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Twelve years ago this coming Saturday, I went on my first “official” date with my now-husband. Our date planned for the previous week was canceled thanks to a dreadful case of strep throat on my part, which derailed our plans to go to the State Fair for ham biscuits, cotton candy, and a ride on the Ferris wheel. Little did I know that dinner at Chili’s and trip to a haunted house would lead to our forever. I wouldn’t change a thing, but before that first date, there is something I wish I had known…

Photo by Gina Zeidler

Actually, I’m fairly confident I could list out 100 different things, maybe more. But one immediately rises to the top of my list: I wish I had known that our love story would become a one-of-a-kind work of art. Not a Rembrandt or a da Vinci, but an impressionistic finger painting – one that doesn’t look like much until you take a few giant steps back so that you can see the whole picture. Each twist, turn, joy, sorrow, and celebration was just one more glob of paint necessary to create our love story masterpiece.

It’s no secret that life is messy and doesn’t always go as planned, and Kyle and I have had our fair share of “messy” over the last twelve years. Yet I’m still a hopeless romantic and a sucker for a cheesy rom-com flick, and it’s easy for me to fall victim to the belief that ‘good things’ follow a specific formula, and therefore should fall into place like a connect-the-dots game. I also think it’s easy to wish for or even actively try to create a picture that looks an awful lot like someone else’s (which is never a good idea).

For those of y’all out there in a new relationship that down the road might be a forever-kind-of love, I hope with all of my heart that you’ll grab a paint brush and get messy. Make your own priceless piece of art. All cheekiness aside, I wasted a lot less energy in the first years of our dating being overly concerned with creating a perfect picture instead of wiling embracing a messy (future) masterpiece. Four years into marriage, this concept still rings so true. [Insert lack of Pinterest-perfect home décor or holiday celebrations (God bless football games ON Thanksgiving).] Fighting for my very own masterpiece still, brown sofas included.

My number two thing I wish I had known would be that KPW is a bit of a thermostat monster (ha). I would have invested in a few more sweatshirts and perhaps a blanket for our car trips and evenings spent watching TV on the sofa ;)

I’d love to hear what ONE thing (although I know there are many) you wish you would have known before you went on your first date with your forever plus one? I’m sure we can all learn a lot from one another. Leave a comment below!

PS: This sweet little corner of the Southern Weddings blog is a place where I get to chat all things marriage. I would love to hear from y’all. What topics to you want to discuss? Any questions or things you would love a different perspective on?  Don’t be shy. Send me an email: [email protected]  or leave a comment below.

kristin Written with love by Kristin
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Over the weekend, KPW and I were visiting his family in North Carolina. We spent Saturday afternoon cleaning out his old desk drawers, which were overflowing with college notebooks and more than a few sports magazines. The prized find in between his Poli-Sci notes and the 1993 ACC Tournament Guide was his Communication 120 spiral notebook. The particular notebook is extra special because it is from the fateful class where we met a dozen years ago. While flipping through the notebook, we uncovered tic-tac-toe scribbles on the back of class notes (don’t tell my mama and daddy I was too busy flirting with the cute boy who was sitting behind me to pay attention), as well as KPW’s fall exam schedule, written in very distinctive handwriting (ahem, mine) at the back of his book.

This got me thinking about the digital age and the power of the written word. Most people I know exist in a world full of email, text messages, and an ever-growing list of social media channels. In this digital age, writing things down can feel a little awkward and potentially unnecessary. However, I feel it’s incredibly necessary and something we should intentionally work to do on a somewhat regular basis. In my humble opinion, there is something wildly entertaining (and a bit romantic) about pulling out a pen and paper to capture life memories in your unique handwriting.

From our engagement session with Martha Manning

While I’m a known lover of exchanging handwritten cards for all the holidays, for me, picking up a cute card is far easier than documenting memories. While I love the idea of writing things down, I’m not the best “journaler,” so I need prompts. If you can relate, here are some of my favorite resources to help capture your married life memories and give you the chance to put pen to paper:

1. Christmas Memories Book: My MIL gave this to us right before our first Christmas. I may or may not have squealed out loud because I had my eye one for ages, ever since I spotted a family friend’s set of Christmas journals when I visited their house during the holidays. We keep ours packed away with our Christmas decorations and pull it out the weekend after Thanksgiving to fill out for the current year.

2. Wedding Day Journal: This little SW journal is one of my most prized possessions. It was created after a few conversations when I insisted that everyone should complete the SW Real Wedding interview. Even if you’ve been married for a few years, I think this little journal is a great way to capture memories and re-remember your wedding day.

