’d love to tell you all about it, and about how we eventually fit video into our budget, because I hope it might help one of you! Let’s go!

As I said, we knew from the very beginning that we wanted a videographer. We hired an insanely talented wedding photographer almost immediately (yay Tanja!) and know without a doubt that come our wedding day, she will do what she does amazingly well. However, because we went over our budget to hire Tanja (which I don’t regret at all!), we only were able to allocate $1,000 for videography in our initial budget. Working at SW, I knew that was far too low, but it didn’t seem there was anything we could do about it except cross our fingers.

On top of the fact that we initially budgeted too little for videography, we didn’t budget anything for videographer travel expenses. Why would that be necessary, you ask? Unfortunately, John and I are not a fan of any of the videographers we’ve been able to turn up in Connecticut, Rhode Island, or Massachusetts. They’re just not our style, and most are so well established as to be prohibitively expensive, at least for us.

Of course, there was one videographer we fell in love with, and of course, they happened to be based in North Carolina. Yes, I’m talking about Inkspot Crow Films.

I had the good fortune to work with MacKenzie and Philip on a shoot SW produced for V4 last summer (you can see their behind the scenes film of the day here!). I, like everyone who meets them (I can only assume), quickly fell in love with their warm personalities and immediately apparent honesty and integrity. Of course, John and I also love their modern but classic filming style, and their story-driven editing. All in all, they are exactly the sort of people you want following you around on your wedding day.

There was only one thing to do, then, and that was inquire about their packages and pricing. Ladies, I was so nervous!! Not because I thought they’d be mean to me or anything, but because before I inquired, I could hold out hope that our budget would be enough, even though in my heart of hearts I knew it wouldn’t be. Do you know what I mean?? And yes, as nice as MacKenzie is, even her niceness couldn’t help the fact that their basic package was three times our budgeted amount. So we sadly parted ways, though MacKenzie did offer to waive their travel fee if we could make everything else work, since they could combine the trip up North with a visit to her Mom. A supremely kind offer to be sure, but still, not much to go on.

Fast forward to two months ago. I received a completely unexpected and very generous gift, and immediately decided to put it towards video. With that gift plus our initial budgeted amount, we were suddenly 2/3 of the way towards our goal. At that point, we knew we could make it work, so we sat down and took an even harder look at our budget. Extra hors d’oevres? Gone. Beloved bamboo chairs? Replaced by less fancy ones. Custom cocktail napkins? Gone. Less expensive (but still awesome!) band instead of more expensive band? Yes. Borrowing a few accessories from dear friends and family instead of buying them? Yes. Mini cutting cake? Now being made by yours truly instead of our caterer. With these cuts and more, we were able to shift enough of our resources towards video to make it a reality for us. Thank goodness Inkspot was still available on our date!

I know that videography isn’t a priority for everyone, and if it’s not for you, then that’s totally fine! But if it is a priority, and you haven’t hired someone because you don’t think you can afford it, I would encourage you to look again. I would make those cuts and more three times over to have a moving record of our day. We have a lifetime to throw parties with awesome details, but only one chance to capture the ones we love the most in action on one of the most special days of our lives. I have never heard a bride say she regrets spending money on videography, but I have heard more couples than I can count say not hiring a videographer is their number one regret. I didn’t want that to be us, and thankfully, it won’t be.

Whenever I got sad about something we were cutting from the budget, I had a few tricks to make me feel better — maybe they’ll work for you, too! First, watching one of Inkspot’s highlight films can always put a smile on my face. I’ve sprinkled a few of my favorites throughout this post! Second, whenever I had a doubt about whether the expense of videography was worth it, I’d go read through Inkspot’s reviews on Wedding Wire. Hearing the beyond-glowing affirmations of past clients is what really tipped the balance for us in the end — not so much about MacKenzie and Philip’s talent (we already were convinced of that!), but of how GLAD and thankful these couples were that they had spent the money in the end.

