Southern Weddings

I’m using the J Crew Bow Monde in Caspian blue for my june wedding (with white hydrangea bouquets). My BMs LOVE it and one actually sent me a thank you card for picking it haha.

I am using the J Crew Bow Monde in black for my evening wedding in October. All my bridesmaids said they loved and it looks cute on all!!!

I have been a bridesmaid a three times, and I will be again this July. I love it. :) However, I have worn one ugly dress so far- and it was for my bestest friend’s wedding! Short story- we went to the store, tried on a bunch of dresses, and she chose one we all weren’t too found of (HUGE butt bow!). We let it go because she really loved the dress, and then went to choosing the colors. She wanted this purple-y redish color with lavender accents (blech!) and we talked her into wine with light pink accents instead. We thought we were all in agreement and the bride was happy. We placed our orders and left- the bride went back the next day and changed the colors of the dresses back to what she wanted!! :) Ultimately, it’s her day, and we would of course wear whatever she wanted us to. Her happiness was the most important thing, so we all wore ugly purple butt bow dresses. Mine is floating around a Goodwill somewhere right about now. ;)Okay that wasn’t so short, but anyway, I agree with Emily, it depends on your relationship with the bride. The wedding I’m in in July is for my brother-in-law, so I’m not super close with the bride. She has shown me a couple dresses I’m not really fond of, but I don’t think I’ll say anything unless the other girls closer to her say something first. I’ll just wear whatever she says and smile pretty all day. :)Within reason, it is a bridesmaid’s duty to make the bride HAPPY!! Even if the dress that makes her happy makes you cry inside. ;)

I’ve worn a couple bm dresses that weren’t my favorite, but they weren’t all out ugly, just not my style. One really nice thing that two of the brides did was buy our dresses. There was a lot less push-back on style and color and all of that when she was footing the bill. Did I think the big ribbon belt was chic? No, but it was the look she loved. Would I have paid for it and worn it if that’s the direction she had gone? Yes, but I probably would have had a bit of residual angst about the situation. I did the same for the girls in my wedding. It’s nice when you’re hosting showers and a bachelorette party and putting hours of your life into someone else’s wedding that you’re not also annoyed about spending $200+ on a dress that you’ll literally never wear again… but she got the look she wanted at the same time and it was only a minor increase in her overall budget. I also had a friend who asked us all to pick out dresses in a specific color that we loved. She got the overall look she wanted with color and we all got to express our own personal style in dress choice and it’s definitely something I will wear again!

I woul dhave to agree with Liane (earlier comment) "Within reason, it is a bridesmaid’s duty to make the bride HAPPY!! Even if the dress that makes her happy makes you cry inside. ;). I’ve been in three weddings and the dresses in all of them were HIDEOUS!….silver satin (absolutely hideous ankle-length dress with jacket!), baby blue spandex and blue satin(skirt and top mix) and pastel roses cotton(as a young bridesmaid)…..but I sucked it up and wore them. If you really hate the dress and have a close relationship with the bride–then it’s okay to say something, but ultimately–she wouldn’t have picked the dresses unless she really liked them. Thinking about it that way, be honored she asked you and remember you never have to wear the dress again!! Besides, really? Who does wear a bridesmaid dress again?

As the bride I looked at it this way:I’m not wearing it and I’m not paying for it. I looked for dresses that would work but more importantly that they would like. Yes, it’s my day, but it’s their photos too. I want them to look and feel great.And I think all brides need to think about how they would feel it the shoe was on the other foot.

my maid of honour’s dress arrived and it is just terrible. no time get her a new one, i feel so bad that she has to wear it =(

I just had this conversation with someone. NO NO NO cash bar. TACKY. RUDE! You are definitely a host and no good host would charge a guest for anything!! It just simply isn’t done. Another option is the one to glasses of champagne, or just an open bar for beer and wine, instead of beer wine and liquor. Now I personally would never ever have a margarita machine at my wedding, but that is a very cost effective route also.

