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Southern Weddings

Author: Emily

Happy Friday, friends! We have a Southern Newlywed treat for you today. Audrey and Jeremy Roloff, who run a marriage ministry called Beating50Percent, are here sharing a practice that has made a huge difference in their married life. Don’t miss the promo code they graciously included below! – Emily

We are stubbornly confident that there are still people in pursuit of covenant marriages: marriages that are undividedly devoted, completely committed, persistently selfless, value-centered, joy-filled, and love-based. In the United States, researchers estimate that 50 percent of all first marriages will end in permanent separation or divorce. The risk is even higher for second marriages (by some estimates, about 60 percent). How is it that our grandparents’ generation is committed to their marriages at age 80, yet as a 24-year-old, most of my friends’ parents are divorced or remarried by age 50?

What has caused the pendulum to swing so far? Why are people getting married later, ending marriage sooner, and remarrying multiple times? I was in an old antique shop once and read a quote that I think sums it up the best: “Back in our day, when something broke, you fixed it instead of throwing it away.” The quote was inked over a photo of an elderly couple holding each other close.

But isn’t that just it? When our grandparents were growing up, if their car, bike, sink, dress, bed, or radio broke, they fixed it. Nowadays, most people wouldn’t even know how to fix those things even if they wanted to. If it breaks, they just buy a new one — a better one. Seemingly nothing is irreplaceable. And so the same concept has unfortunately translated to our marriages: if it breaks, just get a new one…

Dawn Photography

My husband and I, and I’m confident we’re not alone in this, want to have a marriage marked by “fixing” instead of “throwing away.” To help, we have prioritized a rhythm in our marriage that has led to tremendous payoff: our Navigator’s Council.

Our Navigator’s Council started out as a weekly “coming together” for Jeremy and I to communicate on important matters, share hurts and struggles, celebrate achievements, review where we’ve been, and dream about where we are headed. We were advised to do this by our pre-marital counselors, who had been asking each other a series of questions and recording their answers in a journal every week since their wedding day 18 years earlier. Jeremy and I immediately latched onto this idea and knew we wanted to do something similar!

On our honeymoon, we made a commitment to a practice of weekly councils. Here are a few of my favorite questions we ask every week:

— What’s one thing I can do for you this week?
— What is something that was hard this week?
— What is a dream, craving, or desire that has been on the forefront of your mind this week?

We have been doing our Navigator’s Councils every Sunday since we’ve been married (with the exception of a few, of course!) and each Sunday is a call to reconciliation, a burning away of bitterness, a revelation of truth, and a strengthening of our love.

Not only is our Navigator’s Council a review of where we’ve been and where we are going, but it is a time to share, a call to transparency, a reminder of truth, a discerning of dreams, and a harvesting of love. As we’ve reflected on old entries, we smile at what this simple journal has prevented us from, and the standard it has held us to. The hour that we set aside on Sundays to create time and space for the discipline of communication has been crucial. Yes, it’s a discipline, but I would argue it’s a vital one for marriage – without communication, we are left to assume, and the Navigator’s Council doesn’t leave room for assumptions. Instead, it turns knowing more into loving more.

When we launched Beating50Percent, we knew we wanted to take this practice that’s been so helpful for us and make it available to everyone, so we launched the Navigator’s Council journal. The foundation of the journal is six questions that you will ask each other, and record your answers to, once a week. (We share one journal and take turns writing week by week.) Each week also includes a short devotional and a weekly calendar.

Like us, we hope that someday you will have a bookshelf full of Navigator’s Council journals that have strengthened and recorded the growth of your love. Whether you are newlywed or you’ve been married for 30 years, we believe our Navigator’s Council journal can transform your marriage! We hope that this practice will help you to have the kind of love that’s marked by fixing instead of throwing away.

Thank you so much for sharing, Audrey! For a 15% discount on the Navigator’s Council journal, head over to the Beating50Percent site and use code SOUTHERNWEDDINGS15!

emily Written with love by Emily
3 Comments
  1. avatar Kyla Shattuck reply

    This is an incredible idea! Thank you for sharing! :)

  2. avatar Julie reply

    Tried promo code and didn’t work :( please let me know once fixed. Thx!

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“Money is the number one issue that causes couples to argue.” So says Toni Coleman, renowned psychotherapist and relationship coach… and, well, pretty much everyone I’ve ever talked to about marriage – ha!

One of the things I’m most grateful for in my marriage is that my husband and I have always been on the same page about money… but what if that’s not you and your significant other? Are you just doomed?

NO! Sorry-not-sorry for the all caps, but you’re 100% not doomed. There are some incredible resources out there to help you both get on the same page and change your future with money, and one of the best ones I know is Dave Ramsey’s book Total Money Makeover.

In his book, Dave condenses 20 years of financial teaching and counseling into seven organized, easy-to-follow steps that will lead you out of debt and into a total money makeover. It’s a plan designed for everyone, regardless of income, age, or religion (though Dave himself is a Christian).

