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By now y’all know that Katharine doesn’t get as excited by the same things as most brides.  Wedding dress?  Eh.  Photographer?  Eh.  (Though we do LOVE Bryan!) But paper? Yep, Katharine was all about the paper.

From Katharine: Like so many aspects of my wedding, I had a very clear idea of the kind of invitation I wanted to send to family and friends before our big day.  Blame it on growing up in a household where children’s birth announcements were sent on heavy, engraved paper from Crane’s in either black or gold script, and where traditional wording was a must, but for me, there never was any real question about the invites.

My father, who knows me and my style better than almost anyone, summed it up best during our first discussion about wedding suites.  It went a little something like this:

Katharine: “So, Dad, it’s about time to order invitations.”

Dad Waterman: “Well good, that’s simple.  You really only have two decisions to make: white or ecru paper, and black or gold ink.”

There never was any discussion about fun embellishments, embossed monograms or bow accents.  Just paper and ink color, and we were set.  (For the record: I’m fairly certain Dad and I are carbon copies of each other, which is awesome for a girl planning a wedding with her father.)

So, ecru it was.  And I was this close to going with gold script (which, in truth, got Dad’s vote for its rich and regal look), when I opted for ultra-traditional black in a last minute identity crisis.  I still love gold lettering, but couldn’t be happier with our black and white invites.

From Emily: Paper is near and dear to my heart.  Though I took Katharine’s criteria seriously, I wasn’t going to go down without a fight (so to speak) on this one.  Though I suggested many lovely ways of updating her traditional themes, she never bit, alas.  Maybe one of you will be able to benefit from my round up?

Image credits, top to bottom: Lilikoi Design + Letterpress, betsywhite stationery boutique, b.t. elements, and Bella Figura

My best hope was Laura Hooper’s suite, with its striking black envelope, but that was a no-go, too.  Okay, then, Katharine, how about some lovely hand-painted gold edging, courtesy of Bella Figura?  No?

From Katharine: Emily suggestions were ridiculously gorgeous – and pretty darn spot-on for a nuts and bolts girl having an evening wedding – but I’m the Anti-Bride, remember?  Naturally, I didn’t stray too far from my original vision of the perfect wedding invitation.  (Emily loves me regardless, though, so all’s well!)

With style settled, the next question was where to find my very simple, but very specific invitations.  Crane’s seemed like the obvious choice, but – truth be told – I’m all about the bottom line.  When I discovered that Birchcraft Studios offered virtually indistinguishable invites (at a fraction of the cost, mind you) and that Your Invitation Place offered further online discounts, I was sold!  (Dad was a pretty happy camper, too.)

If this all seems too easy, you’re right.  While the design was almost a given, the precise wording was anything but.  (Just ask my dad and Emily, who, between the two of them, patiently fielded dozens of emails filled with nuanced questions: How should we word our response cards?  Triple panel or basic flat card?  To include reception info on the invitation or not?  The list goes on.  We ultimately – even if not painlessly – got it all figured out.  I won’t bore you with the rest of the tedious details (I saved those for Dad + Em), but if you have questions or are just curious, I’m happy to share!

The final result?

“Boring,” says my sixteen-year-old sister, Bissy.

“Perfect,” insists the bride.  (It’s my vote that matters most, right?  Right.)

From Emily: One thing Katharine and I were agreed upon was calligraphy: her ultra-formal, ultra traditional invitations were calling for it.  Being the classic kind of girl she is, loopy girly fun styles were out, and graceful script was in.  But the price?  Yipes.  I’ve seen outer envelopes for up to $8 an envelope (and I’m sure someone somewhere is charging much more than that), and though I can hardly argue that beautiful script is worth at least that much, it wasn’t going to fly with our bride.

Enter Carmela.  While doing my daily perusal of Weddingbee, I stumbled onto a post by one Miss Hamster, who used Carmela for her own envelopes.  Her lettering was lovely, and at $0.80 per envelope set (yes, really!!), the price couldn’t be beat.  One quick email to Katharine, and then to Carmela, and the deal was done.  If you’d like to jump on the Carmela bandwagon, too, you can email her at melsinkwell at comcast dot net (she doesn’t have a website).