Trust me, I am not trying to put the lean on anyone to hire Inkspot Crow or anyone else, I’m not encouraging anyone to bust their budget, and I sincerely hope I’m not making you feel worse if you’ve already looked at the numbers and concluded videography’s not in the cards for you. BUT. If you love videography, if you see the value of it for you and your fiance, and if you REALLY want to make it work, I’m here to encourage you!! To finish, here are a few more budget tradeoffs that I think would be worth it in the end:

— Do your hair and/or makeup yourself, or have a talented friend do it.
— Cut back on your bar package.
— Forgo ordering an album from your photographer (you can always ask for it later as a Christmas, birthday, or anniversary gift).
— Buy a less expensive pair of shoes (mine were $35!) or wear a pair you already own. Same goes for jewelry, hair accessories, clutches, etc.
— Skip favors.
— Make one larger menu instead of placing one at each guest’s seat, or drop menus all together.
— Cut back on ceremony decor or cut it altogether. Whether you’re getting married outside or in a church, the focus will be on you and your fiance, not fancy decor, anyway. We might have wreaths on our church doors, but that’s it — nothing inside the church.
— Serve just one hors d’ouevres at your cocktail hour, or none at all. Consider shortening your cocktail hour to a cocktail half hour if you choose to do this.

There are many more ways to cut costs at a wedding, but I trust you’ll find the ones that pain you and your fiance the least :)

Ladies and gents, tell me: Are you hiring a videographer? Whether or not you’re hiring a videographer, I’d love to hear some more suggestions on relatively painless ways to cut costs. I’m sure we could all use some help in that department, and I’d love to learn from y’all!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!
We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres
We send out our save the dates
I gather hair and makeup inspiration
We talk cake and sweets

Note: As many of you know, Inkspot Crow Films is a member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory. However, this post is NOT a form of paid advertising, and they did not give me any special discounts for my wedding… though I wish they had :) Just kidding!! But seriously, John and I obviously love them, and this post is the straight-up truth containing only my personal opinions.

emily Written with love by Emily
31 Comments
  1. avatar amanda reply

    I’m curious to this too. I’m not sure if I really need a videographer or not! I’m dying over the new videos like Inkspot Crow but I KNOW I can cut things, but also my budget IS small, around $15,000 total in Raleigh. But I found a videographer whose prices aren’t bad but I’m already chipping in for the photographer and maybe the invitations myself (photographer is unbeknowst to my family but I just HAD to have her so I fudged the price a little) so I’m just not sure! Ah! I’m curious to how other brides/wives/brides to be feel about this! So I’d love some response too. :) Yay for your ability to get Inkspot Crow!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Amanda! We’re definitely chipping in for things ourselves, especially for things that are traditionally considered “extras.” Our budget is split as follows: 43% my parents, 32% John’s parents, 14% John and me, and 11% my grandma. We definitely could have cut our budget and not put in any money ourselves, but I think of our budget contribution as being for things (like, perhaps videography), that I wouldn’t necessarily expect our parents to pay for, but that are extremely important to US as a couple. I hope that helps a bit! :)

    • avatar Brittany R reply

      Emily: I love that you let us in on your budget percentage breakdown. So glad to hear that someone else is having their groom’s family paying for a significant portion of the wedding! I think that’s more of a reality these days anyways. Thanks for sharing!

  2. avatar Jessica Stephens reply

    Emily you won’t regret it one bit! Hiring a videographer for our wedding was hands down the BEST money we spent on our wedding. We had to stretch a bit ourselves ( smaller centerpieces at the reception, less decor, bought cheaper shoes, my best friend did my hair, etc.) but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! We honestly watch it all the time between my nieces and nephews who want to see me in my “princess” dress :)
    See for yourself if you would like!
    http://indieatlanticfilms.com/?woo_video=jessica-jason

    • avatar Emily reply

      Oh Jessica, I love hearing from people like you! Can’t wait to watch your video! :)

    • avatar Jessica Stephens reply

      Emily: Oops! I meant to post the trailer ( http://indieatlanticfilms.com/?woo_video=jessica-and-jasons-barrington-hill-wedding-trailer ) not the full length! Sorry about that!