Total Money Makeover can help you:
— design a sure-fire plan for paying off ALL Debt
— recognize the 10 most dangerous money myths
— secure a comfortable nest egg for emergencies
— radically change your life and your family’s legacy

Sounds good, right? But so do a lot of things. To show you what an impact Dave’s principles can have on real couples, I reached out to a few readers to share the effect this book has had on their marriages and financial future. I hope these stories inspired you as much as they did me — these ladies (and gents) are rocking it!!

Who they are: Ashley and Josh
What Dave’s principles helped them accomplish: They have paid off $18,700 of debt in four months using the snowball method. Their goal is to be 100% debt free in two years.
How they did it: Gazelle intensity! Ashley started a side business (on top of her full-time corporate job) to help pay off debt, and Josh has picked up two extra jobs (one in the evenings after work, and one on the weekends), to help accelerate their debt snowball. By the end of July, they will have paid off close to $23,000!
Their biggest takeaway from the book: “The most amazing thing we’ve gotten from following Dave’s model is unity. Dave talks about the fact that when you and your spouse are both focused with gazelle intensity on ONE goal together, you become more unified than ever, and that has rung true for us.”

Who they are: Bethany and Kent
What Dave’s principles helped them accomplish: Sticking to a budget on smaller salaries (she’s a teacher, he works in ministry at a summer camp), including putting over $1,000 a month toward student loan debt.
How they did it: “Making a budget and following through with it was a HUGE eye-opener. If we didn’t have a budget and stick to it, I can guarantee that we’d just blow that money on food, clothing, and other material possessions, none of which we actually need.”
Their biggest takeaway from the book: “Working towards a common goal has strengthened our marriage and our faith. While my husband has always been a man of few possessions, I definitely have not. I want the beautiful home, the nice and newest clothes, and the coffee treats. Because we only use cash for personal spending, I don’t have a way to exceed my budget. It forces me to not look for satisfaction or happiness in material things, but seek satisfaction in the Lord.”

Who they are: Diana and Kyle
What Dave’s principles helped them accomplish: “The “baby steps” outlined in Total Money Makeover helped us pay off $30K of debt in less than a year and build an emergency fund that now always holds at least $10,000. That emergency fund is for true emergencies–we have a separate short-term savings account we use to save money for hospital bills, replacing a car, etc.–so we’ve never had to dip into it. It’s amazing to live with margin and without a lot of financial stress weighing heavy on our marriage.”
How they did it: “We started by tracking everything we spent so we would have enough understanding of our expenses to create a budget. We had no clue what we were spending–it was eye-opening! (Read: Horrifying.) Then we created a budget, tracked every dollar we spent, and got a little radical about our spending. Surprisingly, it was fun in a weird way. We felt really united as a couple tackling our debt together and became creative and resourceful about achieving our goal.”
Their biggest takeaway from the book: “We still love Dave’s famous encouragement that, ‘If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.’ It’s tough to live below your means when most people around you don’t, but patience and contentment pays off! To us, this quote doesn’t mean that if we live frugally now, we’ll get to enjoy a plush life when we’re older; it means that we will get to give radically because our own financial needs won’t be a concern anymore.”

Who she is: Jennifer
What Dave’s principles helped her accomplish: Jennifer had the margin to follow the call to work in ministry (her dream job!) because she no longer had student loan debt from an expensive graduate degree.
How she did it: “My Dad has been a Dave fan for many years and gifted all of my siblings with his book upon graduating high school. A few years later, though, I found myself signing on the line for $60,000 worth of Master of Architecture loans. After graduate school, I found Total Money Makeover again and finally put it to use. I paid off all of my student loans in under two and a half years by taking on a second job (which provided me free housing) and throwing all of my money at my loans.
Her biggest takeaway from the book: “I’m very thankful for the financial freedom I have now. It’s allowed me to finally say yes to the call to work in ministry that’s God has been placing on my heart for a while now. I know if I were still paying my student loans each month I wouldn’t have been able to consider the career move (financially, yes, but also from the guilt of switching while still paying for that grad degree!).”

Who they are: Britt and Dustin
What Dave’s principles helped them accomplish: They paid cash for their entire home renovation ($180,000 over about three years). “It was an old home that had caught on fire and we naively bought from a family member not having a clue what we were doing – it needed to be entirely gutted.”
How they did it: “Several years ago we took the leap and started working with a financial coach (who had learned under Dave’s principles initially) to get us headed in the right direction. It only took a few phone calls of us connecting together with him to get a better understanding of the purpose behind organizing our finances better. Since then, we’ve made a zero based budget every. single. month. Which just blows my mind, considering my husband was anything but excited about the concept of a budget from the beginning. Now it’s just a habit: it takes us five minutes on the last day of every month, and I don’t foresee us stopping anytime soon.”
Their biggest takeaway from the book: “Dave’s principles have changed us as individuals, changed our perspective on marriage and truly being a team, and allowed us to pay cash for everything we do now. We simply don’t buy it if we can’t pay cash, and we believe that’s the best thing for us and what we ultimately want for our life and our family.”

