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Emily Plans a Wedding: Wedding Day Details

by in Expert Advice, Main, SW Weddings on

Hi, friends! As some of you may know, John’s sister is getting married this weekend!! (Whoo!) There’s much excitement in the air, as well as a flurry of last-minute details (though thankfully, everything is well-organized and under control!). All the buzz has made me think about the flow on my and John’s actual wedding day, and so today, I thought I’d lump a few topics under one post: portraits, timeline, first look, and day-of coordinator. I know some of y’all have had questions about the decisions we’ve made in these areas, so I hope this post is helpful!

Let’s talk timeline first. My best recommendation? Start this early, and add times and details as you confirm them throughout your engagement. I probably made version 1.0 of our timeline eight months ago. It’s since changed many times, and it’s not finalized yet, but it helps to have at least a skeleton of a schedule to refer to when you’re making decisions. Start with the most basic building blocks: When do you have to vacate your venue? When does your ceremony begin? Your vendors will likely help you out as you begin to fill in the details – i.e. your photographer should let you know how long she or he needs for portraits, your hair and makeup people should let you know how long it will take them to prettify the list you provide. If they don’t offer this info, ask! As in most things, never assume you’re on the same page about how things will run – always confirm. One more tip? ALWAYS over estimate how long things will take, especially moving groups of people from one place to another.

Our timeline for September 15 starts at 8:30am, which is when my Mom, sisters, and I will leave our house and head to the hotel where we’ll get ready. From 9:30am to 1pm Tia will be working her hair and makeup magic on my, my bridesmaids, and my Mom. I plan to write more about this part of the morning in a future Emily Plans a Wedding post, so we’ll leave it at that for now! Here’s a peek at the beginnings of our timeline – just a simple Word doc!

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At 1:45, I, my bridesmaids, and my immediate family members will have arrived at our portrait location. We’ll cycle through a variety of different groupings while we await the rest of our party. At 2:15, John, his gents, and the rest of his immediate family will have arrived at our portrait location. At this point, we’ll set up our first look.

I use the term “set up” loosely, as I am really not a fan of the elaborately staged first look. In fact, the only thing I really care about is that it is as private as possible. Of course, our photographers (2) and videographers (2) will be in the vicinity, but other than that, we’d like it to be as private as possible. (I know some folks have their bridal parties or families in on the action, and truly, I don’t really care if they’re watching as long as I don’t know they’re watching.) I also really don’t like the whole “tapping on the shoulder” thing, so, depending on what Tanja thinks, we’ll probably just have John waiting, facing the direction I’ll be approaching from, and I’ll walk around the corner towards him. I might start running :)

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He & She Photography

Why did we choose to do a first look? The decision was largely based on logistics. We have large families, and we wanted to make sure we had enough time to get all of the important groupings in good light, with minimal stress, and without cramping Tanja’s style. Also? As I’ve mentioned before, I know John is going to be pretty darn nervous on the morning of our wedding, and I think it would be best to vent at least a little of the emotion pre-ceremony so that we can both be present and enjoy it once we’re in the church. It’s not the right choice for everyone, but I believe it is for us!

Before we continue with the timeline, I’d like to mention a brief aside about large group portraits. They’re kind of my thing. As you may recall, a knack for effortless, natural posing was one of my top three critera when it came to choosing our photographer. I love to pin favorite portraits, and some of the photos from my sister’s wedding are some of my lifetime favorites. Because really, though I love the details as much as anyone else, the portraits are what you’ll treasure for the rest of your life, am I right? On that note, here are a few of my favorites:

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From top to bottom: Jessica Monnich, Adam Barnes, Tanja Lippert, Adam Barnes

Clearly Tanja is a master at this stuff, so I have no doubt we’ll get exactly what we want. If you’re concerned about your photographer and/or your family members being comfortable with something like this, here are my two best tips: squeeze in much closer than you think is necessary, and make sure people are touching at different points and in different ways – a hand on an elbow there, an interlocked arm there. For more, I really enjoyed this post on relaxed family portraits by photographer Caroline Joy.