    • avatar Ashley, Indie Atlantic Films reply

      Yay! We just love Jason and Jessica!! Your wedding was by far, one of our most FAVORITES to capture!! You guys are just AMAZING!! :)

    • avatar Ashley, Indie Atlantic Films reply

      Hey Brandy, we would love to chat with you about our packages and what we offer. We can customize our packages to fit within your needs/budget. Send me an e-mail and I would be happy to send you our price guide. :)

      ~Ashley
      Indie Atlantic Films
      [email protected]

  3. avatar Victoria reply

    I don’t know if I want to spend the money on a videographer. I went over my photography budget, and I’m SO excited about that aspect, and I just don’t know how often I will watch a video…I know I would love having it, but I’ll be just as married without one and I feel like my photos will cover everything I want them to. :)

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Victoria! If you aren’t passionate about having videography, then 100% don’t do it!! It’s by no means a necessity. And, knowing the amazing choice you’ve made for photography, I know that will be a wonderful way to remember your big day by :)

  4. avatar NatalieG reply

    Hey Emily,
    I was looking at your post about your photographer using … just wondering if you ladies at SW could suggest a photographer in the AR area :)

    Thanks!!!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Natalie! I’m happy to try! Unfortunately, I just am not familiar with too many (if any!) photographers in Arkansas. My best recommendation would be to bring someone in from a neighboring state. Josh McCullock is one of my FAVORITE photographers and he’s based in OK. Amanda Watson is also a great photographer based in OK, with a bit more of a vintage processing style. I hope this helps a little bit, and if I think of anyone else, I will definitely email you! Best of luck with your search!

  5. avatar Jennifer reply

    I hope you share some clips with us of your happy day! What is your new last initial going to be? What colors are you using? I may be able to help you on your wreaths for the church doors. I DIYed two for our church doors & have some helpful (budget friendly) tips.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Jennifer! Of course I will share!! My new last initial will be T :)

  6. avatar Jenna reply

    I loved this post. I admit I was a little nervous when I started reading that it would end up as a case where you were granted some sort of special privilege (although I guess since I know you and know who you are that wouldn’t make sense with your personality!), but I loved how it all worked out. You are a real bride talking about how you make things work, and I love reading your posts. I look forward to watching your video and seeing so many faces I recognize (and love!)

    • avatar Emily reply

      Thank you so much, Miss Jenna! Yes, I think it will be especially fun for you to watch our video :)

  7. avatar Ashley Pepitone reply

    There are oh, so many things I would have done differently if I could re-plan my wedding, but probably the biggest would have been to hire a videographer. I had never seen the beautiful, artistic work that is available now and I just kept envisioning the cheesy reels of yore. Good on ya for recognizing the importance of capturing the sounds, sights, and movement of your day- not just for you, but for future generations to enjoy.

    • avatar Emily reply

      The work that some wedding videographers are turning out now is SO different that even just a few years ago, don’t you think? Honestly, before we found Inkspot, we would rather have just filmed and edited something ourselves (with the help of family and friends, like we did for my sister’s wedding), than hired someone whose style we didn’t love!

  8. avatar Kelsey reply

    Emily, I totally agree – I had such a similar situation! There was no room in the budget for videography when we started planning, so I put it out of my mind. Then I started interning for a wedding planner here in Raleigh and realized what I would be missing out on! I started inquiring about prices – was pretty crestfallen like you were – but then decided we just had to make it work because I’d regret it if we didn’t do it! I decided to go with somewhat of a beginner on the wedding scene, because his prices are still lower than most, but he has excellent experience in videography and filmmaking in general. We’ve decided to dip into my fiance’s savings to cover it, but I think it will be so worth it. One thing my videographer does that I’m really excited about is interviews with those special to the bride and groom – I think those will mean so much to us to watch over the years! Something else for brides to consider is that even though photography will capture the moments, it won’t capture the voices of those you love (like your groom saying his vows!), the music, or the action of things you might not see, like the groomsmen getting ready and guests arriving! :)

    • avatar amanda reply

      Kelsey: I live in Raleigh and I posted about thinking of whether or not I did want a videographer but if you have any recommendations for a lesser price I would totally be interested in looking at your vendors if you don’t mind! It seems the people I find in the magazines scattered about town want $3,000+! Which is definitely and physically out of budget for sure! Thanks!!

    • avatar Kelsey reply

      Hi Amanda! I am using Peyton Lea (Peyton Lea Productions: http://peytonlea.com/) Weddings are not his main thing, but you could certainly inquire! He just started his own company and previously worked for Exum Photography. Also look at f8 in motion (http://www.f8inmotion.com/) They have been doing wedding photography for a while, but more recently started doing videography. You could definitely do either for less than $3,000!

