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Hey y’all!  We’re back with another question from a reader.  Said reader — let’s call her Ella –wrote in with an invitation wording conundrum.  Between you and me, I think invitation wording can be one of the trickiest parts of wedding planning, particularly if you don’t have a… traditional family.  Here’s Ella’s story:

“My fiance and I are planning a small, at-home wedding (like my mom and grandma had) and we’re working on invitation wording.  My parents are divorced.  My dad and step-mom are Mr. and Mrs. C.  My mom uses her maiden name now, Ms. A, though she is married to my step-dad, Mr. B.  Yup, I’m a lucky bride with four parents!  The wedding will be at my mom and step-dad’s home — the home of Ms. A and Mr. B.  How should the invitation reflect this?  It’s just a regular old home, no fancy name (it’s not Tara!).  Would the “Bride’s Mother’s home” be awkward?  I’m concerned that my future-in-laws won’t recognize my mom’s maiden name and get very confused.  I know this is a very specific question, but I’m sure there are lots of other ‘modern’ families out there with similar issues.”

Image credits: Elum Designs, Bella Figura, and Wiley Valentine

First, I have to commend Miss Ella for her excellent attitude about the whole situation.  Kudos to you, lady, for appreciating your family in whatever form it takes! Here’s my two cents:

If Ms. A (with or without Mr. B) is listed as the host or as a co-host with Mr. (with or without Mrs.) C, then I think it’s fine to say something along the lines of “Reception to follow at the home of Ms. A” or “Reception to follow at the home of the bride’s mother.”  The guests will be able to reference the host lines, and there should be no confusion at to who Ms. A or the bride’s mother is.

If Ms. A will not be listed as a co-host, then I think it would be fine to say “Reception to follow at the home of Ms. A, mother of the bride.”

A third option would be to cut out some of the confusion and simply put “Reception to follow at a private home” (followed by the street address).

And lastly, if you like your original suggestion (“Reception to follow at the Bride’s Mother’s home”), I think that’s a fine option, too.  Doesn’t sound particularly awkward to me!

Whew!  I hope that makes sense, and gives you a few more options than you might have previously thought up. I’m sure Ella would still appreciate any advice y’all could give, dear readers.  Do you have a solution I haven’t thought of?  Please leave it in the comments!

And, as always, if you’d like an outside opinion on an etiquette dilemma you’re currently struggling with, send me an email!  Until next time!

Images in header c/o Millie Holloman

Written with love by Southern Weddings
4 Comments
  1. avatar F and S @sanebrideadvice reply

    Totally could have used these types of posts when I was getting married…Never easy finding the wording because every situation is totally different. Great one!

  2. avatar Shawn reply

    Just tweaked the wording on our invitation. Thanks very much!

  3. avatar Leslie Vega reply

    Perfect solution suggestions, Emily! I think "Reception to follow at the Bride’s Mother’s home" works beautifully, while "Reception to follow at a private home" works just as well if the invite design calls for something shorter and simple.

  4. avatar invitation consultant reply

    wonderful suggestions. great post!

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Hi, y’all!  With Memorial Day right around the corner, I have a timely etiquette question to discuss.  What of the holiday weekend wedding?  Is it rude to schedule your wedding for, say, the July 4th weekend?  There are essentially two camps.

The first says that individuals and families often have their own long-standing traditions based around long weekends, and that scheduling a wedding during said weekend forces them to abandon your wedding or abandon their tradition.  Plus, flights and hotels are often more expensive over a holiday, and besides, some people just like to relax when they have a rare Monday off.

The second maintains that just as the bride and groom have the choice of when to schedule their wedding, their guests have the choice of whether or not to attend.  Many host families think an extended weekend essentially makes the travel worth more for their guests, as there is more time for both scheduled events and casual get togethers, all without taking more time off work.

I have to say, I’m firmly in the second camp.  I’ve always thought (shhhhhh, don’t tell!) Labor Day Weekend would be my first choice for my wedding — the weather is usually perfect in Connecticut at that point, and the three-day span would allow plenty of time for auxiliary events. 

But what about you?  Has anyone planned or is anyone planning a holiday weekend wedding?  How has it gone over with your guests?  Do you think scheduling a holiday wedding is rude?

Let me know what you think, and, as always, send me your etiquette queries for a future edition!

Lovely image above by Stacey Kane who has a gorgeous new site!  Images in header c/o Millie Holloman.

Written with love by Southern Weddings
23 Comments
  1. avatar Kate F reply

    Our wedding is actually scheduled for this Labor Day Weekend on Long Island, so it’s obvious which camp we’re in. I completely agree with the notion that the guests have a choice whether or not to attend, and I won’t think badly of those that are unable to do so. There will always be conflicts with dates, so we might as well choose the weekend we prefer to celebrate our marriage. Thanks for the post!