But back to the timeline! We’ve allotted an hour for family portraits, and with travel time, we expect to arrive at the chapel at 4pm. At 4:30, our ceremony will begin. Because of all the things we’re planning on packing into our ceremony (see here + here!), we expect it will last about 40 minutes.

We will not be doing a receiving line at the church, and our plan is to basically walk directly out of the church, into our waiting car, and hightail it to the reception location so that Tanja can work her photo magic on the details before our guests arrive at the cocktail hour. Once she’s finished up what she needs to do, we’ll take portraits for approximately half an hour, and then we’ll join our guests for the last half of cocktail hour.

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Tanja Lippert. Squeal!!

Our cocktail hour and reception spaces are distinct, so at 6:30, we’ll welcome our guests into the reception tent. We are doing a “grand entrance” with our full bridal party (one of the only things we’ve definitely picked out a song for!), and then we’ll move directly into our first dance from there. Immediately after our first dance my Dad will give his toast, and then the “first course” will be served (for more about our food choices, check out this post!). About an hour later, we’ll cut back in to do our best man and sibling toasts, John and I will speak briefly, and then we’ll do the father daughter/mother son dance before opening up the floor for dancing. After that the only other interruption will be when we cut the cake and share our slideshow, likely around 8:45. Our exit will be at 11pm.

So clearly I’ve thought about this timeline thing. But on the day of the wedding? I don’t want to be thinking about this timeline thing. And that’s where Diana comes in. Diana works with my friend Candice at Jubilee Events, an awesome wedding planning and event design company in Connecticut. Diana is our day-of coordinator, and I’m so grateful that I’ll be able to hand over the reins to someone so competent, kind, and resourceful come September! A planner or coordinator is not in every budget, but I would highly recommend making room for one if you can, and if not, at least arranging a handpicked family member or friend to be the point person on the day of your wedding. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, you want to be able to enjoy your wedding day instead of stressing over whether everything is getting set up correctly and whether little details are being taken care of! I think a day-of coordinator or planner is also a gift to your family and friends – both because you’ll be less stressed, and because it will allow them to relax, as well. A win win!

I think that about wraps things up for this week, friends! Any questions about our timeline or how things will run on our wedding day, just ask!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters | Where we’re getting married | I go dress shopping | We choose a photographer | I ponder bridesmaid style | Mini food! | The music | We’re renting a tent! | We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres | We send out our save the dates | I gather hair and makeup inspiration | We talk cake and sweets | I introduce you to our videographer | We create a registry | We buy a tuxedo | We style a reception | I choose accessories | We take engagement photos! | We plan our ceremony | We discuss ceremony music and readings

Adam Barnes is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

emily Written with love by Emily
6 Comments
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  1. avatar Melissa Vause reply

    Agghh! This post puts me in a panic haha I thought I had accomplished alot in the planning process already, but I have yet to develop v1.0 of the timeline! Luckily, the last vendor we’ve booked is a day-of planner so hopefully this will come together soon. There’s apparently so much left to do before December!

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Melissa! No need to panic :) You’ve definitely still got time before December, and your day of coordinator will help with your timeline! Good luck with the rest of your plans!!

  2. avatar Lauren Townes reply

    Emily, reading your timeline makes me feel exhausted! After 1’o’clock it takes off lol. I haven’t 100% committed to a first look yet, but I’m leaning towards it. Our ceremonies start at the same time so I’m wondering if we’ll have similar timelines! Thankfully I’m getting ready at home, however, so I can catch a few extra minutes of shut eye before it all begins!

    • avatar Emily reply

      I totally know what you mean, Lauren! The morning of the wedding is usually so calm and relaxed, and then it just gets to the point when you’re on the current and there’s no stopping it :)

  3. avatar Louise reply

    Emily,

    I am reading this post in ‘real time’… and it’s giving me goosebumps!

    I’ve been pouring through pages and pages of SW blog over the past few months, as I prepare for my wedding in November. I typically go to the posting for the day via Facebook or look for a specific topic depending on what my agenda is for the day. But, after reading your ‘sign off’ post the other day, I started to go through your ‘Emily Plans a Wedding’ Series more specifically (which is not only such a great resource, getting planning tips from an in-action bride, but I feel like I have someone real to relate to!).

