Google+ Confessions of a Young Married Couple: My Wedding Registry Changed My Life - Southern Weddings

Southern Weddings

And now, without further ado… Katie Brown, Southern Weddings’ own Relationship Expert!  Be sure to check out our introductory post here, her own blog here and, oh yeah, her 2010 Bloggies Best Weblog of the Year nomination here!  (She’s kind of a big deal.)

In the summer of 2005, after six years of dating, I married my high school sweetheart.   A month after that, we crammed our separate lives into one giant U-Haul and moved away from our families and the homes we had always known in Florida to start a new adventure in Connecticut, where Chris would be starting graduate school in the fall.  We were alone and on our own and loving every minute of it. 

And then I woke up a week later and thought, “What the hell have I done?”

When Chris and I got engaged, I thought a really fun activity for us to share would be the registry.  I mean, is there anything better than shopping for your new life with your new fiancé?  I think not.  Or rather, I thought not.  Since Chris and I were sophomores in high school, I had dreamed of our life together.  And that life included gingham placemats with accenting plaid and striped seat cushions in our country-style eat-in kitchen.  That life included a living room couch with a country rose floral pattern (complimenting, of course, the seat cushions and placemats in the kitchen…). 

That life did not include Homer Simpson beer mugs and contemporary chrome toaster ovens.  That life did not include steel gray bedspreads and a collection of shot glasses from places like The No Name Bar in the Florida Keys or the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas. 

So imagine my surprise when we walked into Macy’s to register, and Chris immediately points and shoots our fun little scanner gun at a set of Star Wars cookie jars.  I was so stunned that I couldn’t even respond.  I just stood there, mouth gaping open, as my soon-to-be husband singlehandedly took my country rose and gingham dreams and pureed them to a chunky pulp in his industrial Black & Decker blender.  

I wanted to scream.  I wanted to punch him in the face.  I wanted to yell out in agony, “What are you DOING?! We can’t have black and chrome appliances in a yellow and pink kitchen!  WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!”  But all I could do was stand speechless in horror next to the eighty-year-old Macy’s Bridal Consultant who kept patting me on the shoulder and giving me sympathetic smiles.  This was our first big act as an engaged couple, and I didn’t want to start nagging and bossing him around already.  (I was told that came later.)  I wanted Chris to be involved.  I wanted our home to be comfortable for him, too.  It’s just…well…why couldn’t he be comfortable on a soft-blue paisley duvet cover and Egyptian cotton sheets? 

After about half an hour of thin-lipped arguments and teeth-clinched phrases like, “Not in front of the Macy’s consultant, Sweetie…” we ended up erasing everything from our registry and leaving the store with nothing accomplished.  We went back a couple weeks (and many, many pro and con conversations about toile) later and we registered.  Together.  Like adults.  And I only threatened to leave him twice and to kill him once.  I consider that to be an extreme accomplishment given the circumstances. 

When we were married almost a year later, I remember thinking that at least the worst was behind us.  At least we would never have to register again.  And then four years later, I got pregnant and we almost got a divorce in the Babies R Us aisle as we worked on our baby registry.

The fun never ends, kids. 

Five years of marriage, three moves, two graduate degrees, more dinner parties than I can count, one baby, one mortgage, and two dogs later, I can confidently tell you that marriage – like wedding registries – is a game of compromise.  Some of those compromises are easy and some of them are hard.  Some are made with love in your heart and some are made in anger.  But it always comes down to a compromise. 

My name is Katie Brown.  I’m a young, married new mom.  I don’t know a lot of things for certain about relationships, but I do know this:  My marriage – for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad – is the foundation for everything in my life.  And I know that a good, healthy foundation doesn’t just happen.  It takes work every single day.  Some days its fun.  Some days it’s really tough.  Some days I want to kill him.  And some days I want to rip his clothes off.  But every single day, I want to work to make my marriage better and stronger. 

I’m so happy to be joining the Southern Weddings family as a relationship expert, but I hope that this little column is more than just advice.  I hope it’s a place where we can learn about our relationships and where we can grow together.  Because whether you’re about to be married, are recently married, or have been married for five or fifty years, if you’re not growing then you’re not working hard enough. 

