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Author: Kristin

Good afternoon, dears! Disclaimer, this post was crafted in my pjs during the Southern Weddings slumber party this week before a fun-filled Team Shoot day. Marissa and I spent the evening giggling over her big news and chatting about how we communicate best with our spouses, which was a perfect preparation for today’s marriage hint topic. We have already tackled hint no. 1 – Making Laughter Happen – and today we are moving into a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Using Your Words.

We use words every single day and we know all too well that they have the ability to build you up when used properly and cause troubles when used ineffectively. When navigating the newlywed waters (oh heavens – when navigating any relationship), words must be used intentionally and carefully. For Kyle and I, this means a couple of different things. We try really hard to be intentional about what we say. We also try to be thoughtful, and provide constructive feedback to one another. Better yet – we try communicating purposefully, proactively, and practically. Sounds fancy, but it’s really not!

Kyle and I try very hard to purposefully communicate our affection and love for one other through a variety of channels: a simple ‘love you’ text message in the middle of the day, a note tucked in a work bag, or – my personal favorite – “I Love You” written in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror. We all need reminders, especially once our relationships move past the initial heady phase. Say it aloud, write it down, get creative. For those of you just on the doorsteps of getting married, I encourage you to put this into practice as you are making your final wedding preparations. Don’t lose sight of why you are getting married. You are getting married because you LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Remind each other regularly. Be purposeful. You too, married folks :)

The simple act of proactive communication can head off so much confusion and hurt feelings before they happen. Imagine you had a pretty rotten day at work. Instead of trudging through the house with a big sigh, a door slam, and an impolite comment, call your significant other on your way home and say, “Honey, mercy! I’ve had an awful day. I’m ready to be home, hug you, sit down, and do nothing.” This little bit of a heads-up will allow your other half to adjust and be better prepared to communicate with you when you get home. AND they might even meet you at the front door with a carton of your favorite ice cream and the takeout pizza menu :)

All photos by Erin Lindsay Images. See more from this engagement session in our Facebook Friday series!

Your spouse is not a mind reader. Being thoughtful but politely direct and practical can be a powerful tool to reduce frustration while helping to make things happen. For example, if you want help with the dishes after supper, I promise that asking for help is far more effective than letting the dishes pile up for a few days or begrudgingly washing the dishes by yourself while muttering under your breath.

Remember, the point of this list is to help you toward or encourage you in a fulfilling relationship. None of us are ever going to be perfect – these things are HARD. As y’all know, I 100% believe that good marriage can change the world and I hope you are up for the challenge. Now, go tell your favorite sweetie that you love them!!

How do you navigate the communication channels of a relationship? Have a tip to share that’s worked for you? Share your thoughts below!

P.S. Don’t miss the introduction to hints for a happy marriage!

Erin Lindsay Images is a delightful member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
8 Comments
  1. avatar Florida wedding inspiration- Advice on recipes, fashion, style, and events! reply

    […] beautiful engagement session you see above was captured by the talented  Erin Lindsay Images on Southern Weddings Hints for a Happy Marriage Use Your Words Post! So be sure so head on over there to see the rest of this engagement session and don’t forget […]

  2. avatar Emily reply

    Love this, Kristin! I think my best tip for communication is one I learned from my dad when I was much younger: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” If I know I’m in a foul mood or getting heated about something, instead of snapping, I try to gather my last shred of composure and say, “I think I need to be alone right now.” Not ideal, but much better than saying something I’d later regret.

    • avatar Kristin reply

      Em! I couldn’t agree more with this advice. I can be guilty of muttering just loudly enough to be heard but not loudly enough to be clear. It is is often those things that should not be said because they fall under the ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all’ category. I think that trying to be proactive and practical with my communication reduces my falling victim to unhelpful muttering…

  3. avatar Lisa reply

    I love all of these tips, but the one about proactive communication is something I had never really thought of. Such good advice!

  4. avatar Hints for a Happy Marriage: Keep Dating « Southern Weddings Magazine reply

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Y’all, I am happier than a pig in slop to be back chatting about all things marriage. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and after 30+ years of life and 13+ months of marriage, I couldn’t agree more!! My first hint for a happy marriage rule is all about making giggles, chuckles and belly laughs happen.