    But back to your timeline post… I was reading this one on your actual wedding DAY which is so exciting!! Reading how and why you and John are doing a first look gave me goosebumps as it was, but when I looked at my clock and realized it was 2:15, I got butterflies in MY stomach! This is partially for the reasons I mentioned above of being able to relate to a current bride (and the happiness and excitement that exuded from you talking about running to him and him being nervous about seeing you), but also because I imagine me and my fiance at this stage of our wedding day.

    I am excited to get to that point in our day in November, and I thank you for sharing all of the details along the way of planning your day out, but specifically for sharing this post, because it has helped me (and made me excited) the most! We both also have large families – I’m one of 11 children and he’s one of 6, so talk about a large, Southern wedding! – and I hadn’t thought about the first look in light of taking our pictures before. I’ve always thought of it as something special for us to do but never felt I could ‘justify’ it, because of our family’s strong history of traditions. And first looks are not one of them). Now, I feel like we could have our special moment – which as you mentioned, will likely result in me running to him and him dispelling some of his nerves! – AND get the majority of our family pictures taken beforehand (we’re doing a 7pm ceremony, so by the time it’s over, it’ll be at least 8:15, so a long stint of pictures isn’t exactly super appealing).

    Anyway, I hope your wedding was everything y’all have hoped and planned for. Thank you for sharing!!! Even with version 1.0, it was the perfect resource.

    Louise

  4. avatar 10-tips-for-working-with-your-wedding-photographer | Southern Productions reply

    […] Create a generous timeline. I spoke about this a bit here, but if photographs are important to you, build in as much time as possible for them.  Generally […]

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Emily Plans a Wedding: The Ceremony, Part II

by in Main, Personal, SW Weddings on

Welcome back to the Emily Plans a Wedding series! Thank you so much for your thoughts on my last ceremony post – I loved reading through all of the comments! As promised, I’m back with a few more details about our wedding ceremony.

I think music is hugely important at wedding ceremonies, so John and I have had fun discussing which selections we might use! We haven’t come to too many final decisions yet, but I’m happy to share where we are in the process. Let’s run down the list from beginning to end, shall we?

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Both images by Picotte Weddings

We’ll kick off our late-afternoon ceremony with prelude music from a string trio. I’m so excited about this, as I adore the sound of strings! I would have loved to hire a quartet, but a trio fit more neatly into our budget. One quick tip: Lots of wedding resources recommend hiring musicians from a music school, but for us, this would have been a more expensive option than the route we ended up taking (hiring professional musicians from the Coast Guard band). It might work out for you, but make sure to do your research! I believe our trio will be made up of two violins and one cello.

For parts of the ceremony the strings will be joined by a piano to lend a little more weight and variety. I’m super excited that my former piano teacher will be our pianist for the day! Rachel was also my high school choral teacher, and I think it will be fun to have one more familiar face greeting us on the big day. We’ll add piano to the strings for the processional, starting with the seating of our families. I think we’ll use Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” for the seating of our families – it’s so beautiful, and for me, those swells mean nothing other than that a wedding is going to take place!!

We’re considering “Morning Has Broken” for my ladies’ entrance – I really love the pace of the Cat Stevens’ version:

For the recessional, I think we’re going to go with “Ode to Joy” – it’s one of my absolute favorite hymns, and both my parents and my older sister and her husband used it for their recessionals.

Here’s the one I’m stuck on – my processional. I want something with good movement and that really makes me feel something, and so far, none of the more traditional options are doing it for me. We have the go-ahead from our pastor to use a secular selection, since the processional isn’t counted as part of the worship service (at least according to him; some pastors might feel differently!). The only problem is that John doesn’t really like my two top contenders! He says he’s happy to use whichever song I like best, but I want something that we both love – after all, it’s both of our moment!

We’ll also have music during the service, and we are so grateful that one of my best friends has agreed to sing for us! Depending on how the rest of our ceremony shapes up, we might have her sing during communion, or possibly as a stand-alone solo. Our top contenders for her are “Set Me as a Seal” and “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.” If you haven’t heard the Sufjan Stevens version of “Come Thou Font,” you’re missing out!