From Katharine: Here’s another Anti-Bride confession: Paper goods make me nervous.  Now, I’m all about going all-out for the invites.  But menus and place cards?  Those are harder for me to justify.  I cringe at the thought of beautiful, handmade menus getting a quick once-over and then being tossed out. (Chalk another one up to my father, who diligently and dutifully recycles like nobody’s business.)  Emily understood my hesitation about wasting paper and resources, but suggested escort cards were a practical must.  Fine: 1 point for Emily. But if we were going to have escort cards, they had to be simple and match the overall feel and design of my invites.

Since she was so gung-ho about them, I turned to The Paper Queen for advice on the place cards, not knowing whether or not she’d be able to find what I was looking for.  (In fairness, I hadn’t given her much direction.)  Did she succeed?

From Emily: Seriously, people, sometimes I don’t know where this stuff comes from.  But as soon as Katharine asked me for placecard suggestions, I instantly thought of Ashley and Chris’s September 2008 wedding, shot by April Smith and featured on Style Me Pretty.


She’s incorporating subtle gold accents and has a soft spot for wax seals, and this inspiration photo combines both.  We’ve ordered stock from Paper Presentation and are waiting for an opportune evening to break out the paper cutter and the matches. Craft night, anyone?

Weigh-In: What do you think about Katharine + Emily’s respective picks?  How would you have answered Dad Waterman’s invitation query: white or ecru, black or gold?

P.S. While their invitations are 100% basic black-and-white (pun intended!), KatharineKyle’s save-the-date from Wedding Paper Divas was all fun.  We bet you can guess who picked out these too-cute cards…

Up next? The post you’ve all been waiting for — FLOWERS!  Has Katharine loosened up her white rose strictures?  You’ll just have to wait until next week to see…

Previously:

Intros + Inspiration Boards

The Bridesmaid Dress

The Photographer

The Wedding Website

SW Goes to Kleinfeld

Wedding Paper Divas is an SW advertiser and no free services are being received. Katharine’s planning posts are written to share her experiences and personal recommendations, not as advertisement for vendors.  We don’t even tell the vendor that the post is being written.  We just love em : )

Written with love by Katharine
13 Comments
  1. avatar Katie Grigsby reply

    Katherine! Please Please tell me the link and style number of the invitations that you picked!!!!! THAT IS MY DREAM INVITE!!!! I am getting married in October, and I just love love love them! OF course I need to order sooner than later! But I absolutly love them! Please share! Also I might even get in touch with the caligrapher you had as well!!!! Just beautiful!!!Thanks!Katie

  2. avatar Southern Weddings reply

    Hi Katie!YAY! A kindred traditonalist! And I thought I was the only one left :) The invitations are from Birchcraft’s 100% cotton line, style S3581, but we ordered from Your Invitations Place as they sell the same invites for 41% off.Here is a direct link to the invites. Angela is very helpful and fun to work with!https://www.yourinvitationplace.com/Detail.aspx?ItemNum=S3581&WebName=mediaplusWe used a traditional Rook font (style # 143). We just received our invites a few weeks ago, and could not be more pleased with how they turned out. I’m sure you will love them.Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I’d love to see your final invitations.Katharine @ Southern Weddings

  3. avatar Kristin reply

    I can’t tell you how much my friend and I enjoy these "Katherine’s Wedding" posts from Katharine and Emily. It’s so true-to-life to read about all the fun (and sometimes stressful) details and how you both researched together. My friend and I work together and are constantly sending links back and forth with wedding ideas etc. Keep the posts coming! They never fail to make my day :)

  4. avatar Southern Weddings reply

    Awww Kristin, you just made MY day! We will absolutely keep them coming. :) Good luck with your wedding planning!Emily @ SW