We wanted to provide our guests with a bar with a monetary limit (say like $2000) but that didn’t work out for two reasons. 1) Our venue doesn’t have a way to keep up with how much is spent and 2) MANY places will cheat when you take this route and serve less alcohol than you’re actually paying for. So it was either have a cash bar or no bar for us, and while neither my fiance nor I drink and could care less about having alcohol at our afternoon reception, my mom was insistent on at least having alcohol as an option, so we’re having a cash bar. All non-alcoholic beverages will be served free, as will the champagne at toasting time. But anything more than that is up to the guests.

Mmm… I’d say cash bar is a no-no. If your budget can’t support an open bar, try choosing (for instance) your favorite two beers and your favorite two wines. That will cut down on the high cost of liquor, etc.

Personally, I would consider it rude to have a cash bar at a wedding. Primarily because (for me) it goes against the notion of hospitality to, as host/hostess, invite a guest to your party and then charge them for things. Even without a cash bar, attending a wedding can be expensive for guests (take my college roommate who was married in her hometown…in Alaska). You want these people to share in the celebration of your marriage, and that this should be done with as little financial burden to them as possible…they’re your GUESTS. That being said, if you opt not to have any alcohol, it could end up being the elephant in the reception hall. Unless you have religious reservations, I think the host/hostess should make the effort to include some form of alcohol at the reception. However, the more weddings I go to, the more I believe that a full bar is not really necessary–most have been just beer and wine, which you could even provide yourself depending on the size of your party and just pay the caterer an uncorking fee. This is what a friend of mine is doing (it also doesn’t hurt that her future father-in-law is a beer distributor). Maybe just limit the alcohol to the cocktail hour, and then have a champagne toast later in the evening, or forget the champagne toast altogether. Some people don’t drink champagne, and it’s just a waste of money to have full glasses sitting there at the end of the night, why not just have them toast with whatever they’re drinking? Another option is to do one or two personalized cocktails. There was a great picture in the blogosphere a few months back where the bride and groom had each selected a drink that coordinated with their theme, and had them served in beautiful glass beverage dispensers. Ultimately, there’s lots of ways to go about alcohol without removing it from your reception.

Oh my gosh… drink tickets?? This is going too far people!! I would much rather attend a wedding where they served nothing but water before offering drink tickets or a cash bar. Honestly, I’m not really judgmental but I’d have to think twice about the hosts of this party. Perhaps they just got really bad advice, but either way that is very poor form! It always kills me that some people will follow etiquette advice down to the letter and then blow off something that is as big as this.When it comes down to it: the drink selection is up to the host (just as if this was a dinner party at your home). A host is not obligated to serve 5 different types of liquor or anything. If you are concerned about cost, ask the venue what the corkage fee is and buy magnums of wine and champagne (equivalent to 2 bottles) to serve. Even if it is half way through the party, it is not okay to go to a cash bar.

We had a tight budget, and knew we needed to find a venue to bring in our own alcohol. We only had beer and wine, and a special round of Patron shots (our fave) after dancing with us for the also ever so controversial money dance…If a couple can’t bring in their own alcohol and need to cut back, I think a great option is to pay the tab up to $xxx and after that have it switch. I’ve been to a few wedding like this, and by time it switches over, I’m already done for the night. But 100% cash bar – no thank you.

I was very surprised at the idea of having a cash bar and had it first suggested to me by a very unlikely person- the event coordinator at a very high-end golf course which does events in its clubhouse. She seemed to have just assumed that we would have a cash bar, without even asking if we wanted to have alcohol! Since a lot of our friends and family have religious reason not to indulge, we had decided to not serve any at all beforehand, so that cut that worry short for us, but I know that if we did decide to have alcohol, it would definitely be just enough to toast with champagne, and maybe have beer/wine. As soon as I understood what she was talking about, I was totally shocked. For such a classy place to treat the cash bar as a norm seem completely odd, because even with my spendthrift habits I wouldn’t even consider it.

I see lots of modest events where there have been some extreme cuts made to keep within budget. The most important thing to remember is that the people who care about you understand that you may need to save some money. That said, you express how important they are to you by being hospitable. I attended a back yard wedding that is one of my all time favorites because there was good food, good drink, and good entertainment. My philosophy is to make sure everybody has all the comforts of home before I start spending money on status symbols and glitz.

I think a cash bar is tacky there are no ifs and or buts about it. I agree with some of the post above, serve whatever you want, just wine/beer, etc but charging is puts you on the worst wedding of the year list.

