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Hi friends!  After our very old-school question of a few weeks ago, I’m back with a very modern one today.  Kristin sent me a one-sentence missive (I appreciate a girl who gets to the point) with a simple question: “Do you think it’s appropriate to ask someone to be your bridesmaid in an email?”

The short answer?  No, I don’t think it’s appropriate.  If you’re asking someone to be your bridesmaid, it should mean she’s a close friend or family member, someone whom you know quite well and really value having in your life.  Asking her to stand beside you on your big day is a way of recognizing that bond, and thanking her for it.  It’s nice to commemorate the occasion with something more than an email.

But what?  If you live nearby, asking her out for a meal – whether dinner, brunch, or cupcakes and coffee – is a lovely gesture.  If she lives halfway across the country, you still have meaningful options.  The simplest would be to pick up the phone and call.  Or, for those of you more technically savvy, it could be fun to arrange a Skype call.  (That way, you can see her happy surprise!  Or, if you’re feeling particularly ambitious, you could Love, Actually style and prepare some cardboard signs to reveal your intentions.  By the way, Best. Movie. Ever?  Yes, I think so.). 

Or perhaps a card is more your style.  You can get very elaborate, with a pictorial representation of your relationship through the years and a novel about how much she means to you, but a store-bought card with a sincere note will stand in nicely, too.  There is certainly no shortage of DIY inspiration or ready-made options:

Image credits, clockwise: Martha Stewart Weddings, Once Wed, Sweet Bella Cards, Lilly Pink Paperie.

What do y’all think?  Are there any occasions when an email is appropriate?  How did you ask your bridesmaids to stand beside you?

As always, feel free to email me your etiquette conundrums for a future column!  I’m emily at iloveswmag dot com.

All header images c/o Millie Holloman

emily Written with love by Emily
8 Comments
  1. avatar LAG reply

    I guess I really did not ask… I mailed each of my girls a box with a satin clothes hanger inside. I attached a little note to each hanger that said "For your bridesmaid dress…" So now we all have pretty dresses with pretty hangers for the big day!

  2. avatar Rachel – theWeddingVine reply

    These cards are so cute, who could say no if they received one?

  3. avatar Janine reply

    I asked each of my bridesmaids by giving them a little box with a cupcake inside and a tag that read, "Will you be my…" See my blog for pictures: http://janineraedesign.com/2010/09/24/wedding-fridays-asking-my-bridesmaids/It was a sweet but simple way to make them feel special. :)

  4. avatar Sarah reply

    I was asked to be a bridesmaid with the "once wed" paper doll style. SO cute!!!! I made homemade folded cards and envelopes to ask my bridesmaids. Each envelope was lined with paper that matched our wedding colors. I also noted in the card that they'd be able to wear shoes of their choosing!

  5. avatar Heather reply

    Hi, Emily! Normally, I would agree with you and say that email is not the most personal medium through which a bride would ask a friend to be her bridesmaid. However, when my fiance' and I became engaged, we were unable to call all of our friends to share our happy news due to the remote location and horrible cell phone reception. One of my dear friends learned of our engagement through a mutual friend, and was upset that she had not been included in our initial round of calls. When the time came to ask my nearest-and-dearest to stand with me on our wedding day, I desperately wanted to avoid any hurt feelings, so sending an email to all bridesmaids simultaneously seemed to be the best choice. Each girl responded positively with enthusiasm and excitement, and I followed up with a phone call to each bridesmaid shortly after the email was sent. I think that each bride should ask her friends in a way that reflects her personality, and also takes into consideration the feelings, schedule, and lifestyle of each of her desired bridesmaids. :)

  6. avatar Jessica reply

    Worse than an e-mail, I used a facebook private message, because I couldn't tell if she used her e-mail any more.I was trying desperately to talk to my best friend, who is currently working in Asia, with a 12 hour -difference in time zones, with no phone, splotchy internet, and on slow computers both sides. None of our attempts to skype chat were working, and I didn't have her address, nor could I take the time to send a card, with no idea how long it would take to get there. I needed to know if she could even make it! But luckily she can, and will, and graciously accepted, despite my admittedly tacky way of asking. She forgives me, so I forgive myself, even if Emily Post never would.

  7. avatar Charity H. reply

    Even with our 'techie' generation email is still informal and professionally it is looked upon as being a remote and distant way of communicating. If you have something important to say it is suggested that you do it personally. Therefore, if sending an email is the way you ask a friend to be your bridesmaid it could come across like you don't value her decision or acceptance very much that you didn't take the time to put a little more effort into asking her.

  8. avatar MMW reply

    Since I was living in Oklahoma and half of my would be bridesmaids lived in Virginia I did use email to ask them. However, my maid of honor and I put together a Power Point slide show of pictures of me in my wedding dress holding signs with the words, “Will you be one of my bridesmaids?” We used lots of different poses and it was a great way for the other girls who weren’t nearby for a lot of the planning to get excited about the wedding!

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