3. Blank Journal: For anyone a little more comfortable with free writing, I think having a gorgeous leather journal and a time on the calendar a few times a year blocked out to capture family memories is brilliant idea. I especially encourage you to take it on vacation to document adventures and other memories! We kept a travel journal from our first anniversary trip and I love re-reading those small memories (closing down the Turkish restaurant around the corner from our hotel on our second night in London) that we might have otherwise forgotten about!

4. The Life Handbook: This little book is perfect for collecting stories and life advice, and a great way to connect during holidays, rainy weekends, or when extended family is visiting. I am also a big fan of taking this on long road trips to help pass the time and scribble down fun memories.

After twelve years of dating, KPW and I have exchanged our fair share of notes and cards–and I’m not the only SW gal who has dated her husband long distance at some point. Taking the time to walk down memory lane and remember funny, sweet, or silly things you shared can be powerful. This can happen on a specific holiday (like a birthday or anniversary), or on a random Saturday afternoon in August ;) Having a pretty box that you can keep out in your bedroom or living room is way better than keeping these special items tucked in the back of a closet or under a bed! There are tons of options out there, but these gold foil boxes are my personal favorite.

I love being able to go back and open up these books and boxes, add to them, and continue to capture our life as it flies by year after year. What a sweet legacy to leave for our future family! Let me know if you have used any of these resources or have found another fun way to capture your memories!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
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Who says you can’t eat ice cream for dinner?

Or stop and have a random dance party while making supper?

Not I! Pet names, tickles fights, and goofy sing-alongs are also encouraged in my world. After all, one of the biggest privileges of adulthood is the ability to tiptoe back to childhood at the drop of a hat. Life as a grown-up can get serious, and sometimes a jump back into the joy and simplicity of youth is just what the doctor ordered. Y’all, I think I saved the best hint for last. Think of this as the cherry on top of the “helpful hints sundae” — it’s time to Be Silly.

Be silly” essentially means be yourself without worrying about what others might think — because at our core, we’re all a little silly, right? Let your hair down and have a little fun! While I don’t have pipes like Carrie or Mariah, I don’t hesitate to belt out a power ballad while cleaning the house or making supper. My husband, meanwhile, seems pretty quiet and reserved, but don’t let that fool you — he has his own knack for making up silly songs and singing them to me on road trips or while folding the laundry.

I love laughing with Kyle. I love making a batch of cookies at 10 o’clock just because we can. I love going on mini adventures. As children, this might have looked like creek stomping in the backyard. As adults, it might mean a day trip to an area mountain trail for a hike. Being silly isn’t really about being funny, though I guarantee at some point you’ll probably be breathless from laughing. No, it’s about being transparent and vulnerable with your spouse. The day-to-day expectations of life can be exhausting. I think it is important to be intentional about making sure that things don’t tip too far on the serious scale, and that you’re never too caught up in the go-go-go of life to take a little detour down the trail of spontaneity. Surprise each other!

So the next time it rains, consider whether it’s the perfect time to go jump in some mud puddles. Or maybe it’s the perfect night to put away the chicken, pull out the Blue Bell and have sundaes for supper. Or to crank up the tunes and have a karaoke sing-off as you clean the table.

This playfulness doesn’t have to just happen behind closed doors. Go play miniature golf instead of your standard dinner and movie date night. Explore the toy aisle at Target, pick out your favorite board game, and invite some friends over to play. Take a cue from The Bachelor (Emily, Lisa, and I are all huge fans) and go fly a kite.

I’d love to hear: What other ways do you have fun and be silly with your significant other? Share them below!

For now, we’ve reached the end of my hints for a happy marriage. I hope that y’all have enjoyed this as much as we have (yes, we – because my dear husband was consulted on each and every post, since I was sharing hints from our very own marriage). Kyle and I are by no means perfect, but we do think that there is value in protecting and cultivating our marriage and having a little fun while doing so. We laugh, we go on dates, we take vacations and we fight (fair). We talk, we try to be present and create space, and we share meals and perspective. And we care – a lot.

These hints are not a one-size fits all proposition, but a gentle reminder that after your big day, there is work still to do: after all, good, strong marriages can change the world!

Sweet engagement session by Blue Ribbon Vendor Graham Terhune — see the rest in Facebook Friday!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
3 Comments
  1. avatar Rachel reply

    Couldn’t agree more! I thank God all the time for giving me a husband who makes me laugh and isn’t afraid to be silly :) Hooray for a happy, fun marriage!

  2. avatar Anastasia Arrigo reply

    Very nice pictures, looks very naturally, I like it very much.

  3. avatar Southern Weddings Weekly Round-Up – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] tickled pink to introduce the newest member of the Southern Weddings family! Kristin shared the eleventh (and final) hint in her Hints for a Happy Marriage series–it might be our favorite one. We love our Blue […]

Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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