  5. avatar Whitney reply

    Did it take you a long time to get in touch with Carmela? I think I want to use her for my invites as well… I e-mailed her today, but wasn’t sure what a normal turn around time for her replies are? Thanks! :) I love these posts as well… they give me so many ideas for my big day (next June)… can’t wait to see the flowers one! :)—Whitney

  6. avatar Southern Weddings reply

    Hi Whitney!I’m so glad to hear you’ve emailed Carmela! You won’t be disappointed. She is very prompt and responsive to emails, and never has taken more than a few days to get back to me. I know she is currently on vacation, AND is finishing up our massing wedding order as we speak :) You’ll be very happy you decided to go with Carmela! Let me know how everything turns out?Katharine @ Southern Weddings

  7. avatar Sarah Beth reply

    I just have to say how much I am enjoying this series of posts. I wish I had known about this blog while I was wedding planning, but you can bet that the first issue (which came out just in time) was dog eared from all the inspiration I found in it! It is actually the only wedding magazine that I saved.I also had engraved ecru invitations in the black Rook font. I went with another vendor though, Reaves Engraving. The best part is they engrave on Cranes paper, at a fraction of the cost. I can’t imagine that y’all don’t already know about them, but it’s also neat that they are a Southern vendor, too! It was such a relief to me to get exactly the invitations I wanted well under what I had budgeted for!Thanks again for taking us along on your wedding planning journey!

  8. avatar Southern Weddings reply

    Wow, thanks so much for the sweet words, Sara Beth! I’m so glad you loved the first issue so much. We loved creating it for you!xoLara

  9. avatar Nancy Ray reply

    i seriously love reading all about your wedding plans! you are too cute. :]

  10. avatar JMT reply

    love love love looove reading these posts about katharine’s wedding and can hardly wait to see it all come to fruitiion! i’m so thrilled you posted about an affordable caligrapher. i just may be contacting carmela as well for our may 2011 wedding thanks always! :)!

  11. avatar Marie Charity reply

    I can’t get enough of these posts documenting the wedding planning process. It’s always neat to hear about wedding planning from a insider!I’m interested to her more about what role your fiance has played in the process. Can we get a guest contribution?

  12. avatar Dennis @ Wholesale Roses reply

    Wow! Those are some really nice invitations. I am sold on the old world scripting.

  13. avatar serena @bigapplenosh reply

    Hi! I’m actually the Miss Hamster you mentioned in this post – I was absolutely thrilled with the work that Carmela did – she had also provided calligraphy for my sister’s wedding invitations in 2005. She is prompt, provides high quality work, and the price can’t be beat! You won’t be disappointed!

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What could be more exciting than choosing a wedding dress?  In true anti-bride fashion, Katharine probably would have preferred to stick needles under her fingernails than encounter a room of fluffy white gowns, but somehow last January she ended up at the famed bridal salon Kleinfeld with an entourage of 13 in tow (including a professional photographer!).

From Emily: I’m going to go ahead and start this post, because I’m pretty sure Katharine actually blacked out from the moment we stepped into Kleinfeld until the minute we were safely back on the sidewalk.  I kid, I kid.  But there was a reason I sent out a tweet from the cab speeding towards West 20th Street asking for a paper bag for someone to breathe into.  And it wasn’t me.

From Katharine: Wedding dress shopping  is tough.  Wedding dress shopping with thirteen (yes – count ‘em – 13!) is something else entirely.

What started out as a father-daughter trip to the Big Apple quickly evolved into something much bigger – and better!  With Dad and little sister/MOH, Bissy, all set for the trip north, we decided we couldn’t make the all-important dress selection without input from the experts.  Enter LaraEmily.

Our quiet little threesome quickly had grown to five.  Add in Dad’s girlfriend, NYC actress Marie Marshall, Emily’s Randy Fenoli-crazed younger sister, our Florida-based assistant, Sandi, and suddenly we were planning an eight-man excursion to the magical Kleinfeld’s.  But what’s an SW outing without a professional photographer to document our travels?  (After all, if it doesn’t appear on the blog, it never actually happened, right?)  With Jeff Holt and his trusty camera, we were nine strong.