No, no, no! If you really want to put this in persepctive, it might interest you to know that it was reported that Michaela and Tareq Salahi actually CHARGED guests to attend their lavish nuptials. Does anyone want to put themselves in the same company as the infamous White House "party crashers?"There are so many ways to cut down on the alchol costs if its not important to you or you cant afford a full bar, and they’ve all been mentioned above. Your wedding is NOT a night out at the bar, and I think that if you can’t afford to provide an open bar (be it beer, wine, whatever you can afford) for the entire night, you should just scrap it or do just a champagne toast instead. I would be much more offended at having to pay for drinks at a wedding than I would if no alcohol were present, and I would be much more "comfortable" at a wedding sans alcohol than one in which I was expected to pay for drinks. To me, asking guests to pay for their own drinks says "the comfort of my guests is secondary to other elements of my wedding that I am willing to spend on." I honestly couldn’t believe this ettiquette was even in question, but I guess there are others out there with a different perspective! Thank God for Emily Post!

I agree with you Lizz…although no one else seems to! Where I am from, it is really uncommon to have an open bar. I don’t think you need to pay for the guests to get trashed at your wedding reception and dance. I think it’s a good idea to have an open bar during the meal and then during the dance, have a cash bar. I was also at a wedding where the couple had a signature drink on the house, but anything else the guests had to pay for. I think the decision is up to the couple (and whoever is helping pay for the wedding) and what they feel comfortable with.

Maybe it’s a North/South thing? My Dad is from the North, but I was raised in SC. He has no problem with a cash bar. I think it’s horribly tacky. I agree with the above posters that you’re hosting the event and you wouldn’t charge people to come to a party. Our solution was that my fiance and I are paying for the bar, while my Dad is (thankfully) taking care of the rest of the catering. I don’t understand why a bar would cost $6000-$8000 unless you’re inviting a ton of people. We have 88 invited at $8.50 per person for a beer and wine bar.

We considered it, but in the end agreed that it would be rude. Its just not nice to invite guests and expect them to pay for something. If you cant afford it, then dont offer it. You could have a lovely Sunday morning brunch reception instead of a Friday night party. There are so many other options.

Tacky and inhospitable and your Mama would never live it DOWN!!Anywhere you host an event—a club, a hall, a beach under the open sky—you are under your "hospitality roof" and it is just NOT DONE to charge a guest for refreshments. A guest should be able to enter your home or extended home with empty pockets—no keys, for your door is open. No Identification, for the invitation grants them entry, and no cash, for they are guests, their welfare for the duration the responsibility of the hosts. We’ve been to several events in a certain club in which the management will not close the bar during any event, and so guests may wander away from a perfectly charming, lavishly hospitable event and come back with a drink in hand, spurring others to ask, "Where did you GET that?" They they, in turn, go off and spend their money as well, to the embarrassment and chagrin of their hosts. But it is not the hosts’ choice, and they may be forgiven choosing the venue; perhaps it’s the only one of size or location to fit, and that one drawback may be shuffled tactfully aside.But setting out to "entertain" guests by billing them for their refreshments? TACKY ad infinitum. Go smaller, go lesser, but do not hand out invoices. We can’t all be Emily or Amy or Miss M, but we can have the grace not to bill our guests for our "hospitality." Cash bars of any duration remove the title of "host" and reduce the party-givers mere co-ordinators of a pitch-in.

If there is ever a cash bar at a wedding, here is what the guests are saying on the way home, "THAT GIRL JUST WASN’T RAISED RIGHT!!!!" And since when in the name of General Lee did it become a requirement to provide alcohol? What’s wrong with PUNCH made to match the BRIDESMAID’S DRESSES???? This is a ceremony of matrimony – not a Delta Tau Delta social.

At my wedding we will be serving beer and wine and maybe a signature cocktail. I am going to make sure that my friends and my fiance’s friends know that if they want hard liquor they should just bring a flask of something. (Which most of them will do whether I tell them to or not…haha) My only problem with having a cash bar is that it needs to be communicated (somehow) to guests that there will be no open bar and that guests should make sure to have cash on them if they want to drink. I have been to a few weddings where I was not aware there was going to be a cash bar and of course I had no cash on me.