Again, depending on how long our ceremony shapes up to run, we’d love to squeeze in a hymn that everyone sings, as well. Pretty much John’s favorite thing to do is sing hymns in church, so it would only be appropriate!

The last music-related question we’re pondering is whether to have a low undercurrent of music from the string trio while we recite our vows. I’m not sure about you, but the right instrumental music layered under words gets me nearly every time – I guess that’s the power of a soundtrack, you know? For example, whenever my church confirms young adults, they always play “Borning Cry” as the pastor moves down the line and the parents lay their hands on their children for the blessing. Oh my word, I cry every time, and I don’t even know any of these kids!!

So pros? It would likely heighten an already emotional moment. Cons? It would likely heighen an already emotional moment :) Also, one of my biggest pet peeves in all of weddings is ceremonies where you can’t hear the vows, so if we went this route, John and I would probably want to be mic’d (or have a handheld mic) so that the congregation could hear our vows over the music. Anyway, just something we’re considering, but I’d love additional thoughts from y’all if this is something anyone has tried!

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Beautiful ring bearer bowls from Paloma’s Nest. We won’t have a ring bearer, but our friend Caroline (she and I grew up in the same town!) has kindly gifted us one of her creations! Now to decide what we’d like to put on it… (Photo on left by Jana Morgan and photo on right by A Bryan Photo)

Lastly, I’d love to tell you about our readings! We’ve already chosen our readers – a dear friend with whom we attended both high school AND college, one of the first friends we made as a couple, and one of John’s aunts – but have yet to assign them pieces. We’ll likely use one from the Bible, and we have several under consideration. Here are a few:

Philippians 2:1-5, RSV:
“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any incentive of love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my job by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

Colossians 3:12-17, RSV,
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

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Austin Warnock via Southern Weddings

Romans 12:9-18, RSV:
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Proverbs 3:1-12, ESV:
My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine. My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom we delights.”

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Stephen DeVries via Southern Weddings

There’s also a favorite excerpt of ours from C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity that will likely make the cut. I think this excerpt is interesting in that when I first read it several years ago, I really didn’t like it. Now, seven and a half years into a relationship, I think there is almost nothing more beautiful than this sentiment. Here it is:

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairytale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense-love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else. “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

Lastly, since I was an English major with a concentration in poetry, I’d also like to include a more literary reading, but I haven’t come across the perfect one yet. Suggestions are welcome, and I’ll keep on the hunt in the meantime!

Whew! Thank you so much for reading along! Tell me: What readings are you having at your ceremony, if any? I LOVE hearing what readings others are using or have used, so please don’t be shy, and comment away!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters | Where we’re getting married | I go dress shopping | We choose a photographer | I ponder bridesmaid style | Mini food! | The music | We’re renting a tent! | We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres | We send out our save the dates | I gather hair and makeup inspiration | We talk cake and sweets | I introduce you to our videographer | We create a registry | We buy a tuxedo | We style a reception | I choose accessories | We take engagement photos! | We plan our ceremony

Stephen DeVries is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

emily Written with love by Emily
23 Comments
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  1. avatar Liz reply

    A song suggestion for your processional – Marry Me by Train, the instrumental version. That’s what my bridesmaids walked down the aisle to and it was absolutely beautiful.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Liz! I LOVE the instrumental version of that song! So beautiful. If I wasn’t concerned it was perhaps a bit cheesy/overdone, I was/am seriously considering it for our first dance. Perhaps!

    • avatar Liz reply

      Emily: Yes, I hear you. We were married almost 2 years ago so it was the beginning of the “Marry Me” song trend in weddings… Whereas I think this might be the end. But I will say, not many people recognized it as the Train song since it was played on the harp. Also, a literary reading suggestion: there is a poem that begins “Understand, I’ll slip quietly / Away from the noisy crowd…” from “First Poems” by Rainer Maria Rilke. It’s beautiful – look it up! & Here’s to being an English major!

  2. avatar Ashley reply

    We are also looking at possible readings for our ceremony. I know I want one biblical reading and one literary reading (I’m a total bookworm. My fiance wouldnt be surprised if I brought a book to our wedding lol). One of our favorite excerpts is from Plato’s Symposium, but it’s kinda long:

    “Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of the ills which prevent us from being happy.