With help from Lara’s good friend, Randy Fenoli, our consultant Debbie, and the unbelievably nice owners, Ronnie Rothstein and Mara Urshel, our band of shoppers had grown from three to thirteen… and we were ready!

Or so we thought.

Emily: Right, so somehow all 13 of us get into the back.  Seriously, they had to clear out four dressing rooms for us.  Randy appeared in our midst, and the crowd parted as he made his way to Katharine.  Y’all, he is fabulous.  Side note: can we pause for a moment and take a look at my sister in the top right photo below?  Kim just might be the world’s biggest “Say Yes to the Dress” fan, and I’m pretty sure she also blacked out for the entirety of our visit to Kleinfeld, but for an entirely different reason than Katharine.

Katharine had brought along some print outs of dresses she liked from the Kleinfeld website.  She was a bit worried that with so many people her preferences might get drowned out, so I took notes beforehand on my iPhone for handy reference in case things got dicey (am I a good bridesmaid or what?!).  You can see below that Randy took a look at both the pages and the iPhone, but it turns out he wasn’t too sure about our choices.  Since he is the dress whisperer, we went along with his suggestion.  A few minutes later he and Debbie, our official consultant, were back with the first armfull of dresses.

Katharine: Like so many brides out there, what I thought I would be wearing on my wedding day and the gown I’ll actually be traipsing down the aisle in couldn’t be more different.  The list I sent to Emily, who, by the way, totally won the award for most helpful bridesmaid that day?  Fitted mermaid gown, with a touch of glamour.  No satin, no shiny fabric, no beading.  Lace was okay.  Poofy, princess-worthy gowns were not

But Randy didn’t ask me what kind of dress I wanted to wear.  Rather, he asked the one question that, in the end, lead him to pick the style – and exact dress – that would fit the bill: “How do you want to feel on your wedding day?”  My response: Elegant and timeless. I wanted to look back on my wedding photos and not feel that my dress was dated or fussy.  With that, and a few bare bone details of our black tie Harvard wedding, Randy was off.

The first dresses he came back with were beautiful and classic, but not quite right.  Why, exactly, I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but I knew they were not what I was envisioning.  For a brief moment, I prepared myself for the realization that I may not find a dress I truly loved like all the other brides I’ve worked with.  Instead, I’d look for something beautiful and appropriate, and be happy – even if not thrilled – with my selection.

Then Randy returned with this Amsale beauty.  With its defined, natural waist, and full, silk skirt, it was the exact princess-worthy gown I had crossed off my list months ago.  But the moment that dress was done up, I knew a full-skirted gown with a defined waist was the right dress for me.

Emily: We had found plenty of dresses that looked stunning on Katharine.  The Amsale Serena came close, but wasn’t quite “the one.”  Randy thought a bit more, and then said, “You know, I never have brides try on dresses that I haven’t seen on someone before, but we just got this dress in and I think it might be perfect.  Would you be willing to try it on?”  I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Katharine: What Randy came back with was the Amsale Blakely.  And it was the one!  As it turns out, the entire 2010 Amsale line had my name all over it.  Clean, simple lines with rich, sumptuous fabrics and modern embellishments, Amsale had it all – and then some.

How did I know I’d found my wedding dress?  Did I have that wonderfully amazing, incredibly rewarding aha moment brides promise follows the selection of your dream dress?

Definitely not.

I just don’t think I’m that kind of girl.  But considering it was the dress my co-workers, the expert consultants at Kleinfeld’s and my very different father and sister all agreed was the one, I knew there must be something to it.  Trust me: it’s a magical – and rare – moment when Dad and Bissy both agree on something, and it just so happens they agreed on my wedding dress.  Turns out they both were very, very right.

Emily: And see that photo at the end?  Wha-bam!  That’s the Dad-look we were going for all afternoon. I know I speak for all of us when I say we can’t thank Mr. Jeff Holt enough for these beautiful photos.

