One thing I love about life beneath the Mason-Dixon Line is how supportive Southerners are of military families. Growing up in one myself, I know military life presents its own unique, but extraordinary, set of experiences–and sometimes challenges. A period of deployment is one of them. We’re thrilled to have one of our readers, Suiter, here today sharing the tips that helped her get through her husband’s six-month deployment on a Navy submarine. Even if you will never experience her exact situation, we think her tips are relevant for anyone with a spouse who travels for work or perhaps simply works long hours at a demanding job. Take it away, Suiter!
1. Begin deployment with goals. Physically write these down and put them somewhere you can see them daily. I decided to set a goal to run my first half marathon. A friend and I signed up before deployment and spent many months training for this goal.
2. Celebrate even the smallest milestones. Sundays were always the toughest days for me. They are usually spent with my husband relaxing, going to church, and/or cleaning the house. So I made sure to celebrate each little milestone by creating a new countdown or celebrating with other wives.
3. Let the dog sleep in the bed. At first I was adamant about not letting this happen, but he became a constant companion during this time, and I was very grateful for him.
4. Don’t go to the grocery store on Saturday nights. One Saturday I geared up to go to the store… only to find myself surrounded by happy couples. I quickly decided morning shopping worked better for me.
5. Make plans. At least once a month I would go somewhere and do something. This would always give me something to look forward to, which I truly appreciated.
6. Communicate expectations. My husband and I talked about expectations prior to deployment. For example, we decided to email daily, but I was fully aware that when they were on mission I would not hear from him. We pre-wrote many love letters to feel connected. I opened a letter a week from him for 26 weeks!
7. Allow for technical difficulties and account for time changes. We tended to forget about time changes, meaning our communication plans did not always unfold exactly as expected. We learned to be patient with each other and mindful of our schedules.
8. Say yes. If a friend asks you to go to dinner, say yes. If someone suggests you come visit them, say yes. It was helpful for me to force myself to make plans instead of sulking.
Thank you so much, Suiter, for your family’s service and these great tips! Military gals, feel free to comment with any other helpful ideas that got you through a deployment!
All photos from Suiter and Ben’s Homecoming by Vanessa Hicks Photography
Great ideas ! thx for advice !
While it is important to say yes and make plans so you’re not sulking, don’t feel pressured to literally always say yes. If you want to stay home and binge on Netflix, do it. Just don’t do it all the time. It’s important to make time for yourself!
Great advice! I completely agree with every tip on this list, especially #1 and #8. It’s important to continue growing and improving yourself, use this time to meet personal goals. I’m learning calligraphy (something my fiancé isn’t too interested in!) and ALWAYS say yes to dinner plans with friends! I feel SO much better after dinner with girlfriends that offer encouragement and remind me of their support. #4 made me laugh, it’s happened to me before and I agree. Save the grocery shopping for early mornings ;) My fiancé is gone for the next year and I’m focusing on strengthening friendships and spending more time with my family before our wedding next year. Thanks Suiter for the reminders and for you and your husband’s service!
These are all great tips! Patience is certainly key. As mentioned, having regular communication can become challenging with time differences and lack of access to Internet. Being patient during those times of inconsistency is important. When my husband is deployed I find it helpful to write him daily letters. Those letters allow him to still be part of what is going on back home. He gets to know even about the small details of my day, which we tend to forget 6 months later.
I’m going through my first deployment as a spouse right now (after having grown up as an military brat) so I’m soaking up any and all hints haha.
I find keeping busy to be key. Same with keeping up a routine, eg. Every Thursday I religiously head to the post office to send him a package.
A big thing for us has been to make plans for his return. This was hard for me initially, as I lost my dad to a military accident, so changing my mindset enough to believe he will come home has been a challenge. However, planning holidays, concerts and (secretly) our wedding has kept us both positive, looking forward, & is a cheerful conversation starter to fall back on during phone calls.
Another tip is to start writing a little list of jobs (that only he can do) about a month before he returns – this will help him to find his place back in the home a little easier.
Love all of these suggestions, Candice! Thank you so much for sharing, and for your family’s service!!
Love this post! My husband is due to return from his fifth deployment in just three weeks, I can’t wait! This deployment has been a bit more difficult as our little girls are old enough to understand that their Daddy is away. Many mamas do countdowns for their little ones but I don’t ours until about a month before his return so as not to overwhelm them. And I definitely let our little pup in the bed:)
[…] off, Vanessa Hicks Photography was featured on Southern Weddings! One of my gorgeous clients, Suiter, did a wonderful article about tips to surviving deployment! I […]