Gracious me, I fully believe that life is WAY more enjoyable with a little (or a lot of) laughter. For my and Kyle’s marriage, this means two things: we try to make sure we don’t take ourselves too seriously when uncontrollable things happen, AND we purposefully ensure that we find things each day to make us laugh.

Chances are good that life WILL get a little hectic trying to juggle the day-to-day and things will inevitably slip through your fingers on occasion – a slightly crispy supper or a load of fresh ‘pink’ laundry? Being able to laugh while calling for Chinese takeout or while Googling “how to turn pink laundry white again” will diffuse a situation that you ultimately don’t have the ability to magically fix; pretty hard to un-burn the chicken casserole or take out the red sock that you didn’t see when you started the wash.

As for deliberately placing opportunities for laughter in each day – perhaps you can make plans to watch a funny TV show or movie, play a game, or check out a fun people-watching spot. We find that just sitting down and talking about our days over supper will inevitably lead to us laughing about this or that while simply having a genuine conversation. And when all else fails, I think a tickle war is a perfect laughter-inducing exercise (although this is ultimately a losing battle for me).

Happy Everything Co

Remember back when you first started dating? Or think back to that boy you liked who chased you around the playground in second grade? I am pretty sure there was a lot of snickering involved. Heavens alive, giggling is good for the soul. So I challenge you to find the laughter in your every day AND in your marriage. I’m definitely not a doctor, but I do think it’s some of the best medicine :)

Excited to hear about how y’all make laughter happen – make sure you share your ideas below!

P.S. In case you missed a hint…Introduction

kristin Written with love by Kristin
4 Comments
  1. avatar Emily reply

    Love this, my dear! John is brilliant at diffusing any situation, and usually he does it by pretending he’s our cats talking to me :) Yep, we’re wacky!

  2. avatar madelynne moulton reply

    Corey LOVES to hike up his pants like Steve Urkel. It gets me every time :)

  3. avatar Hints for a Happy Marriage: Put on Your Spouse's Shoes – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] outlooks – quite appropriate for this week’s hint. Thus far, we have tackled hints one and two and today we are swapping shoes!! This doesn’t mean literally trying on each other’s […]

  4. avatar Hints for a Happy Marriage: Fight Fair – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] to this series? Catch up here: Intro 1: Make Laughter Happen 2: Use Your Words 3: Put On Your Spouse’s Shoes 4: Keep Dating 5: Be Present 6: Take a Deep […]

Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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Y’all, we are all busy enjoying summer in the South, quickly checking off #SummerDoin after #Summerdoin. I have already picked fresh blueberries, tried my hand at making fried green tomatoes and served some friends homemade peach ice cream – made with fresh peaches from the farmer’s market. Don’t miss out on the chance to print out the Summer Doin’ Challenge and join in the fun!

Speaking of fun, wouldn’t it be thrilling to open your order from the Southern Weddings Shop and find a $25 Golden Gift Card? And wouldn’t it be MORE fun to take that $25 gift card and plan the most perfect Southern Summer date night?

All you have to do is scurry over to the Southern Weddings Shop and make a purchase between now and midnight on July 31st (TOMORROW!!). We’ll be tucking a Golden Gift Card (also known as a $25 AMEX gift card — think Mr. Wonka’s Golden Ticket) into one lucky person’s order over the next two days! How fun, right?

Just in case YOU are the lucky recipient of our Golden Gift Card, we’ve rounded up a few ideas for planning the perfect Southern summer date night with your winnings:

Oh my heavens alive, even if you don’t win, these all sound like a lot of fun, but remember what they say — you can’t win if you don’t play! Now scoot on over to the Shop, make a purchase, and YOU could be the proud recipient of our $25 Golden Gift Card! Remember, all purchases made between now and July 31st at midnight are eligible. Best wishes!!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
1 Comment
  1. avatar Victoria reply

    Loving all the Southern Livings lifestyle things lately and dreaming of a separate launch one day.. :) Printed off both of these charts for a little summertime fridge eye candy and inspiration! Thank ya! :)

Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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