Hey gals + guys! The etiquette queries have been coming fast and furious lately, so I thought we’d answer a trio of conundrums on the blog today.
First, Katie:
My soon-to-be fiance and I plan to have a very small wedding in my hometown. As it is not easy to get there (expensive to fly in, nowhere nearby to stay, easy to get lost on country roads), we will only be inviting family and our very, very dearest friends. After the honyemoon, we plan to have a big reception in Dallas, where we both live. My question is: do I wear my wedding dress? It seems a little odd to me to wear it, when it is not the day of the wedding, but, on the other hand, I want to wear something special and still feel like a “bride.” Help!
This is one situation where, in my opinion, there isn’t any hard and fast etiquette, just encouragement to do whatever makes you feel happiest! You can’t say that about every situation you find yourself in during wedding planning, so enjoy it! :) I would say that if you love your wedding dress and want to wear it a second time, go for it. Might as well get as much use out of that sucker as you can, right?! I’m bolstered by the fact that your Dallas reception is going to be large, so it’s not like you’re going to be sitting around in your living room with a few friends in your wedding dress… which might be a little awkward!
That being said, you absolutely have the option of wearing something else. Though no one will forget you’re the bride even if you’re wearing jeans, I’d suggest a LWD (Little White Dress) for the occasion. There are perfect options either off the rack or from the line of a designer like Amsale or Romona Keveza.
Next, Bonnie, who wanted to hear more about the intricacies of addressing envelopes to dentists, academics, and medical doctors.
Are dentists considered medical doctors so that I may write out Doctor Campbell v. Dr. Campbell? I have used Dr. for all academic doctors and Doctor for all medical doctors, but where do dentists fit? If the correct version is Doctor, then is it The Doctor Campbell or just Doctor Campbell?
Actually, the doctor title should always be abbreviated on an invitation, and dentists are welcome to use this title, as well. For a male medical doctor or dentist, you would say “Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.” For a female medical doctor or dentist, you would say “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” or “Mr. John Smith and Dr. Kara Smith,” depending on whether or not she retains her title socially.
I have two dentists married (Oliver Campbell and Catharine Campbell). Do I say “The Doctors Campbell” or “The Doctors Oliver Campbell”? Or something else?
I like either the simplicity of “The Doctors Campbell” or the egalitarianism of “The Doctors Oliver and Catharine Campbell.” Your choice!
Our last question of the day comes from Morgan:
My fiance and I are eloping — minus the destination and surprise part. Next spring we are having a lovely private ceremony in Dallas at the chapel my parents were married in. It will be just our parents and siblings in attendance. However, quite a few “close” friends have announced displeasure at our decision. Bless their hearts, they feel they need to BE there. As a result, our wedding date has remained fairly secret. Our plan is to send out formal wedding announcements on our wedding day, each with an enclosure inviting the guest to a full reception about 6 weeks later. The tricky part is, how should we word it to appease my very proper family? We will be using the formal announcement from Ms. Post, but the reception invitation is a little harder. Can it be worded like a typical reception insert? Does it need to be formally worded like an invitation (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. X invite you to a reception in honor of Mr. And Mrs. Y?) If it is formal, is it strange that the wording is almost the same as the announcement that’s also included? Does it go in a separate enclosure envelope? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Hi, Morgan! First, Katharine and I agree that the reception information/invitation should be separate from the wedding announcement, since guests weren’t invited to the ceremony. In terms of wording, I think very simplephrasing would complement the formality of the announcement without being repetitive. Try something like this:
Celebrate with the newlyweds / at a reception in their honor / Saturday, June 15 / at five o’clock / 123 Main Street / Dallas, Texas / The favour of a reply is requested
I’d follow the format of an invitation but remove the majority of the names for redundancy’s sake. Readers, if you have another suggestion for Morgan, I’m sure she’d love to hear it! And, of course, if any of you have etiquette issues of your own, feel free to email me and we’ll hash them out here!
All photos c/o Cooper Carras
I know many men and women that don’t wear wedding rings, and I think it’s definitely based on personal preference. While I believe that wedding rings have a wonderful symbolic meaning and I will DEFINITELY be wearing mine, as will my future hubby, there are lots of other ways to show your commitment to one another. Even if the world doesn’t know you’re tied to someone, you and your spouse do, and that’s all that matters.
I wear my wedding ring every day and so does my hubby. I too see is as a reminder of the vows we exchanged and a reminder of what a wonderful day we had. My husband is deployed so I had a titanium ring made for him with a message engraved on the inside. I wanted him to have his ring, but got a less expensive one in case he was to lose it. He has not after 7 months and he told me that he wears it whenever he can and if he cannot wear it he puts it in his uniform jacket pocket to keep it close to him. I wear the one that I gave to him on our wedding day everyday on a necklace. Our wedding rings have become something that keeps us close together being so far apart.