    To understand the power of Love, we must understand that our original human nature was not like it is now, but different. Human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. There were three sexes then: one comprised of two men called the children of the Sun, one made of two women called the children of the Earth, and a third made of a man and a woman, called the children of the Moon. Due to the power and might of these original humans, the Gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. They sought for a way to end the humans’ insolence without destroying them.

    It was at this point that Zeus divided the humans in half. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of humankind.

    Each of us when separated, having one side only, is but the indenture of a person, and we are always looking for our other half. Those whose original nature lies with the children of the Sun are men who are drawn to other men, those from the children of the Earth are women who love other women, and those from the children of the Moon are men and women drawn to one another. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment. We pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love.”

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Ashley! I’ve never come across that reading, but it’s really lovely!

    • avatar cathy steiner reply

      Nice ashley…that reading is long but meaningful and pretty…just cut out some of the usual stuff you could do without to make room for it during the ceremony. I’m having a guitarist play & sing “More than Words” by extreme. We’re not religious so hymns won’t play a big role for us, although my aunt is saying a short blessing in spanish, and my sister in law will read a poem by an ancestor of mine, helen steiner rice…looking forward to it :) good luck everyone on your choices :)

  3. avatar Laura reply

    I love your music selections! For our congregational singing, we’re going to have Come Thou Fount too (one of my all-time faves) and during communion, Be Thou My Vision. For mine and the wedding party’s processional, we’re walkind down to Aaron Copeland’s Appalachian Spring. You know at the end, when the music swells so majestically? That’s when the door’s open and I’ll start walking down. I get chills even thinking about it! I’ve been trying to think if I wanted to have any kind of reading but couldn’t really find anything I liked (and that hadn’t been done a million times before) but I love that Mere Christianity quote! Even if we don’t have it read during the ceremony, I’ll have to incorporate it somewhere!

  4. avatar Laura reply

    I’ve also always loved this quote by St. Augustine “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

  5. avatar Kristen reply

    Wow! Love all of these reading ideas, both in your post and in the comments.

    I walked down to the instrumental version (we had organ and strings) to “Let All Things Now Living,” the secular version of which is called “The Ash Grove,” my great-grandmother’s favorite tune. It was so very special to me and my family. I suggest something that means something to you.

    The words to “Let All Things Now Living” is a wonderful hymn of thanksgiving, perhaps it could be an idea for your hymn (and it’s fun to sing, which is always a plus!). We had a hymn sung during our ceremony that my Mom picked out – “Go My Children With My Blessing.” We didn’t realize until we coordinated with the church musicians that the hymn as an optional wedding verse:

    “In this union I have joined you husband and wife.
    Now, my children, live together as heirs of life.
    Each the other’s gladness sharing,
    Each the other’s burdens bearing.
    Now, my children, live together as heirs of life.”

    To me the ceremony was my most favorite part to plan. Have fun putting it all together! I still get choked up thinking about all of the meaningful details of our ceremony.

  6. avatar Katie O’Keefe reply

    I love your song choices! We were blessed to have Chris Cleveland of Stars Go Dim sing and play piano at our ceremony. He sang and played “Come Just As You Are” for the bridesmaids and before I walked down the aisle. I had a lot of guests say how that gave them chills especially since we were wed at night in a little chapel…it made them feel like it was a real spiritual experience, which is what I wanted and what to me, a wedding ceremony is – spiritual. I also love your readings. We too used the C.S. Lewis quote with some Bible verses. You’ve made some beautiful choices, it’s fun to see this all come together!

  7. avatar Kori reply

    I am also struggling with what music to use in our ceremony especially the processional! I have also always love the Sufjan Stevens version of Come Thou Fount. I’m trying to decide where to use it! I’m glad to hear other brides wanting to include a hymn in their ceremony. I haven’t seen it much but I agree that the wedding ceremony is still a worship service. I think yours will turn out beautiful whatever you decide!