So, in this inaugural introduction, I’d like to close by imparting my infinite marital wisdom on you all.  Go get a pen.  You’ll want to write this down. 

(Ahem.)

Star Wars cookie jars sometimes “break” in the dishwasher. 

There.  I have spoken. 

We’ll be back with more from Katie next month.  Until then, be sure to keep up with her, her hubby and their adorable Baby Bean on Confessions of a Young Married Couple!

lara Written with love by Lara Casey
35 Comments
  1. avatar Ashley reply

    LOVE IT. Been married two and a half years and totally agree…things also "get lost in the move"…and "don’t you want to help all the Haitian people by donating 10 or 20 or so of your t-shirts that you have had since high school since you now have a big boy job and won’t EVER WEAR THEM AGAIN??!!??!"

  2. avatar Amanda reply

    I’m so excited someone "gets" me! And we’ve never met! Looking forward to reading much more ! Maybe some articles on how to get through planning your wedding without skipping straight to the divorce. Guys just don’t understand why you can’t eat off of plastic silverware in a historic ballroom. They’re all "whats the difference – it saves money.." We haven’t registered yet. But I can tell you that his personal bedroom contains; 3 stolen road signs, a pair of water skiis, 2 sleeping bags and a comforter on his bed – blue, green, and white with a farm scene respectively, a desk that’s missing 2 drawers, a led zeppelin flag, and 4 radio station promo stickers on the mirror. Look out.

  3. avatar Tami Stafford reply

    LOVE this post!! So true & such great advice!littlemisssouthern.blogspot.com

  4. avatar tessabella76 reply

    Awesome first post! Love it!!!

  5. avatar Bridget reply

    Katie! So excited to see you here. I’m curious. In the wedding pictures you posted, your hair is different in the picture on the left than it is on the picture on the right? Was the one on the left trial hair?I have been with my boyfriend of eight years since my senior year of high school in 2002. He keeps trying to cram more computers into our tiny bedroom. I think I may just take it to the garbage, and then wonder out loud where it went.

  6. avatar Lauren @ Every Last Detail reply

    Welcome Katie! I love this! I love that you say the things that not everyone says. I had always heard that marriage was like ponies and butterflies, "so wonderful, and oh we NEVER fight." Ha. I too married my high school sweetheart, and I think it’s a different type of relationship than what other couples have. You’ve grown up together, you know secrets, you know how the other person was an awkward, know-it-all teenager, among many, many other things. I’m excited to see what else you have to share with us! :)

  7. avatar Tracey Whitten reply

    I love that post!, my registry was equally as.. ahem….eye-opening. We are now the proud owners of a LIME green le creuset tea kettle (which he fough me tooth and nail for). Go figure.

  8. avatar Jennifer reply

    Great post! I love it as always. We are going to register for our wedding at the first of March, Lord give me strength because Katie has already warned me. Thanks!

  9. avatar Elise reply

    This is the best post I have read in a very long time. It’s so easy to get bogged down in posts about invitation suites, but it’s really refreshing to actually read about the thing that make us jump through all the crazy hoops associated with planning a wedding in the first place – the relationship. I’m so excited that Katie is joining the team at Southern Weddings, and I can’t wait to read more!

  10. avatar SouthernBelleJM reply

    LOVE IT;)

  11. avatar Southern Weddings reply

    We totally agree, Elise!! And that’s exactly why we’re so happy to have Katie joining our ranks :)

  12. avatar Christina S. reply

    Love the new segment! Looking forward to more!

  13. avatar Amanda reply

    Cannot wait to read more of Katie’s witty humor and honest charm. What a great addition to this website!

  14. avatar Kaci reply

    You are exactly right! We got in a huge fight right there in Dillards. :) I read your blog just about everyday and love it! I"m excited to start reading this too.

  15. avatar Tammy reply

    From one ginger to another, I love the post, love the blog, love the honesty. Awe.some!

  16. avatar Ashley reply

    So good to see you on here, Katie! :) I love your blog and it will be wonderful to see you on SW as well!