  2. avatar F @ sanebrideadvice.blogspot.com reply

    Im heading to a weekend wedding this weekend. While at first I wasnt so thrilled about the fact of sitting in traffic, I am now excited to spend the weekend celebrating the love. I think it helps the bride and groom(as well as guests) fit everything in! and an extra day for relaxation cant hurt either :)

  3. avatar Kt reply

    well, I’m firmly in the second camp as well, since we scheduled our wedding for Memorial Day 2011. Almost everyone has to travel, even though we tried to pick central location, rather than my (very) rural hometown. And we’re happily attending a friend’s wedding this coming Labor Day, so I’m all for it for those 2 weekends. I think July 4th and Thanksgiving can be a bit trickier, though I’ve known people who’ve made it work.

  4. avatar Amanda reply

    We’re scheduled for September 4th 2011 (next LaborDay) precisely because the weather and sunlight in PA are usually golden and because of the three day weekend we can spend more time on saturday hanging out with everyone – think bonfire at the river – and monday can be a day of recovery before the week! Plus my new husband will only have to take 4 days off of work rather than 5 which is a big deal with his job. In our families there are no traditional labor day get togethers, but many folks use labor day to go away camping or on trips. We’ve realized that we will have to send our save-the-dates over a year in advance because folks book travel plans so early. We chose a unique venue – a restored bank barn at the lake surrounded by big fields as the location for the ceremony and reception and are planning a relaxed classy picnic for the reception with smoked ribs on site. We hope that everyone will spend labor day next year having their outdoor adventures with us next year!

  5. avatar Lisa Jeffries reply

    I would likely attend (I’ve attended a Valentine’s Day wedding before which also happened to be the day that NCSU beat Carolina in basketball in Raleigh of my senior year of college… all of my friends were there and the texts they sent did not make missing it any easier), but I wouldn’t be thrilled about it. I’m on the side of NOT doing it on holiday weekends because of the potential of interfering with traditions, more expensive travel, and less consideration for the guests which I think really is a big part of wedding planning that a lot of people forget about it. Yes, I realize it’s about the couple, however, it is clearly also about the 100 (or more) people attending for that reason alone… they’re attending. Just my $0.02 :-)

  6. avatar Angela reply

    Hi Emily! My fiance and I are getting married in just a few short weeks on July 3 in Houston, Texas. Originally, the thought of getting married on a holiday weekend did not seem ideal, but after a few considerations we decided to go with it! Most of my fiance’s family lives out of state or out of the country. It is a rare occasion for all of them to get together for holiday’s anymore, so we thought this would be a great weekend for everyone to have a reason to get together and celebrate. My future in-laws are planning a fourth of July BBQ on the Sunday after our wedding for any friends and family that want to get together and enjoy the holiday. We also decided that since most of our guests would be giving up their holiday weekend, that we wouldn’t leave until Monday for our honeymoon ensuring more time with our guests. The holiday weekend doesn’t seem to have stopped people from RSVPing "Yes!" I guess in our case, the holiday weekend was a better choice. If they were going to spend money on flights and hotels, we wanted them to have the chance to enjoy their time here rather than making a quick trip within a short weekend.

  7. avatar Sarah reply

    We are actually planning a July 4th wedding this year. WIth such a limited budget and large families, we know we couldn’t afford a Saturday wedding. A holiday weekend was almost our only choice since 95% of our guest list is going to be out-of-town. Throughout the whole planning process we took our guests into consideration. We wanted to be able to afford serving them a nice dinner and a good time where they wouldn’t have to feel pressured to either drive back home late or have to miss work days. July 4th is often a pretty low-key holiday where our family gets together to have a BBQ so why not have everyone together for a wedding. The people that really care about your wedding and really want to be there, won’t mind doing their cookouts the Friday before or just not doing it this year. It will still be a good time and a celebration anyways. However, we completely understand certain people can’t make it because they made vacation plans in advance. The bride and groom just have to accept that not everyone will make it (which is the case no matter when you have it).

  8. avatar Erin T reply

    I’m getting married Sunday Sept 5, this year. We’re even having a beach wedding in NJ (yes, we are CRAZY). With my family from NJ and his from Florida we wanted to pick a date that everyone could get the most out of. We also chose the beach so guests could also make it a mini-vacation if they chose to do so. So I have to agree a holiday (or Labor Day) wedding is wonderful! BTW- I am going to a wedding this holiday weekend too!