  8. avatar Anne reply

    I love that C. S. Lewis quote! Definitely one of my favorites. My husband and I used this passage from Donald Miller’s book Blue Like Jazz in our ceremony (actually, we based our vows on it):

    I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God’s own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.
    I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding you love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
    God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Wow, Anne! That is incredible. Definitely going to look into this quote further!

  9. avatar Laura reply

    Hi Emily!

    This may not fit the bill of “literary reading” entirely, but it is one my favorites. I have to give credit to Sarah Tucker’s blog for bringing it to my attention:
    http://www.fairytalesaretrue.com/2012/01/bravest-most-beautiful-affair.html

    And I totally agree with Kori with Sufjan Stevens. He’s awesome. You may want to also look into Bifrost Arts- they have some beautiful stuff. I’m torn on the music during the vows- I feel like the words will be profound enough to tug at the heartstrings. My suggestion is to leave them be for the ceremony, and let the videographer pull in music for the video. :)

  10. avatar NatalieG reply

    Hey Emily :) I love all of your ideas!!! I am also using a violin and cello, it will just be a duet. Stephanie Immordino’s version is gorgeous!!! Stings and a piano!!!! :) You’ll love it!!!

  11. avatar katie reply

    Beautiful choices! Your memory of the confirmation services at your church reminds me of a special addition we made to our ceremony. Towards the beginning, after the declaration of intention, we had a parents’ prayer. The pastor invited our parents forward to lay hands on us
    A friend sang my parents’ wedding song (There Is Love) for our guests to hear while our parents prayed over us and blessed us as a new family. It was such a sweet time. The photographer captured me sneaking a peek at my husband during the prayer and dabbing at his tears wth my handkerchief. Love! As for a poetic reading, there’s always e.e. cummings “I carry your heart with me.” It’s been done but oh so lovely!

  12. avatar Cynthia reply

    May I suggest you listen to a song called Ashoken Farewell. We played it in orchestra in middle school so it is not too complicated to find nor to learn. It was written for strings though you can also hear versions of it strictly on piano. It would sound lovely with the musicians you have chosen. It might also be befitting considering you’re quite the southern belle getting married in CT: Ken Burns used it as the underscore for his Civil War documentary. The pace of it would be good for walking down the aisle or underscoring your vows.

  13. avatar Tiffany reply

    I LOVE this! I’m on a fairly short timeline and so the little precious details are more difficult to include because there isn’t as much time to mull them over. Your ideas are super helpful in that area because you can tell it was so thoughtful!! Thanks for sharing.

  14. avatar Jessica Revell reply

    Emily,
    Many days have passed and I doubt you’ll ever see this, but I wanted to thank you for introducing me to the reading from Romans. It’s absolutely lovely. We’ll probably be borrowing it this June.

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Emily Plans a Wedding: The Ceremony, Part I

by in Main, Personal, SW Weddings on

Hello, lovely friends! Today we’ll be chatting about a topic that hasn’t gotten much airtime yet in the Emily Plans a Wedding series, but that is very close to my heart: our wedding ceremony. Despite my radio silence on the subject, it’s the part of our wedding weekend that I’m most looking forward to, and perhaps the part I’m most anxious about. In fact, I’ve got so much to say about the ceremony that I’ll be discussing it in my next post, too!

But let’s start at the beginning! For those of you who weren’t with us back in September, John and I will be saying our vows at the United States Coast Guard Memorial Chapel, on the grounds of the Coast Guard Academy in New London, CT.

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Fingers crossed we get a day just like this!! (Personal photo)

A few reasons why we love the CGA Chapel:

1. The Chapel welcomes visiting clergy, meaning there were very few obstacles to the pastor from our church in North Carolina performing the service.
2. It’s about 15 minutes away from our reception location.
3. My Dad is retired Coast Guard and taught at the Academy for 25+ years, so I have very happy memories associated with the base.
4. It is gorgeous! Love those blue walls and huge windows!

