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Not a post title you ever thought you’d see on Southern Weddings, eh? :) If so, you’re right — we purposefully avoid the word “perfect,” because it’s pretty much the last thing we want you to strive for on your wedding day. Joyful, meaningful, emotional? Yes, yes, and yes. Perfect? No.

However — I truly believe that if you do just a few things on the day you say “I do,” you WILL have a perfect wedding, no matter what else happens or who says what or what your flowers looked like. Better yet, these things are all free. They may not be the normal wedding checklist items, but if you can do them all, I believe your wedding day will be joyful, meaningful, and — yes — perfect. Here goes!

From Jen + Alan’s wedding, by Michelle March

Write each other wedding morning letters. You know that phrase, “how you start the day determines the day”? It definitely holds true on your wedding day! Starting with the sweet, grateful, reflective act of writing a letter to your fiance will put you in the perfect frame of mind for all that’s to come. Use your letter to share the things you love most about your future husband and the life you’re about to begin together, then exchange them at your first look or via your bridal party.

Vow something true to each other. Whether you choose to share personal promises or the traditional vows, make sure that the words you say to each other at your ceremony are deeply meaningful to you. Make your promises ones that you can actually keep (with grace and hard work!), not just things that sound good in the moment. Your wedding vows are what you will return to over and over in your marriage as a marker of the highest ideals for your relationship, so if you can make them real and true and heartfelt, the most important part of your wedding day will be a success.

Honor your most beloved people. One of the beautiful parts of a wedding is that it’s the best excuse to gather all of your loved ones in the same place — and then to honor them! If you spend the day loving on these people — telling them how much they mean to you, unveiling special surprises for them, handing them letters you’ve written, and inviting them into special moments — I guarantee you will end the day feeling filled with gratitude.

Stay together. With all those beloved people around, it’s tempting to get pulled in a million different directions to chat with and hug as many guests as you can. But if you can, stay by each other’s side as much as possible (holding hands is an effective way to do this!). That way, you’ll experience the day together, and as funny as it sounds, your memories of this most important day in your life will match. It will only sweeten the day for you, and will sweeten storytelling about your wedding for years to come!

Take a step back. Finally, we ask each of our real wedding couples for their best wedding advice, and this is the piece that comes up over and over again: at some point during your reception, step away from the party with your new husband and take in the scene. Imprint the view of all the people you love most laughing, talking, dancing, and enjoying each other and the celebration you’ve put together. It’s a mental picture that will make your heart swell for years, I promise, and it’s another perfect moment to let what happened that day wash over you and sink in.

emily Written with love by Emily
1 Comment
  1. avatar Skylar Caitlin reply

    there are not enough heart eyes + praise emojis to express how much I love this! As always, you ladies have done a fantastic job at putting the focus back on the marriage. Another tip I would add goes with your step back + staying together tips. As a planner, I encourage couples to include a 10-15 minute “break” after the vows before they join the party to be together alone. We sometimes set up a small room with a plate of appetizers + glasses of the couple’s favorite drink + let them just be. I even had a couple once that scheduled a private dinner while everyone else went through the buffet. It was candlelit + even decorated by their florist. It’s also a great way to make sure you get something to eat – which can sometimes get forgotten in all the hubbub!

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Who says you can’t eat ice cream for dinner?

Or stop and have a random dance party while making supper?

Not I! Pet names, tickles fights, and goofy sing-alongs are also encouraged in my world. After all, one of the biggest privileges of adulthood is the ability to tiptoe back to childhood at the drop of a hat. Life as a grown-up can get serious, and sometimes a jump back into the joy and simplicity of youth is just what the doctor ordered. Y’all, I think I saved the best hint for last. Think of this as the cherry on top of the “helpful hints sundae” — it’s time to Be Silly.

Be silly” essentially means be yourself without worrying about what others might think — because at our core, we’re all a little silly, right? Let your hair down and have a little fun! While I don’t have pipes like Carrie or Mariah, I don’t hesitate to belt out a power ballad while cleaning the house or making supper. My husband, meanwhile, seems pretty quiet and reserved, but don’t let that fool you — he has his own knack for making up silly songs and singing them to me on road trips or while folding the laundry.

I love laughing with Kyle. I love making a batch of cookies at 10 o’clock just because we can. I love going on mini adventures. As children, this might have looked like creek stomping in the backyard. As adults, it might mean a day trip to an area mountain trail for a hike. Being silly isn’t really about being funny, though I guarantee at some point you’ll probably be breathless from laughing. No, it’s about being transparent and vulnerable with your spouse. The day-to-day expectations of life can be exhausting. I think it is important to be intentional about making sure that things don’t tip too far on the serious scale, and that you’re never too caught up in the go-go-go of life to take a little detour down the trail of spontaneity. Surprise each other!

So the next time it rains, consider whether it’s the perfect time to go jump in some mud puddles. Or maybe it’s the perfect night to put away the chicken, pull out the Blue Bell and have sundaes for supper. Or to crank up the tunes and have a karaoke sing-off as you clean the table.

This playfulness doesn’t have to just happen behind closed doors. Go play miniature golf instead of your standard dinner and movie date night. Explore the toy aisle at Target, pick out your favorite board game, and invite some friends over to play. Take a cue from The Bachelor (Emily, Lisa, and I are all huge fans) and go fly a kite.

I’d love to hear: What other ways do you have fun and be silly with your significant other? Share them below!

For now, we’ve reached the end of my hints for a happy marriage. I hope that y’all have enjoyed this as much as we have (yes, we – because my dear husband was consulted on each and every post, since I was sharing hints from our very own marriage). Kyle and I are by no means perfect, but we do think that there is value in protecting and cultivating our marriage and having a little fun while doing so. We laugh, we go on dates, we take vacations and we fight (fair). We talk, we try to be present and create space, and we share meals and perspective. And we care – a lot.