  9. avatar Heather_n_Will reply

    I am in the second camp too. We are having our 10 year wedding renewal this Labor Day weekend, Sept. 4, 2010. I think the extended weekend makes things eaiser for our out of town guests and doesn’t interfere with the majority of their work schedules… plus Labor Day is not really a big tradition holiday for most other than a BBQ or something of that sort. Having a Christmas or Thanksgiving wedding might be a lot trickier because those are huge tradition holidays. The only way I would ever try something of that sort is a.) everyone you know you will invite lives very close by and never goes out of town for the holiday or b.) your invites are all scrooges who hate the holiday and make a point of not celebrating them in anyway. Although the b group might not be that fun at your wedding, but oh, well. ;)

  10. avatar terib reply

    I’m bias, but I’m all for holiday weekend weddings. When you’re in "that stage" of your life and it seems like everyone you know is a bride-to-be it can be tough to watch all your vacation days go to weddings and wedding related events. When planning our wedding we were looking at late August in San Diego when a couple friends approached us and said, "Um, why don’t you just have it over Labor Day Weekend." I was immediately worried that people would be annoyed so we took an informal poll with our friends and I’d say 95% of our friends and family loved the idea for the following reasons: 1) Not having to take vacation days2) People love to have "cool plans" for holiday weekends3) It instantly brings all your friends and family together for the holiday weekend4) Easier to plan additional wedding events (we hosted a day at the Races on Saturday and the wedding was Sunday) 5) People told us that we were basically hosting a holiday weekend party for everyone. All in all, they loved it. We had great feedback and if you give people enough notice travel plans aren’t an issue. We’ve also attended a friend’s "5th of July" wedding which was great fun for us too!

  11. avatar Nansen reply

    Holidays might not be perfect times, but it is so hard to plan with busy lives and booked venues. When the bride plans the wedding, she considers the schedules and understands if some cant attend. In some situations that might even be a benefit!

  12. avatar Melissa Schollaert reply

    I love New Year’s Eve weddings. How fun would it be to have a great party and say I DO at the stoke of midnight and kiss in the New Year! I can’t imagine a better way to start a marriage.

  13. avatar KH reply

    Our wedding is on September 4, 2010 – Labor Day Weekend. With FI’s family making the trip to Florida from various parts of the country, we wanted everyone to have the extra days off to enjoy the "vacation". We’ve planned a few group activities as well as made suggestions on local attractions/restaurants/shopping. I think holidays are fine as long as you show your guests a good time and provide helpful ideas on how to make the most of the trip.

  14. avatar John reply

    I’m a male, so my opinion my get thrown in that pile – but holiday weddings are tough. The choice of whether or not to attend is not really the same as the bride and groom picking a date. Take Memorial Day – If I were to travel to a coastal or vacation market my hotel will be twice the normal rate and I will most likely feel the need to stay Fri-Mon, or 3 nights instead of 2. It is much easier to afford or easily say "yes" to an off weekend. Most folks want to relax and stick their feet in the sand or put them up on a porch with friends, not have their vacation scheduled around someone else. People will probably still say "yes" to the wedding, but not before they’ve said a whole lot more before they get there.

  15. avatar jen reply

    i am big on the no…..you are already asking guests to buy a gift, possibly buy a flight and hotel room…..don’t take up their holiday weekends too. for family it may be ok because they would already be getting together but what about your friends who may have had holiday weekend plans with their family? i think holiday weddings are extremely inconsiderate!!

  16. avatar Marissa reply

    I absolutely LOVE weddings that fall on a holiday weekend. I spent 8 yrs in New England for school and I’m from CA. When school was finished (2001) I zipped back to CA and now live in WA. I have traveled back east for all of my friends weddings and the ones that have been most memorable have been the ones over holiday weekends – Not to mention the fact that often times I’m trying to figure plans out anyhow – having a wedding to attend means the plans are made for me =) May favorite weddings have been Labor Day, July 4th, and I went to one on NYE that was just awesome….Clearly I vote YES for holiday weekend weddings =)

  17. avatar Dennis @ Wholesale Fresh Flowers reply

    Most families have their own traditions on holidays. I wouldn’t ask family or friends to sacrafice their holiday tradition in order to be witness at my wedding. You want the guests to enjoy the wedding and that would be difficult to do fully if they are missing something special that happens only once a year in their life.

  18. avatar Amanda reply

    While I wouldn’t go as far as to say they’re inconsiderate, I am not big on holiday wedding weekends. I’m headed to one this weekend and bummed about all the fun events I’m missing at home. If you’re truly thinking about your guests, I think any bride would lean towards a weekend that won’t be a big inconvenience to them. Except for the bride and groom’s very closest friends and family, NO ONE wants to use a holiday weekend to go to a wedding.

  19. avatar Lindsey McDole reply

    I’m planning on having mine on Veteran’s Day next year, which falls on a Friday. To my fiance and I, it’s perfect, since we will be honoring our loved ones who have passed, including many who have fought in wars. It seemed only fitting and quite perfect to us.