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One downside: that tile aisle is treacherously slippery! I’ve been walking around the house wearing my wedding heels to scuff the soles in preparation :)

I’ve mentioned it a couple times, but one thing that was really important to us was that our pastor from our church in North Carolina could perform our ceremony. (Some churches are very strict about who they will allow to lead a service, which means we were even more grateful to have found the CGA!) We have a tremendous amount of respect for our pastor and know he will help strike the joyful, thoughtful, faith-filled tone we’re hoping our service will have. Plus, we can’t wait to hear his message, AND we can’t wait for our Northern friends and family to enjoy his thick Southern accent :) Asking Carl to officiate was one of the first to-dos we checked off our planning list, and one of the best.

We made another big decision when we decided to serve communion at our ceremony. We were a little hesitant about doing this, because we know not all of our guests share our faith, but happily the United Methodist Church offers communion freely to all those who “want Christ in their life,” regardless of religion or denomination, and doesn’t question those who choose not to partake, for whatever reason.

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Photo on left by Kurt Boomer via 100 Layer Cake, photo on right by Lisa Lefkowitz via Style Me Pretty

John and I will be serving communion to our guests directly following our vows. We’ll use a silver cup from the church where my grandmother was baptized, and I’m hoping I’ll have a volunteer to bake us some bread! We find it very meaningful and appropriate that our first act as a married couple will be to serve others, and we’re also happy that communion will give us a chance to see each of our guests one by one, since we’re not doing a receiving line and won’t have a seated dinner at our reception.

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A favorite classic program design… still trying to figure out what ours will look like! (Photo by J. Cogliandro)

Speaking of vows: We’ll be saying the traditional ones, though perhaps with a few small tweaks. We think making the same vow that our parents and grandparents and their parents did is powerful, especially because we are lucky to have such beautiful examples of marriage in our parents. We’re still discussing exactly what we’ll say, but this is the rough draft:

“I, Emily, take you, John, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, all the days of my life.”

So exciting to think about actually saying those words, no?? I can’t wait!

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Another pretty set of programs, this one by Mr. Boddington’s Studio

We’re still discussing whether we’ll also exchange more personal vows at the ceremony in addition to the traditional ones. I’m all for it, while John is not totally on board (he’s a pretty traditional sort, plus he’s afraid he’s going to start bawling, which, I’ll admit, is a distinct possibility, but not really a problem, in my opinion!). Just in case we do go this route, I’ve been storing away ideas in a Google Doc for the past year – no last-minute vow writing for this girl!

I just keep thinking about my friend Katharine’s wedding – she and Kyle exchanged the most meaningful set of “promises” in addition to traditional vows, and it was definitely a highlight of their wedding. When I think about the other wedding ceremonies that have really stuck with me, it’s usually the ones that included some sort of personal words from the couple.

One thing that’s always confused me, though, is how, exactly, the personal vows are created. From my research, it seems like couples do it in a variety of ways. Some decide on a rough format (like Katharine and Kyle’s promises), word length, or length of time to ensure the vows somewhat resemble each other. Others write the personal vows together (like my sister and her husband), and exchange the same set. My thoughts, as of right now? There’s so much that I have painstakingly planned about this wedding, I think it would be a thrill to have at least one part of the day where I don’t know what’s going to happen – and hopefully, I’ll be delightfully surprised. (If not sobbing!)

I’ll be back soon to share more about our readings and music! In the meantime, tell me: What kind of vows did you recite, or what kind are you planning to recite? Traditional? Personal? Both? Please comment and let me know!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters | Where we’re getting married | I go dress shopping | We choose a photographer | I ponder bridesmaid style | Mini food! | The music | We’re renting a tent! | We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres | We send out our save the dates | I gather hair and makeup inspiration | We talk cake and sweets | I introduce you to our videographer | We create a registry | We buy a tuxedo | We style a reception | I choose accessories | We take engagement photos!

emily Written with love by Emily
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  1. avatar Madelynne Moulton reply

    We recited traditional vows for the very same reason y’all did! There’s something powerful about saying the same words as the generations that came before you. I LOVE the idea of writing your a set of vows together and reciting them back to each other as well. We all have unique aspirations with our married life and it’s pretty special to be able to share them with others and God.

