Katie, our infinitely wise and hilarious Southern friend from Marriage Confessions, drops by twice a month to share her funny, smart, and poignant perspective on life after the wedding!
My husband and I recently were given an all-expense paid trip to Costa Rica by the Costa Rican tourism board. It was a program sponsored by the tourism board which awarded one million dollars worth of vacations to Costa Rica to random people. They called the program, “The Gift of Happiness.” We stayed in three five-star resorts, had fancy pants dinners every evening, and participated in local excursions like taking surf lessons in the Pacific Ocean and crossing mile-high hanging bridges in the rainforest.
Tough life, huh?
It was the first time my husband and I had been on a vacation alone since we were married almost seven years ago. Between family obligations at the holidays and spending the last three years either pregnant and/or raising tiny human beings, we just haven’t been able to get away together. We were really looking forward to a chance for us to unplug, unwind, and spend some time alone.
Steve Steinhardt
To be honest, I sort of expected our trip to be a bit of a gripe fest. The kids seem to have one illness after another these days (proving my theory once again that children in daycare are, in fact, carrier monkeys), money has been tight, Chris and I have been fighting a lot, I’m in the middle of about four different writing projects in addition to teaching full time, and Chris’s job has been more stressful than normal. Our life has been hectic and… well… not too darn happy. I really worried that we would spend all of our time away on the trip talking through some of those situations, since we’d finally have time to sit down and hash things out.
On our first day in Costa Rica, at our first meal together, Chris and I kept sitting there staring at the gorgeous hotel, looking back at each other, and just laughing. What were we doing here? By dinner that night, we’d moved on from the shocked phase to the missing our kids phase, and we spent our dinner laughing even more about funny things our kids had done over the past few weeks that we just hadn’t had time to share with each other. We talked about how great our kids were, how proud and grateful we were to be their parents, and how parenthood had made us better people and better spouses.
By our second stop a few days later, Chris and I were spending meals talking about what we were missing at work. Only, the conversation quickly turned to how much we both loved our jobs. How we were both so excited to get up every day and go to work. How the people Chris worked with and the students I taught made us want to do better, to be better. Conversations about our careers turned quickly into conversations about our dreams. Things we’d always wanted to accomplish – like me writing a book and Chris running his own theater. And for the first time in our lives, we had actually achieved major goals we’d both set for ourselves years and years ago. We laughed about the things we’d accomplished with each other by our sides, and we held hands as we insisted we couldn’t have done any of it without the other.
Divine Light Photography via Southern Weddings
By the end of the trip, Chris and I were having conversations about the future. We talked about the things we’d like to do as a family, and the things we’d like to do as a couple. We allowed ourselves to put our heads in the Costa Rican clouds for a bit, and talked about renovations to our house and private colleges for our kids that we’ll probably never be able to afford. We talked about all the adventures we still have ahead of us, all the things we have to look forward to. We talked about growing old together, and holding each others withered, wrinkled hands as we watched our own grandchildren play.
Somewhere in the middle of a trip that was supposed to make my life happier, I realized that my life is pretty darn happy already.
I think sometimes, we get so bogged down in the nitty gritty of life that we don’t realize how good we really have it. Wouldn’t marriage be easier if we didn’t have to manage households and careers and families and all that other stuff along with it? Wouldn’t it be easier to be happy if we could just be instead of always having to be doing? But that’s the thing about marriage. Life doesn’t stop just because you’re married. I think the key to staying happy in marriage is to stop waiting for those perfect, Hallmark card worthy “happy moments,” and start recognizing the happiness that already exists in our relationships. I had to go all the way to Costa Rica to discover that the happiness in my life lives there within the happiness of my marriage.
Jose Villa
Not that I mind having to go lay on beaches in Costa Rica…
Oh, the things I’ll do for my marriage!
P.S. Check out a few of Katie’s past columns for Southern Weddings:
I believe in Valentine’s Day
My Wedding Registry Changed My Life
Managing Your Money
On Moving
I’m marrying the love of my life in 4 months, and this post, (did make me cry) but gave me such hope. Thank you for sharing. I know that no matter how tough life gets, every day is a miracle, and the gift of happiness is intertwined in all the little stitches. Good luck with your plans and dreams :)
I love this! It is so true that sometimes the nitty gritty of life overshadows the amazingness within! Cheers to traveling to Costa Rica and dreaming among the Costa Rican clouds!