  9. avatar Kelly reply

    Videography is something that I so desperately want, but haven’t had the courage to ask my fiance to put in the budget. I would love to be able to share our vows with our children or grandchildren as well as relive our best friends’ speeches. John and I are covering all of our expenses ourselves and he just wants to throw a great party. I am hoping that once it all comes together we can find a videographer that I love and he wants to pay for. It will probably be one of the last decisions we make, which will also limit we can book.
    I hoping that I can cut corners in other places on top of the savings we have already found so we can afford it. We blew a lot of our budget on an expensive venue but it doesn’t need much decor. I LOVE flowers, but we won’t have any floral arrangements outside of bouquets, corsages and boutonnieres. John proposed with candles so I think it would be great to incorporate them. Everywhere.
    I won quite a few contests, including invitations, a birdcage veil, a gift certificate for our DJ among other items.
    I used a Groupon for Vistaprint for to get our save the dates that I designed which ended up costing $24. I opted for a postcard design so the postage will be less. I plan to do the same for our RSVP cards to cut out the cost of an extra envelope as well as cutting postage there.
    I go back and forth on this, but I love baking and might end up making cupcakes or purchasing donuts to make a tower topped by a cutting cake.
    We selected a caterer that will allow us to bring in our own alcohol, so we can purchase a couple of kegs and some wine. Anything that doesn’t get consumed, we get to keep.
    These are just some of the ways we are keeping our budget in check, and hopefully we can get everything we want!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Kelly! Love all these ideas! I also love candlelit weddings, so I 100% go for it!

  10. avatar Sarah reply

    Hi Emily, I was so glad to see this post, and am thrilled that you hired Inkspot! Your story really resonated with me as I went through the same agony and decision process, and was eventually able to make room to hire Inkspot Crow for my wedding in August as well! I’m especially excited as MacKenzie’s sister Meredith Perdue is our photographer, so it’s going to be quite the family affair!

    It was so reaffirming to hear another bride going through the same thought process, and making the same decision! Best wishes — I can’t wait to see your highlight video!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Sarah! Oh, I’m SO happy to hear that! I completely adore MacKenzie, Philip, AND Meredith, and I know you will be in excellent hands. Can’t wait to see YOUR video (and photos) pop up on their blogs!!

  11. avatar Brandy reply

    I am currently struggling with this decision as well. I am trying to figure out if we want to add the expense right now or not. My gut feeling tells me i will regret it if i dont but it’s so expensive for a good one. I have considered hiring Inkspot, Heart Stone, or Life Stage Films. I am pleased to her that Inkspot was willing to work with you guys but still unsure. I am absolutely LOVE Life Stage but I am betting they are pricey. Has anyone used any of these videographers in the past?

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Brandy! I have worked with both Inkspot and Lifestage before (and we love Heartstone, too!). Inkspot’s basic package is $2,900 (or at least it was when we booked them). The package with Lifestage was about $5,000, I believe, so they are more expensive, but we loved working with them, as well. Other readers have posted some good options on this post that you might want to look into: Indie Atlantic (FL) and Peyton Lea (NC). I also JUST heard about another Wilmington film company, Blueberry Fusion. I’m not sure what their pricing is like, but they could be worth a look!

    • avatar Brandy reply

      Emily: Thanks! I will take a look at your suggestions. Such a hard decision!!

  12. avatar Kelsey reply

    We’re using MacKenzie and Phillip for our June wedding and I couldn’t be happier! I struggled with finding a videographer too because I knew what style I wanted and our budget wasn’t working with us. I’m so glad we figured it out because I know our video is something that we’ll watch (as will our family and future children) for years to come!

  13. avatar Katie reply

    I can’t believe I just now discovered this post, because this is the battle I currently feel like I am fighting. We’ve been going back and forth on the videographer for about 6 months now, and every time I think we are going to move forward with booking, something happens to change that (and by “something” I mean we lose the funding). I definitely think there are many places we can cut corners, it just comes down to finding something quality that’s not going to cost over $5000 total (we’d prefer something around $4000). Also, our wedding takes place in southwest VA, so choices there are extremely limited, which means we always have to pay for travel. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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Love Southern wedding traditions and want to include them in your wedding? We wrote our e-book just for you!