  2. avatar Kelly reply

    I love those blue flags and all of your reasons for picking the church! We used traditional vows but we also had 3 ceremonies technically (one by friends, long story involving an expired driver’s license; civil ceremony, and a blessing in a chapel with just family and closest friends), so I guess we made our promises three times :)

  3. avatar Katie O’Keefe reply

    My dad served in the Coast Guard for 20 years as a helicopter and fixed wing pilot. I love that you are getting married at the chapel – it is so beautiful, and so special!

    We only exchanged traditional vows, but I love the non-traditional vows as well. I would perhaps have some guidelines though. For instance if we had written our own vows, mine would have been three pages long and his would have been one sentence. :-)

    Do whatever is natural for you both as a couple, this is your wedding day. Would writing your own vows end up stressing you both out, or would it be easy for you and a great meaningful, addition to the ceremony?

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Katie! That’s so neat about your dad! Mine was on ships for a bit, but for as long as I can remember, he was on the permanent teaching staff at the CGA, so both the Coast Guard AND the Academy were important parts of my life! Great question about the vows – I think it might stress both of us out a bit, but in the long run, sometimes there are things that are worth getting stressed out over, you know? If they’re the right things :)

    • avatar Katie O’Keefe reply

      Emily: Exactly, you’ve got to do what means the most to both of you – you only say these words once! I’m sure whatever you decide will be beautiful. :-)

  4. avatar Kristen reply

    Beautiful church! The ceremony is obviously the most important part, and what I was most excited about, as well.

    We wrote our own vows, but they were fairly traditional. No “I promise to scratch your back” or “I promise to laugh at all of your cheesy jokes.”

    I know it’s been done – but if John isn’t too excited about sharing very personal thoughts with the entire congregation, perhaps you can write letters to each other and read them to one another in private following the ceremony. Those precious minutes after you have walked out of the church are some of the sweetest ever, and this would only add to the happiness of that moment.

    • avatar Emily reply

      Hi Kristen! Completely agree! I definitely believe that marriage and vows are for life, and so I really want to make sure we’re promising things to each other that we can keep FOR LIFE, even if they’re more personal than the traditional ones we’ll exchange. Definitely love the note idea, and that will for sure be our backup plan if we don’t do the dual vows at the ceremony!

  5. avatar Lara reply

    Oh, how beautiful and special and meaningful! I love that you are serving communion to your guests. That is so special. Beautiful!

  6. avatar Desiree reply

    Emily!!! this is the best post by far :) I’m so excited for you. Eric and I spoke traditional vows and I very much remember the “these are the hands” poem that our pastor read to us. I.love.that.reading. Everytime I hear it (ahem…often) I think back to that day when I was so excited to look at my husband’s hands. Truth be told – I thought he had super hot hands when we were first dating and he was driving around his manual car :) Go with the surprise vows – I think it’s brilliant!! Make sure you keep copies of them and recite every year! xo

  7. avatar Emily reply

    This looks so gosh darn charming! I’m in total wedding planning mode… mine’s next June. Today I found some amazing antique glass bottles for my centerpieces!

    xoxo
    Emily
    emilyannestyle.com

  8. avatar Bri @ Posh Purpose reply

    My fiance and I are saying the traditional vows, as well. I love that they have been used for so long and for so many couples in my family and church. My fiance is also an engineer and I recently got my math degree; we aren’t really word people so we were never interested in writing our own vows. I think the set of promises is a lovely idea for others, though! It will definitely be memorable and it is always sweet to be surprised by your beau :)

  9. avatar Stephanie reply

    My husband and I shared communion with all of our guests at our wedding. We were both a little hesitant at first because of the reason you stated above but also because of how much time it could end up taking. Our minister kept encouraging us to do it so we gave in and added it to the ceremony. We are so glad we did! It is truly the most special time. You are able to have a moment with each one of your guests as you serve them. Jonathan and I still one month later (i know its not that long) talk about how that was the best decision we made! It will forever hold a very special place in our heart! I recommend it for any bride who is considering serving communion. PS during that time we had two hymns sung “Be Thou My Vision” and “Come Thou Fount”…it was perfect!

  10. avatar Emily Plans a Wedding: The Ceremony, Part II – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] back to the Emily Plans a Wedding series! Thank you so much for your thoughts on my last ceremony post – I loved reading through all of the comments! As promised, I’m back with a few more […]

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