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Tag: hints for a happy marriage

A few weeks ago, KPW and I attended a wedding of some dear friends. Recently, the flood of wedding invitations has been replaced with baby shower and kiddo birthday party invitations, and while I love this new season of life, I leap at any chance to attend a wedding celebration. I’m a sucker for the exchanging of vows and I love dancing the night away. Throw in a good Southern sweet treat or cocktail, and I might never leave. Dancing and desserts aside, I don’t take lightly the importance of participating in someone else’s first day of married life.

During this most recent ceremony, KPW leaned over and whispered, “Wanna get married again?” I nodded profusely, partially because I’d jump at any chance to marry my husband all over again (I think we’d get married on the Fourth of July and serve homemade ice cream for dessert) and partially because there is something unspeakable about the joy and magic of a wedding day that that I wish I could bottle up.

From our wedding, by Martha Manning

KPW’s musing got me thinking about recreating the enchantment of our wedding day in an every day setting. Of course, there’s your anniversary–a formal “holiday” celebrating the start of your marriage. But that only happens once a year, and Lord knows life is busy and things don’t always go as planned on set holidays (on our fourth anniversary this year, we packed our house and moved). Instead, I wanted to try to take the “magic” of our wedding day and that feeling I get every time I attend someone else’s wedding and intentionally unleash it on unexpected days throughout the year–those days when we might need a little burst of encouragement or a throwback to that joy-filled weekend in June 2012 in order to re-center and refocus our priorities. Or maybe on a day when we want to laugh, get googly eyes for one other, and remember why we started this whole journey in the first place.

The best part? The time commitment for these actions varies from three minutes to a whole (fun!) evening. I have friends who will stop and dance to their first dance song no matter where they are when they hear it (ahem, the middle of the grocery store) because they swear it transports them back to the dance floor at their reception. Recently, after a hard life/moving/work week, KPW and I curled up on the sofa, ate takeout sushi, watched our wedding video, and laughed and cried (well, I cried). These little things aren’t magic, but I do think it’s entirely possible to unleash a little of that wedding day joy more often, with a little effort!!

Kt Crabb

Friends, y’all already know of my love for all things Southern and all things marriage, having shared them on the blog from time to time (see here, here, and here). I’m excited to ramp things back up and regularly share tips, tricks, and thoughts on how to intentionally invest into your sweet marriage. I’m convinced that while the idea of “marriage advice” can be heavy at times, and marriage is definitely work, it is more than worth the conversation and investment, and I love having a place to come together to connect!

For the love of the Sweet Tea Society!
xo, KNW

kristin Written with love by Kristin
  1. avatar Emily reply

    Love these ideas so much, friend! I’m going to a wedding on Saturday and am already looking forward to the jolt of wedding day love I’m going to feel :)

  2. avatar Kelly reply

    Love these tips! :)

  3. avatar Rhiannon reply

    Happy Anniversary K Squared. Love you both dearly. Xoxo

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Hi y’all!! With all the excitement and busyness of V6, I seem to be crafting these sweet marriage hint posts in unusual locations these days. This week I collected my thoughts behind the scenes at our shoot in Chapel Hill. I got a chance to talk all things marriage with a room full of sweet girls, all of whom provided unique and precious outlooks – quite appropriate for this week’s hint.

Thus far, we have tackled hints one and two and today we are swapping shoes!! This doesn’t mean literally trying on each other’s shoes, though the thought of Kyle in my monogrammed Jack Rogers does make me giggle. We are talking about perspective. In other words, how does this situation look from your spouse’s side of the hen house?

Why is this important? Appreciating where the other person is coming from can go a long way. Whether you are trying to make date night plans, pick out a new sofa or decide where you are spending Christmas, ‘putting on your spouse’s shoes‘ gives you a chance to take a step back and open yourself to a better understanding and the opportunity to open the door to compromise.

It could be something as simple as a household chore. I am a ‘make the bed every day’ kind of gal because I feel that it helps start the day off one the right foot. If no one ever visited, Kyle would rarely make the bed because — from his point-of-view — you rumple the covers and climb in at night so why waste time making it up in the morning? After hearing my viewpoint, Kyle graciously joined team ‘make the bed every day’. [Note: I have tried to join team ‘squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube’ because KPW presented a strong position after we started sharing toothpaste. My other compromise is to buy separate tubes ;)]

I can think of a heap of other topics we have successfully navigated, both big and small, by trying on each other’s shoes. It is amazing what a dose of perspective can do for a situation. Conceding isn’t always easy or necessary, but if you swap shoes, at the very minimum you open things up to healthy conversation. And might I remind you to use your words ;)

With that, we continue on our quest to change the world one good marriage at a time, with laughter, communication and perspective under our belts. Sound off below and share what you have learned by ‘putting on your spouse’s shoes’!