Lauren: I love your ring story! So sweet :)
Even though our definition of the engagement ring is relatively a new one, I believe that the symbolism of the wedding rings is meaningful and powerful. I agree that wearing them is sometimes a question of personal style or occupation but I hope that I’ll never have to remove mine. I read that the reason Prince William doesn’t wear a ring is because of a royal tradition. Kate’s wedding ring is what is truly special; it comes from a nugget of rare Welsh gold that the Queen provided, another royal tradition. Nothing beats the timelessness of tradition!
My soon to be husband and I are stationed 4,000 miles apart, both being in the Air Force. We want others to know we are married, especially since we aren’t always together in person. Wedding rings are the easiest way to show the world we’re off the market.
My husband comes from a long line of cowboys and I was quick to notice that few of the men of the family wore wedding bands. But when I explained to hubs how important it was to me that he wears one, he obliged. I don’t think there’s anything sexier than catching a glimpse of his hand, wearing the ring I placed there on our wedding day. Plus, let’s face it: it’s that subtle, respectable way to say, “hands off, ladies–this one’s mine!”
Katie: I just have to say, it cracks me up that your husband “comes from a long line of cowboys.” That is pretty awesome :)
My Fiancé is definitely not a jewelry wearer. Not even a watch. But he knows how much it means to me for him to wear a wedding ring, and he understands. My parents have both never, not even for a second, taken their wedding rings off. This just exemplifies the commitment they made to each other 28 years ago. He will wear a ring to make me happy, and that small gesture from him means a lot to me.
My parents, too, Sheila! I plan to be the same way… none of this “taking it off to shower” for me!
I have to agree with you there, Emily–I’d definitely be disappointed if the hubs didn’t choose to wear a ring. Luckily my Stephen has a job where he’s able to wear one during the day and another reason I love him–I just asked him if he was excited to wear a ring and he said “Oh absolutely yeah, I wish men could wear engagement rings, too–it’s like you’re taken but we’re still on the market? Nuh-uh.” Do we ever see Mangagement rings becoming a thing??
Mangagement rings? Hey, it could happen! I’ve definitely heard of brides giving their betrothed a similarly special gift — say, a really nice watch — in honor of their engagement!
It’s important to me for the guy to wear a wedding ring. My guy probably won’t though because he is a pilot and can’t. His dad didn’t because he was a farmer and so it never seemed like he just had to wear one.
[…] (let’s be real, we’re still talking about it), Emily brought up a good question in the Southern Etiquette column. Prince William decided against a wedding ring. Does your spouse wear a wedding ring? How would you […]
Both my fiance and I have physically demanding jobs (both to us and to jewelry!) where wearing our rings every day could be dangerous. He is very excited to wear a ring and we have discussed the idea of wearing vs. not wearing and we both agree that it is something we both want very much. As much as I hate not wearing it all the time, the last thing I want is for something to happen to it, or for either of our rings to get caught while we’re working. I love the idea of both of us wearing rings and the symbol they represent. I can’t wait to place that ring on my man’s hand!!
My MOH has been my best friend for 16 years. She’s the sister I never had. Through thick and thin, ups and downs and more hardships any pair of 11-year olds should ever have to endure, we stuck together no matter what. Since we were nine years old, for every scraped knee, every birthday, every love lost, every love found she has been my rock. We grew up in two very different worlds and where she found stability in mine, I found strength in hers. She taught me how to be a woman of strong heart and how to never let my circumstances determine the person I am. To stand up for what I believe in.She lived a hard life under terrible circumstances, but you would never have known.
She moved away from our hometown when we were 15 years old. A few months later my father passed away and she dropped everything and made her father drive her to my house where she spent a week with me in silence. Just being there. We never stopped being best friends.
I fell very ill in September 2008. She stayed up with me at the hospital at night and through hours of surgery, she sat waiting for me to get out of the OR and wake up and made sure I was OK. She was happy when I was happy and if someone broke my heart, she was always there to help pick up the pieces. To tell me how horrible and ugly he was and that the next one will be better. She was never wrong :) I was there when she and her husband said their I Do’s, I was there when she gave birth to their son (she asked me to make sure her baby doesn’t get switched like in the movies), I was there for the housewarming when they moved into their first house and now, she will start my journey of milestones with me. I can’t imagine getting married without her there as our witness. We’ve laughed together, cried together, we’ve loved together (we litterally loved all he same boys when we were growing up) and grew together. I couldnt have asked for a better friend than Carol.