We’re saving the full reveal of Katharine in her dress until after the wedding, but I hope you enjoyed following along on our Kleinfeld adventure!  Up next? Paper, paper, paper.  I’ll just say this: traditional brides, you’re going to like her picks.

Weigh-in: Which was your favorite of the gorgeous dress rejects?  (We have a few!)  What dress will you be wearing or did you wear to your wedding?

Previously:

Intros + Inspiration Boards

The Bridesmaid Dress

The Photographer

The Wedding Website

Written with love by Katharine
14 Comments
  1. avatar Lauren @ Every Last Detail reply

    Yay, congrats on finding your dress! I’ve been wondering about it for forever! I know it’s going to be absolutely STUNNING! And let me just say- your dad is so adorable! :) It took me 1 wrong dress and 2 months of searching, and hours of driving to find the perfect dress that I felt beautiful in. Funny thing is, it was a dress that had just come in as well, and no one had tried it on yet! There must be something good about that! :)

  2. avatar Kristy R. reply

    How fun Katharine. You look stunning!

  3. avatar WeddingXpert reply

    Ahh I love Kleinfeld’s! Thanks for the super awesome sneak peek. You looked amazing in all of them, congrats on finding "the one"!

  4. avatar Lisa Jeffries reply

    What a super fun adventure! So cool that you ladies got to take the entire crew along for the fun AND document it!

  5. avatar Emily reply

    You look so comfortable in all of them, you wouldn’t know you were dreading the whole thing. My dress, as seen in the amazing nancy ray bridal shoot y’all put up after our meet up, was by Marissa, who i learned about for the first time the day i went shopping. It was like Katherine and Amsale though, all her dresses looked great on me. but the one i chose was the first one i tried on! i just loved the way it fluttered in the wind! i felt like me in a wedding dress, not like i was playing dress up. that’s what i get from katherine’s expressions too. can’t wait till september to see the whole thing! from the back it looks beautiful ;)

  6. avatar Amanda reply

    This post merged my two greatest wedding obsessions–SW Mag + Kleinfeld! I took notice of the Blakely dress when it appeared on one of y’alls inspiration boards a little while back. Katherine looks beautiful in it.

  7. avatar Jill reply

    I just got married one month ago and wore the Amsale Serena! I LOVED it! But then again, I loved every dress that Amsale makes. I know the Blakely will be just perfect for you and I know you’ll look gorgeous!!!!

  8. avatar Dennis @ Wholesale Flowers reply

    What a great story, a shopping trip of 2 turns into a shopping event of 13. And of course more lasting memories were created as a result.

  9. avatar Abbie reply

    What an amazing experience! Fabulous pics by Jeff, by the way. Seeing all of the fun makes me wish I’d actually done the full wedding-dress-shopping experience. The dress is absolutely gorgeous and perfectly timeless. I love the dress that had the fun trumpet skirt with funky details. Totally different than what you picked, but very whimsical.

  10. avatar Emily Giles reply

    Congrats Katharine! That dress is stunning. Kleinfeld’s looks like it was a blast and a beautiful place and such a special time. I also picked a dress for my March wedding that was not at all what I had in mind, but love it!

  11. avatar brooke @ claremont road reply

    I love that dress, and it will look magnificent on you! Also, major props to your dad for rocking the bow-tie. THAT is awesome :) (And that last photo of him gazing at you made me well up a little bit!)

  12. avatar Kim reply

    I love this post :) I can’t wait to hear/see more from Katherine’s wedding!

  13. avatar Bissy reply

    Congrats to you & Kyle.Love,BissyP.S. This does not mean i am not appalled that I am not in more pictures!