PS: You can catch the intro to all 10 + 1 hints here

P.P.S. See more from this sweet engagement shoot by Dixie Pixel in our Facebook Friday feature! Dixie Pixel is a delightful member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

kristin Written with love by Kristin

Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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Good afternoon, dears! Disclaimer, this post was crafted in my pjs during the Southern Weddings slumber party this week before a fun-filled Team Shoot day. Marissa and I spent the evening giggling over her big news and chatting about how we communicate best with our spouses, which was a perfect preparation for today’s marriage hint topic. We have already tackled hint no. 1 – Making Laughter Happen – and today we are moving into a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Using Your Words.

We use words every single day and we know all too well that they have the ability to build you up when used properly and cause troubles when used ineffectively. When navigating the newlywed waters (oh heavens – when navigating any relationship), words must be used intentionally and carefully. For Kyle and I, this means a couple of different things. We try really hard to be intentional about what we say. We also try to be thoughtful, and provide constructive feedback to one another. Better yet – we try communicating purposefully, proactively, and practically. Sounds fancy, but it’s really not!

Kyle and I try very hard to purposefully communicate our affection and love for one other through a variety of channels: a simple ‘love you’ text message in the middle of the day, a note tucked in a work bag, or – my personal favorite – “I Love You” written in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror. We all need reminders, especially once our relationships move past the initial heady phase. Say it aloud, write it down, get creative. For those of you just on the doorsteps of getting married, I encourage you to put this into practice as you are making your final wedding preparations. Don’t lose sight of why you are getting married. You are getting married because you LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Remind each other regularly. Be purposeful. You too, married folks :)

The simple act of proactive communication can head off so much confusion and hurt feelings before they happen. Imagine you had a pretty rotten day at work. Instead of trudging through the house with a big sigh, a door slam, and an impolite comment, call your significant other on your way home and say, “Honey, mercy! I’ve had an awful day. I’m ready to be home, hug you, sit down, and do nothing.” This little bit of a heads-up will allow your other half to adjust and be better prepared to communicate with you when you get home. AND they might even meet you at the front door with a carton of your favorite ice cream and the takeout pizza menu :)

All photos by Erin Lindsay Images. See more from this engagement session in our Facebook Friday series!

Your spouse is not a mind reader. Being thoughtful but politely direct and practical can be a powerful tool to reduce frustration while helping to make things happen. For example, if you want help with the dishes after supper, I promise that asking for help is far more effective than letting the dishes pile up for a few days or begrudgingly washing the dishes by yourself while muttering under your breath.

Remember, the point of this list is to help you toward or encourage you in a fulfilling relationship. None of us are ever going to be perfect – these things are HARD. As y’all know, I 100% believe that good marriage can change the world and I hope you are up for the challenge. Now, go tell your favorite sweetie that you love them!!

How do you navigate the communication channels of a relationship? Have a tip to share that’s worked for you? Share your thoughts below!

P.S. Don’t miss the introduction to hints for a happy marriage!

Erin Lindsay Images is a delightful member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
  1. avatar Florida wedding inspiration- Advice on recipes, fashion, style, and events! reply

    […] beautiful engagement session you see above was captured by the talented  Erin Lindsay Images on Southern Weddings Hints for a Happy Marriage Use Your Words Post! So be sure so head on over there to see the rest of this engagement session and don’t forget […]

  2. avatar Emily reply

    Love this, Kristin! I think my best tip for communication is one I learned from my dad when I was much younger: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” If I know I’m in a foul mood or getting heated about something, instead of snapping, I try to gather my last shred of composure and say, “I think I need to be alone right now.” Not ideal, but much better than saying something I’d later regret.

    • avatar Kristin reply

      Em! I couldn’t agree more with this advice. I can be guilty of muttering just loudly enough to be heard but not loudly enough to be clear. It is is often those things that should not be said because they fall under the ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all’ category. I think that trying to be proactive and practical with my communication reduces my falling victim to unhelpful muttering…

  3. avatar Lisa reply

    I love all of these tips, but the one about proactive communication is something I had never really thought of. Such good advice!

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Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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