When I got married (a little over three years ago), most people weren’t even considering doing a “first look.” My how things change so quickly! While I am a fan of the stunning, emotional images that a first look can help achieve, I am an old soul, and pretty traditional when it comes to weddings. Unsurprisingly, BDK and I opted not to see each other before our ceremony. For us, this was definitely the right decision.

As y’all may know, most Southerners are “Daddy’s girls,” so this sweet tradition that we’ve been seeing is a perfect solution! Want those emotional “first look” photos without actually seeing your beau before the wedding day? Let your daddy step in!

Jason Mize, next two Ray Anthony, Dixie Pixel, Julie A. Whitlock

Y’all, these images could bring a tear to the driest eye!

Emily and I are both huge fans of this sweet twist! The moment when a father first sees his daughter in her wedding gown can be a very emotional and memorable moment. Especially when, as in the photo by Dixie Pixel above, his daughter chooses to wear his wife’s wedding gown! Though a wedding day is focused on the bride and groom, we love when a bride takes a few minutes to spend with just her father.

Special thanks to Moment Junkie, where we found several of these images! Check out their blog for many more moving wedding photographs.

Will you be having a “first look” or did you do a “first look” with your groom — or your Dad? What do you think of this new twist on the tradition?

Dixie Pixel is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

marissa Written with love by Marissa
45 Comments
  1. avatar Megan reply

    I am definitely planning on doing a first look with my Daddy before the ceremony..with lots of tissues in hand! Just looking at those pictures above made me grab for a kleenex!

    • avatar Marissa reply

      Hi Megan! I’m so glad to hear that! I am sure the photos will be amazing, but most important it will be an incredibly special moment for you two! xx, MAK

  2. avatar NatalieG reply

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful idea!!! I had not heard of doing this….I am so excited to surprise my Daddy!!! <3

  3. avatar Erin reply

    AAAAAANd I started crying just LOOKING at these pictures! You guys!!!!

  4. avatar Lisa reply

    Oh my goodness, this is the sweetest thing!! These pictures are so beautiful!

  5. avatar Annie reply

    Oh my lord, this is the sweetest thing ever! When my husband and I were planning the wedding, my dad couldn’t even talk about the father-daughter dance song (“My Girl” by the Temptations) without having to excuse himself because he was so emotional. On the actual day he got teary several times but held it together well, too.

    • avatar Marissa reply

      Aw! That is so sweet, Annie! It’s such a proud, and emotional moment for fathers! I’m sure yours was so happy!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Annie, this is so going to be my Dad. I’m a little nervous just thinking about it!!

  6. avatar Latrice reply

    this is so precious & I think more brides will definitely do this!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

  7. avatar Madelynne Miller reply

    OMYGOSH. Heart just melted. My dad looks at me that way every time I model my gown for him :)

  8. avatar Michelle reply

    My first look with my dad was one of my favorite memories of my wedding day.

    When I walked down the staircase he started to lose it! Fearing I would lose it too, I started singing his favorite song, 2011- The USC Gamecocks fight song (yes, I sang it). Being that he is a former football coach, I told him it was “game time” for both of us and we were getting ready for a big win :)

    He smiled, laughed, and cried all at the same time. It was perfect.

    -Michelle

    PS: We got married on the day of the Carolina vs. Clemson game – so there were two big wins that day!

    • avatar Marissa reply

      What a great memory, Michelle! As a big football fan myself, I bet this was awesome! And, wow def a big football day to get married! xx, MAK

  9. avatar Lindsay{LCVintage} reply

    Aww, I love those! I did a first look with my Dad and it was so cute.

  10. avatar Katie reply

    My eyes are brimming with tears! I sure hope nobody comes into my office to ask me anything. My fiance and I are totally against doing a first look ourselves–call me old fashioned but that’s how I’ve felt since I was about five years old. I definitely plan on doing a first look with my dad. Considering that he seemed more excited than I was to show off my engagement ring the following morning at church (and trust me, that had to be A LOT of excitement), his emotions on the actual Big Day will probably be out of control, so I know it will be incredibly special and memorable.