  14. avatar 2010: YEAR IN REVIEW « Lara Casey reply

    […] after last Christmas 2009, her beau placed a ring on her finger that would soon after take us to New York to go dress shopping.  With an entourage of 13, we packed into Kleinfeld to search for The One.  I was really grateful […]

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Hey, y’all!  Welcome back to another Southern Etiquette.  Today’s question comes from Rebecca in Virginia.  She writes:

“I am confused about the etiquette of the rehearsal dinner.  At first, I thought it was to only include the wedding party, immediate family and grandparents.  Now I have run across the idea that it also includes all out of town guests.  If a majority of both sides of the families are from out of town, wouldn’t this be like having two weddings?  Not that I am not up for having two parties all about me, I am just wondering who to invite and not invite!”

Great question, Rebecca, and one that’s increasingly relevant as more and more couples plan destination weddings and full wedding weekends.  Emily Post advises:

“The guest list normally includes all members of the wedding party and their spouses or partners; the close families of the couple; and special guests such as the officiant and his or her spouse.  Is the host obligated to invite out-of-town guests?  Though a nice thing to do, this is entirely optional.”

Agreed.  It is never incorrect to only invite “the essentials” to a rehearsal, but it is also a lovely gesture to open up a welcome dinner to the whole guest list.  As for your concern that doing so would essentially be like having two weddings, I’d recommend making sure that the two events are very different in tone and formality.  A great example is Kristen + Grant’s celebration in Sea Island, GA.  You can see their relaxed clambake welcome dinner here, and their glitzy, glam wedding here and here.

Another option, if money is a concern, is to hold a welcome dinner but not host it.  My sister is having a destination wedding this August.  90% of the guests will be traveling, so we want to spend as much time as possible with those we love and don’t get to see very often.  We’ve organized a welcome dinner at a local lobster shack on the Friday before the wedding.  On the card detailing the weekend’s events, we wrote “We recommend budgeting about $12 per person planning to eat lobstah!” as a gentle indication that we wouldn’t be picking up the bill.

What do y’all think?  Are you hosting a welcome dinner?  Are you holding one?  Do you think either is a better option?  Why?

Email me if you have a question you’d like to see discussed on the blog!  I’d be happy to take a stab at it.

Written with love by Southern Weddings
7 Comments
  1. avatar nb reply

    I have been part of a wedding party (destination wedding ) and was obviously included in the dinner portion. The bride then invited all the guests for dessert at the same location. It was a low cost way to include everyone.

  2. avatar kaity reply

    I’m definitely dealing w/this situation. All our family will be out of towners and only 15-20 guests out of our 80 person wedding will be local.Of the truly local guests, one of them is going to be our officiant – so I feel obligated to invite that circle of friends too, leaving me with nearly all guests at both events.I don’t mind, but it’s overwhelming to think about!

  3. avatar Julia reply

    "Lobstah"? New England destination wedding? Maine, maybe? Perhaps my FAVORITE place in the world. Great advice, by the way!

  4. avatar Emily @ Southern Weddings reply

    You got it, Julia! We’ll be in Maine this August — can’t come soon enough!

  5. avatar ShannonP reply

    We did a happy hour event before our rehearsal dinner which everyone was invited to. We supplied appetizers and left it as a cash bar. It was a great way to see all the out of town guests (though in towners were invited as well) before the wedding but keep our actual rehearsal dinner size smaller. Plus, it gave extended family members and friends a meeting time and place where they could congregate before heading out to their own dinner.

  6. avatar Emily reply

    We had a pig pickin’ as a rehearsal dinner and invited everyone, which turned out wonderful. Friends are surprised when we tell them there were 200+ people at the wedding, because they say it felt so intimate, partially because of having spent the night before getting to know everyone.

  7. avatar Cathy reply

    Being brought up in the north, we only had the wedding party and partners with the grandparents. Both of our children are getting married in 2017, both in Charlotte. Much to our surprise my son told us he wanted to invite all out of town guests, there are many!! Now is upset with us that we don’t agree. He hasn’t offered to help with the expenses and I don’t think the venue will hold the amount of people. On a side note, the brides mothers friend owns the rehearsal venue where I was expected to use. HELP!!!

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