Ready to get your own financial house on track? Total Money Makeover is available wherever books are sold in physical, audio, and e-book form, and it makes a great gift for an engagement party, bridal shower, or newlywed couple. Buy it here on Amazon, and grab a few accompanying freebies right here!

This post is sponsored by Harper Collins. Thank you for your support of the brands who make Southern Weddings possible!

emily Written with love by Emily
6 Comments
  1. avatar Lindy reply

    I LOVE this article! (I’m a bit of a Dave Ramsey fan, and while I’ve never read the Total Money Makeover, I have listened to a LOT of his podcasts. They motivated me while my husband and I were completing Baby Step 6, which we just finished last week! Woohoo!)

    • avatar Emily reply

      My husband and I are huge fans of his Entreleadership podcast! So much good stuff even if you’re not a business owner!

  2. avatar Lauren reply

    I originally gained insight into Dave Ramsey through Emily’s personal blog and borrowed the book from the library. I was able to pay off $5,000 in credit card debt with his principles! Love this post!

  3. avatar Emily B. reply

    I too borrowed the audio book from the library and ended up listening to it twice since it was so good and had so many good nuggets of information. Year to date I’ve paid off $6,800 towards my car loan and have vowed to never finance a vehicle again. So happy to see other women so fired up about personal finance!!! Thanks Emily for a great post!

  4. avatar Emily M. reply

    What a great post! I’m a big fan of Dave Ramsey, and really believe his approach allows couples to grow in new, financially-healthy ways! My fiance and I love his podcasts too!

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Friends, it took me two and a half years to order a wedding album. Ugh! You, too? If you’re in the same stalling-and-searching boat, I’ve got great news for you!! Shutterfly has a beautiful wedding photo book offering, and I think it’s just what you’re looking for, you bargain-hunting but aesthetically-gifted gal :) Here are eight reasons I love their premium wedding photo books and think you will, too.

Isn’t this album a beauty? We teamed up with Sarah, a bride whose Texas wedding was featured in our last issue, to create it. She gave the Shutterfly process two thumbs up!

1. The quality is superb. Let’s start here. For lack of a better description, these books feel good: they’re substantial, they’re luxe, and they have all the bells and whistles you want and expect for your one and only wedding album. Starting with…

2. Layflat pages. Boom. That’s disruption, friends! Layflat pages used to only be available in albums ordered from a professional photographer, but no more. With this premium feature, your gorgeous photos can stretch across two pages without interruption from the binding – a hugely luxe feature. All books are printed on double-thick paper, too.

3. The customization options are impressive. Sizes range from 8×8 to 12×12 (we used the 12×12, with an impressive 24″ wingspan, for our wedding book, and the sweet 8×8″ size for our newlywed book). Cover options include two pretty colors of cloth, leather, a hard matte photo, and antique white linen, among others.

4. They’re not too precious. Yep, you heard that right! While the quality is great, you’re not paying so much for a Shutterfly album that you’ll feel like you need to keep it under lock and key, like a friend of mine who paid thousands for her album. Your wedding album is meant to be enjoyed, passed around, and kept out on your coffee table to be admired often!

5. They are ridiculously affordable. Especially compared to albums ordered from professional photographers, especially when you take into accountShutterfly’s ubiquitous coupon codes, and especially when you consider the quality you’re getting for the price.

6. The layout process is simple… Start with a professionally-styled template (which range from super minimal to fun and colorful), choose page layouts within the template, then add or subtract elements to suit your aesthetic. Two of our albums were based on Modern White, an elegant and simple option.

7. …but it can be as complex as you want it to be. The Shutterfly layout tool is extensive and flexible, with tons of page layouts, the ability to tweak those layouts, and great font and color options. Even if you go to town with customization, though, it’s still easy to use!

8. They’ll even design your book for you. What? Yes! Intimidated by the thought of sorting through all your photos and laying out a cohesive design? Try the new Make My Book Service, where a Shutterfly designer will curate your wedding photos and make a beautiful wedding book for you. You’ll pay a $9.99 fee, but only if you end up ordering the book.

Of course, Shutterfly’s premium photo books aren’t just for wedding albums – I had so much fun creating a newlywed life and honeymoon album, too! Think of your wedding photo book as the first volume in a personal library of amazing memories, beautifully captured :)

Now that you know how easy and affordable it is to make a quality wedding photo book, I hope you’ll have one in your home soon! Happy creating, friends!

This post is sponsored by Shutterfly, a site we’ve used and loved for years. Thank you for your support of the brands who make Southern Weddings possible!

emily Written with love by Emily
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