    • avatar Marissa reply

      Hi Katie! I agree, I was a very traditional bride, but this is such a sweet solution. And I bet your dad will be so happy you are taking the time to spend with him during such a special day! xx, MAK

  11. avatar Nancy Ray reply

    Oh my word, I’m tearing up over here! That last one is just precious!
    I have a Daddy First Look photo from my wedding day and it’s one of my favorites. Such sweetness!

  12. avatar Emily reply

    My mom says dad can’t even talk to her about my wedding without getting choked up, so I know he’ll make this a great photo. No matter how old I get he’ll still be my Daddy!

    A comprimise on the first look with the groom though is the photos I’ve seen of the bride and groom each on a side of a solid door holding hands and not looking at each other. I love them.

  13. avatar The Friday Fresh Squeeze | Floridian Weddings reply

    […] dresses? Hop on over here to see the fabulous line. I got a little teary eyed looking at these first looks with dad photos. An engagement at a winery with their cute dog! This engagement session shot by one of our […]

  14. avatar Weekly Wedding Favorites | Going to the Chapel reply

    […] know how I feel about “Daughters” by John Mayer. As a result, I was clearly dying when I read this post by Southern Weddings about this trend. It’s surely one to consider if you are feeling more […]

  15. avatar joy reply

    Love the twist on this. I would also like to mention that it’s not only southern girls that are “Daddys’ Girls.” =) The photos are precious……………great way to capture those special, emotional, happy moments.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Joy! Of course! I’m not technically a Southern girl myself, but I do love my Dad :)

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  18. avatar Love It or Leave It? First Look | | Brazos Valley Bride reply

    […] Want to keep the old traditions and still do a First Look? Have a special moment with your father before the wedding day. http://iloveswmag.com/2012/03/01/southern-traditions-a-first-look-with-dad/ […]

  19. avatar Chic Critique Forum | Posh Poses for Dads reply

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  20. avatar Amanda reply

    These pictures are beautiful and really capture the emotions! We haven’t decided if we are doing a first look with my fiancé. I wish I could get these pictures. My dad passed 10 years ago and this aspect is the hardest part. Thank you for sharing the pictures! Beautiful!

    • avatar Marissa reply

      Hi Amanda! I’m sorry to hear about your dad – I know that must be very difficult for you. I’m sure he would be so proud to know you now, and I’m sure he will be looking down on you smiling on your wedding day. xx

  21. avatar Ayako reply

    Amazing pictures! Brought tears into my eyes. I so wish I had picture like that with my dad. My photographer was no show on my wedding. What a memory right? ;..(

  22. avatar Happy Father’s Day! | Chancey Charm Weddings | Wedding Planning & Design | Destination Weddings | Atlanta – Athens – Madison – Macon | Denver – Estes Park – Colorado Springs | Charleston reply

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  23. avatar Premier regard d’un père sur sa fille en mariée { En Août, Take a Look } « sohappily reply

    […] Source Share this:EmailJ'aime ceci:J'aimeBe the first to like this. 06 août This entry was published on 6 Août 2012 at 9 h 18 min. It’s filed under Eux, Inspirations, Jolie idée and tagged ambiance, blog, blog décoration mariage, blog inspiration mariage, blog mariage, faire-part, fête, fiancailles, french blog, french wedding blog, happily, Happily Factory, idée, inspiration, lumière, mariage, mariée, original, papa, père, photo, photographe, robe. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. […]

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  31. avatar everybody talks about the picture of when the groom first sees the bride but don't forget about a pic when her daddy first sees her… Love this! @ wish-upon-a-weddingwish-upon-a-wedding reply

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  32. avatar Erica reply

    I LOVE all of these pictures!! I have started taking pictures and my first wedding shoot is next weekend. The Bride-to-be wants a lot of pictures of her and her daddy. This Is a great idea of taking a picture of the first time the dad sees his dauhter, My daddy passed away seven months ago and I know just how special my picturesof me and my daddy are and will always be from my wedding.

  33. avatar Couture Boudoir | Atlanta Photographer reply

    Love the emotion in this post! How sweet are these dads.

  34. avatar 30 Gorgeous Father of the Bride (Or Groom) Moments | Bridal Musings reply

    […] Photo by Julie Whitlock Photography via Southern Weddings  […]

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