  17. avatar Wedding Times reply

    Welcome, look forward to reading more from you.

  18. avatar Rachel reply

    Love it awesome read. P.s I know someone who put a iPod on their wedding list a iPod! As if!!

  19. avatar Lara reply

    Yay! I love it. One of the best lessons I learned from my mom was that sometimes things get "lost" – devastating as that may be!

  20. avatar Kelly reply

    Oh so true….but humor makes everything easier to deal with.

  21. avatar Kimberly Loomis reply

    So fun to read you on here! See? You’re a rebel writer for sure!

  22. avatar Kirsten reply

    I am so excited to follow this!

  23. avatar Holly reply

    This story is hilarious! I look forward to reading many more. I sent it to my fiance because we just had a similar registry experience. And I thought it was going to be so much fun…

  24. avatar Sandy reply

    Congratulations Katie…I can certainly see why they chose you to write this column. If anyone can make you laugh at marriage it is certainly you…and we all know, if you can’t laugh, you will just cry, and that only leaves you with puffy eyes and a runny nose! Can’t wait to read more…

  25. avatar Jillian reply

    Haha, I love this post! My fiance and I have very different decorating styles– his "modern" and mine more "traditional"–so I can certainly relate. Whereas I dream about gorgeous dark cherry woods, he likes….ugh….glass. I think I have almost convinced him that we can do traditional with modern accents and it will be a nice mixture :) However, I did have to stipulate that if we ever get a beach house….that’s all him! It’s all about the compromises!

  26. avatar Sarah Hash reply

    I’ve come to offer support and a familiar "face." As I also got married in the summer of 2005, I enjoy "hearing" your stories about situations and remembering our life as well :) When I first went to register I had the crazy thought that I could do it in one day……and I almost passed out. I may or may not have had 1 of only 2 panic attacks in my life. Yep. Classy. I ended up trading my heels for slippers, leaving Macy’s and going out to dinner and ordering a large drink!

  27. avatar Jess reply

    First, Congrats Katie! This new endeavor is so perfect for you. Secondly, I also viewed the registering process as the pending highlight of my life only to realize my fiance was a whiney baby who couldn’t devote an hour to our blessed life together without stomping his feet and cry-babying about being hungry. Needless to say I did our whole registry by myself from our home computer and we were both happier for it!

  28. avatar Mrs. D reply

    Great first post! Can’t wait to hear more.

  29. avatar AlaskaTeacher reply

    Love it!!!! The registry is only a harbinger of things to come. :)

  30. avatar Brooke reply

    I could not agree more with your comments on the registry. We just registered for our May wedding and there is a chocolate fountaind on the registry……..needless to say compromise and alot of deep breaths! By the way I love your blog and have been following it for some time, does that sound creepy ;)

  31. avatar Stephanie Osborne reply

    I love this… so true! I think everyone goes into marriage thinking it will be cake but it does need attention and commitment. This post is wonderful (and so are you!)

  32. avatar Tracie reply

    Great post. We are going through the fun baby registry experience as I speak. All we can hope is family and friends go off the list. lol

  33. avatar Elizabeth Nichols reply

    Selecting items for a wedding registry can sure be eye-opening. My "husband-to-be" had to be educated on the importance of the perfect china pattern, thread count and glass vs. plastic. Even though I thought we'd run in, complete the registry in less than 2 hours and ended being there for 5 hours, it was very memorable.

  34. avatar Marriage Confessions: On New Year’s Resolutions « Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] all things Katie? Past columns for Southern Weddings: Change is the Name of the (Newlywed) Game My Wedding Registry Changed My Life Working it Out With the In-Laws Managing Your Money Come on Baby, Light My Fire On Moving All […]

  35. avatar Marriage Confessions: I Believe in Valentine's Day – Southern Weddings Magazine reply

    […] Check out her past columns for Southern Weddings: Change is the Name of the (Newlywed) Game My Wedding Registry Changed My Life Working it Out With the In-Laws Managing Your Money Come on Baby, Light My Fire On Moving All […]

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