These hints are not a one-size fits all proposition, but a gentle reminder that after your big day, there is work still to do: after all, good, strong marriages can change the world!

Sweet engagement session by Blue Ribbon Vendor Graham Terhune — see the rest in Facebook Friday!

kristin Written with love by Kristin
3 Comments
  1. avatar Rachel reply

    Couldn’t agree more! I thank God all the time for giving me a husband who makes me laugh and isn’t afraid to be silly :) Hooray for a happy, fun marriage!

  2. avatar Anastasia Arrigo reply

    Very nice pictures, looks very naturally, I like it very much.

  3. avatar Southern Weddings Weekly Round-Up – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] tickled pink to introduce the newest member of the Southern Weddings family! Kristin shared the eleventh (and final) hint in her Hints for a Happy Marriage series–it might be our favorite one. We love our Blue […]

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I am on a mission to make sure that the traditional family dinner doesn’t become a thing of the past. Why? Because I believe that eating dinner together (or any meal, for that matter – but we’ll get to that in a minute!) is a fundamental part of building and maintaining a relationship.

My and Kyle’s first date was to Chili’s, where we got to know each other over buffalo chicken sandwiches and sweet tea. Our get-to-know-you’s have continued over thousands of meals over the last ten years. After dating long distance for nearly six years, being able to sit down at the dinner table together on a random Tuesday night has been one of our favorite parts of married life. Because I want to share the dining love, it’s also our tenth hint for a happy marriage: Eat Dinner Together!

Conversations shared over plates of lasagna, without distractions, are my favorite.

I love to cook and Kyle loves to eat. This arrangement works out great for us. However, I happen to know that John does the cooking in the Thomas household. No matter who cooks — takeout is also an option! — the goal is sitting down at the dinner table to share a meal and conversation.

For us, it takes planning and sacrifice – I spend time meal planning and grocery shopping on Sundays, and of course cook meals during the week. Kyle is my sous chef when needed, and he also sets the table and helps clean up after supper. So yes, there’s time involved, but the reward is connectivity and an investment in our relationship (in addition to a tasty meal). We’ve figured out a plan that works for us and allows us to sit down at our table and eat together as many nights a week as we can.

Why do we make this a priority? We view dinner as an important time to engage and communicate. It’s where we talk through issues from the day so they don’t fester and come out in other, non-constructive ways (i.e., tell your spouse you had a bad day and why, rather than taking it out on them unannounced later). We talk about our days, our plans, our hopes and our dreams. Yes, really! Dinner conversations can get deep! We also tell stories and laugh — and occasionally, we sit at the table long after we’ve finished eating, not able to stop talking through this or that.

Sound incompatible with your current reality or schedule? Here’s the trick – figure out what works for you and your sig-o. I have a sweet friend that gets up early a few days a week to have breakfast with her husband because he travels. We actually live in a small town and Kyle comes home for lunch a few days a week because he has work conflicts in the evenings during football and basketball season. Whatever works – there’s nothing magical about the dinner hour, the magic is sitting down together with no other interruptions.

The great news is that this hint works for all relationships. I followed the same rules with my roommate and would love to have regular dinners with my parents if they lived closer. There’s just something so valuable about breaking bread and sharing conversation.

Schedules get crowded. Evenings get busy. But I promise the sacrifice is worth it. It might not happen every night, but making it a priority is important. I’d love to hear your tips for sharing meals together. Do you have great recipes to share? How do you protect your schedule so that you can eat a meal together?

Sweet engagement photos by Paige Jones, one of our delightful Blue Ribbon Vendors! See more on Facebook Friday!

P.S. New to the whole cooking thing and looking for some suggestions? Currently Kyle’s favorite suppers are crockpot lasagna and chicken squares with roasted Brussels sprouts.

kristin Written with love by Kristin
5 Comments
  1. avatar Emily reply

    I love this post! John and I eat dinner together every night, and it’s one of my favorite things! We’re always looking for new recipes, so I keep two separate Pinterest boards, one for recipes we’ve tried and loved, and one for recipes we want to try. If others are looking for suggestions, you can find them in my profile! http://www.pinterest.com/emformarvelous/ We also have tried lots of good ones from The Newlywed Cookbook by Chronicle Books!

  2. avatar Nicole reply

    I SO agree with this! The wonderful thing is that growing up, my parents were huge fighters for family dinners, which makes it a priority for me now. Taylor works a lot of nights, too, which is why one of our resolutions was to thoroughly plan our dinner dates so we could spend more time talking and less time deciding what to do.

  3. avatar Links I’m Loving | Jenn for JOY reply

    […] the wedding, I just love the “Hints for a Happy Marriage” series on Southern Weddings. This post on eating dinner together reminded me just how important it is for Paul and I to find time to eat together each week. Right […]

  4. avatar jenn reply

    I couldn’t agree more. Nothing better than sharing a meal. I have so many great family memories over meal times, I hope to give my future children the same… and I’m starting out by having with dinner with my new husband as much as we can. We also try to do breakfast. Even me getting up early to send him out the door with coffee and a breakfast bar helps us share some extra time together.

  5. avatar Southern Newlywed: In the Kitchen with Kristin Winchester + a Giveaway! – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] the week, as well as the ability to detour when something unexpected happens. It also helps protect regular meals at the table, which are incredibly important to […]

Southern Weddings reserves the right to delete comments which contain profanity or personal attacks or seek to promote a business unrelated to the post.  And remember: a good attitude is like kudzu – it spreads.  We love hearing your kind thoughts!

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