  20. avatar Darren reply

    Holiday weekends also tend to mean greater competition/demand for vendors and venues. So there may be an additional cost.

  21. avatar Little Miss Wonderful reply

    As a lover of all things wedding, and a bride of 16 years ago – which makes me more of a "guest" at this point. . . my favorite wedding ever was one I attended on New Year’s Eve. It was a magical and holy way to begin the new year – and new life together. They danced to "What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve". Perfect. Glass bell ornaments were favors, and every year since, when I hang it on our Christmas tree, I think of the happy couple (14 years for them) and remember the awesome night of their wedding!

  22. avatar Nancy Elizabeth reply

    Our wedding is this upcoming Labor Day Weekend. Sunday Sept, 5. And with our harbor-side New England wedding, it has been a challenge with hotels, venues, traffic and all sorts of extra obstacles and costs. However this was one of our only options with my fiancé in the military. During flight training he could not promise me any particular weekend off, especially over a year in advance. We decided on Labor Day Weekend since even if he is not granted time off he gets the 3 days! (A wedding without a groom is no good, and we have heard of that happening to many military couples!)I know for some friends and family this is an extra burden, but for others the 3 day weekend works well, overall we are grateful for all the effort everyone is making to be there and share in the celebration!

  23. avatar Marianne reply

    Our wedding is in Connecticut on September 4, 2010-Labor Day weekend! We hope the weather will be perfect as we're planning an outdoor wedding(with a tented reception)! 80% of our guests are from out of town, so we checked airfare prices before we booked the date to see if it would be more expensive. It wasn't!(as long as people reserved in advance).Even the hotels have been surprisingly reasonably priced. Most people seemed happy to see that it fell over a long weekend so they didn't need to take off extra time from work. Looking forward to that perfect end of summer weather in New England :)

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One of my favorite features in the last issue was “60 Ways to Have a Southern Wedding.”  Pretty appropriate for Southern Weddings magazine, no?  Being the native Northerner I am, I learned a lot from the experts we polled; I hope even our born-and-bred Southern readers came away with a few new ideas!  Here, a few of the most delightful nuggets from the piece, along with a few of the sweet images from Simply Bloom Photography:

No. 9. Stamped and sealed. “The traditional Southern bride loves engraved invitations on cream paper in black writing with the family crest centered at the top,” notes North Carolina wedding planner Ivy Robinson.  “I like putting a spin on this by taking the crest and letterpressing it into a bellyband around the invitation.”  Don’t have a family crest?  Commission a designer to create a modern, light-hearted take on the old-school imagery that you and your husband’s new family will be able to use for years to come.

12. Gardenia girls. “Rather than dropping petals down the aisle, have your ‘flower girls’ hand a traditional Southern flower (magnolias, gardenias, freesia, wisteria) to each lady as she is seated for the ceremony,” suggests California wedding planner Lisa Vorce, owner of Oh, How Charming!.  “Gardenias are perfect for hair florals, and everyone loves the smell of them.”  Pass out hair pins for ease of styling.

22. Grit and bear it. Mashed potato bars? Delicious, but not particularly Southern.  A grits bar?  Southern through and through.  Set out cheese, gourmet salts, bacon, honey, brown sugar, hominy, and shrimp for mix-ins, and have an attendant standing by ready to grind fresh black pepper.

30. Sno-to-go. Rent a sno-cone truck, suggests Erika Firm, designer and president of Delphine.  “Mint julep sno-cones are fabulous and pretty.  Be sure to add a sprig of mint on top, and hand out short straws, as well.”  Perfect for hot Southern summers!

56. Man about town. “Elegant, charming, and gentlemanly ushers and groomsmen are inherent to a Southern wedding,” remarks Marcy Blum, event planner and entertaining expert.  Help your male counterparts rise to the occasion by gently reminding them of their responsibilities on the big day, and keep them on task by printing out wallet-sized schedules of the day’s events for reference when guests inevitably ask them for assistance.

60. Good gracious. “Most of all, something Southern that will never change is being a gracious host,” summarizes Tara Guerard, principal and lead designer of wedding planning company Soiree.  “It’s all about being attentive to your guests and their experience at the wedding — making sure that the lights are never too bright, the music never too loud to have a conversation, the food and drink plentiful and easy to access, the entertainment well organized and appropriate.  It’s making sure that there is comfortable seating, a great view of the dance floor and a clear understanding of the evening’s schedule.  You want your guests to feel happy that they attended your wedding, and not that it was a chore.”  We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

A peek at the inside…

Be sure to grab a copy of the newest issue to soak in the other 54 very Southern suggestions!

 

Written with love by Southern Weddings
1 Comment
  1. avatar Lauren @ Every Last Detail reply

    This was seriously my favorite feature in the last issue. I think I spent a few hours reading it. No lie. :)

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