Good afternoon, dears! Disclaimer, this post was crafted in my pjs during the Southern Weddings slumber party this week before a fun-filled Team Shoot day. Marissa and I spent the evening giggling over her big news and chatting about how we communicate best with our spouses, which was a perfect preparation for today’s marriage hint topic. We have already tackled hint no. 1 – Making Laughter Happen – and today we are moving into a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Using Your Words.
We use words every single day and we know all too well that they have the ability to build you up when used properly and cause troubles when used ineffectively. When navigating the newlywed waters (oh heavens – when navigating any relationship), words must be used intentionally and carefully. For Kyle and I, this means a couple of different things. We try really hard to be intentional about what we say. We also try to be thoughtful, and provide constructive feedback to one another. Better yet – we try communicating purposefully, proactively, and practically. Sounds fancy, but it’s really not!
Kyle and I try very hard to purposefully communicate our affection and love for one other through a variety of channels: a simple ‘love you’ text message in the middle of the day, a note tucked in a work bag, or – my personal favorite – “I Love You” written in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror. We all need reminders, especially once our relationships move past the initial heady phase. Say it aloud, write it down, get creative. For those of you just on the doorsteps of getting married, I encourage you to put this into practice as you are making your final wedding preparations. Don’t lose sight of why you are getting married. You are getting married because you LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Remind each other regularly. Be purposeful. You too, married folks :)
The simple act of proactive communication can head off so much confusion and hurt feelings before they happen. Imagine you had a pretty rotten day at work. Instead of trudging through the house with a big sigh, a door slam, and an impolite comment, call your significant other on your way home and say, “Honey, mercy! I’ve had an awful day. I’m ready to be home, hug you, sit down, and do nothing.” This little bit of a heads-up will allow your other half to adjust and be better prepared to communicate with you when you get home. AND they might even meet you at the front door with a carton of your favorite ice cream and the takeout pizza menu :)
All photos by Erin Lindsay Images. See more from this engagement session in our Facebook Friday series!
Your spouse is not a mind reader. Being thoughtful but politely direct and practical can be a powerful tool to reduce frustration while helping to make things happen. For example, if you want help with the dishes after supper, I promise that asking for help is far more effective than letting the dishes pile up for a few days or begrudgingly washing the dishes by yourself while muttering under your breath.
Remember, the point of this list is to help you toward or encourage you in a fulfilling relationship. None of us are ever going to be perfect – these things are HARD. As y’all know, I 100% believe that good marriage can change the world and I hope you are up for the challenge. Now, go tell your favorite sweetie that you love them!!
How do you navigate the communication channels of a relationship? Have a tip to share that’s worked for you? Share your thoughts below!
P.S. Don’t miss the introduction to hints for a happy marriage!
Erin Lindsay Images is a delightful member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!
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Love this, Kristin! I think my best tip for communication is one I learned from my dad when I was much younger: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” If I know I’m in a foul mood or getting heated about something, instead of snapping, I try to gather my last shred of composure and say, “I think I need to be alone right now.” Not ideal, but much better than saying something I’d later regret.
Em! I couldn’t agree more with this advice. I can be guilty of muttering just loudly enough to be heard but not loudly enough to be clear. It is is often those things that should not be said because they fall under the ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all’ category. I think that trying to be proactive and practical with my communication reduces my falling victim to unhelpful muttering…
I love all of these tips, but the one about proactive communication is something I had never really thought of. Such good advice!
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