December 2009 - Page 23 of 24 - Southern Weddings

Monthly Archives: December 2009

Real Texas Wedding: Annie + Sam, Part I

by Lara Casey in Real Southern Weddings on December 2, 2009

What do we love about this Texas wedding at the Fort Bend Community Church? Color, color and more color! Fuschia frocks from Eden Bridals, blooming bouquets and bouts from Special Arrangements, jewel-tone striped tie pop even more next to the bride’s paper white La Sposa gown and sophisticated white orchid bouquet. We like! Very much. Thanks to Sharon Nicole Photography for brightening up our winter months. Check back soon for an extra sweet ending to this Southern wedding!

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Describe the proposal. Sam took me horseback riding at a local park on my birthday and when we returned the horses, I found a tent with flowers, petals and a big present box containing his laptop. On the laptop, I watched a re-recorded, re-taped and revamped version of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story.” To my surprise, Samuel got down on one knee and proposed!
Three adjectives that describe the day are: Beautiful, fun and surreal.
What was the design inspiration for your wedding? We wanted our wedding to reflect God’s beauty in love and nature. We tried adding as many outdoor elements as we could, including a wedding in the courtyard of our home church, Fort Bend Community Church, and an outdoor dance floor.
What was your favorite design element of your big day? The do-it-yourself mitsumata trees. We even made the hangers for the votives using glue guns and wire. The gravel was pink aquarium gravel from Petsmart! They turned our beautifully and really added to the atmosphere.
Our favorite detail of the wedding was: For our first dance, Sam thought we were going to dance to an acoustic version of Rihanna’s “Umbrella” but instead I rerecorded a personal version of U2’s “All I Want is You” and played it for him as a surprised during our first dance.
Tell us about finding your wedding dress: We planned our wedding in six months so the wedding dress was the first task to accomplish! I bought the dress because it was beautiful, simple and youthful. Another important factor was the great customer service I received from Misora.

Written with love by Lara Casey

5 Comments

Stephanie G December 3, 2009 reply

i loved! loved! the vibrant color scheme! the shot of the whole wedding party and attendees at the ceremony is not often a moment captured at many weddings…great choices guys!
jen December 3, 2009 reply

congrats :)
STEPHANIE December 3, 2009 reply

THIS JUST REMINDED ME OF WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME I HAD AT YOUR WEDDING.
jenlau December 4, 2009 reply

i loved the colors and the photos! it truly was a beautiful wedding! :)
grace December 4, 2009 reply

the color scheme is so punchy and bright – i love it!! what a beautiful wedding!

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Southern Etiquette: Splitting the Guest List

by Emily in Expert Advice, Personal, Southern Etiquette on December 1, 2009

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Hello lovely ladies (and gents!). We’re back with another installment of Etiquette with Emily. First, I just have to say y’all are fantastic! When I asked for your thoughts two weeks ago on my engagement party guest list conundrum, you delivered like no other – over 35 responses! The consensus seemed to be that the best option was to hold a more generic holiday party, but to let people know (if they ask!) that Kate + Cormac will be in attendance. This way, they’ll get to celebrate with friends and family, but without the pressure of save-the-dates hanging over their heads all night. Thanks again for all of your great input – I loved reading your thoughts!

But on to this week. Today’s question comes from our very own Katharine! Like our last question, it, too, concerns guest lists (aren’t they difficult?), but this time, it’s the list for the actual wedding she’s wondering about.

Here’s the deal. Katharine is not engaged (yet!), but she’s already looking ahead to the near future, when she will be. (Side note: can you blame her?! We work at a wedding magazine!) In an ideal world, Katharine and Kyle would prefer to have a small wedding (let’s say thirty or so people). This is not always an ideal world, however, and a small wedding is just not in the cards for these two families.

The next problem? Kyle’s family is, like, five times larger than Katharine’s. For serious. Kyle’s family also feels strongly about inviting the entire extended clan. Katharine’s worry? That her family will feel like guests at the Gibler family reunion. Another complication? Katharine’s family is pretty traditional (three cheers for Virginians!), and plans to pay for most of the festivities… festivities that will be large (and expensive!) mainly because of the groom’s extended family.

So her question: Can the available spots on the guest list be split equally between the two sides, or should Kyle’s side be given more slots since it’s larger? Does the guest list split (or the size of the wedding) depend at all on who’s footing the bill?

Unfortunately, all Ms. Post gives us on the subject is this:

“Traditionally, the guest list was divided equally between the bride’s and groom’s families and friends, but this is no longer considered necessary. Everyone must keep in mind whose wedding it is. Certainly the bride and groom will seek input from their families, but it’s up to the couple to make the final choices. If everyone is willing to be tactful and accommodating, the process should proceed without too much fuss.” (Emily Post’s Etiquette, 17^th Edition, page 572)

So what do you think? Please share!

Have an etiquette conundrum you’d like us to take a stab at? Email me at emily [at] iloveswmag [dot] com (or click here!).

Written with love by Emily

13 Comments

Meghan December 1, 2009 reply

Hi Emily!Just my small opinion on this… If Katherine’s family plans on paying for the wedding, I believe that they should have a say on the guest list. They, in the end, hold the purse strings. Having so many guests will obviously make the events more pricey and probably out of the range of what Katherine would look for in a wedding. Not meaning to be tacky, but Kyle’s family wouldn’t be shelling out the extra money for their multitudes of guests- renting tables, chairs, linens, catering, programs, invites, wedding gifts, etc…it all adds up.They should probably set a cap of how many people their budget can comfortably fit and then discuss/decide who are the most important people to each of them. It’s their day and it’s really their decision who they want to have at their celebration with them no matter what their families tell them.
Larry Hammack December 1, 2009 reply

We get asked this question a lot during floral consultations… it is a major concern. Overall considerations must be the budget for guests attending.. since Kyle’s family is so large, Katharine’s concern is valid and should be addressed. Keep the guest list equal and no one will feel they are at a reunion. Politely explain that they must stick to the budget and the budget allows X$ for guests. Another celebration can be held for Kyle’s relatives at another date. Additionally, we recommend that the bride & groom finalize the list together, without parental influence. Typically, the couple should not invite someone from work unless they truly socialize with them; same with family.. if you haven’t seen cousin George for 20 years, don’t invite. It’s time to bring back the time honored tradition of Announcements – they really do the trick. Just remember – an ANNOUNCEMENT is not an invitation.Larry HammackFoxgloves & Ivy Floral Design StudioAtlanta GAhttp://www.foxglovesweddings.com
Abbie December 1, 2009 reply

This dilemma is close to my heart, as I dealt with the same situation during my wedding. J and I had decided to invite no more than 85 people and to only invite immediate family and grandparents. My family is somewhat small (I should take that back– my parents have many siblings (a total of 10), but they never expected me to invite them, as we’re not close) and his family is extremely large and close (his parents have 12 siblings). His mother was appalled that we weren’t planning to invite EVERYONE. She even emailed me a spreadsheet with 109 people on it– of just his family. We were paying for the wedding ourselves (with a small contribution from my parents), and I couldn’t imagine inviting all of those people when they totalled more than double our original guest list! I was afraid that my family of how my family would feel when I wasn’t inviting aunts/uncles/cousins from my side. I was also a little worried that my parents would resent the fact that they were giving us money only to fund his family’s attendance. We went back and forth on what we wanted to do and finally decided that we didn’t want to start our new lives together with a shadow of frustration and hurt from his family. BUT– I made him ask his parents to help at least a little bit. I say "made" because he really, really didn’t want to. Then we invited my aunts and uncles, just to ease a bit of tension on my parents’ side once they heard the news. In the end, we had about 40 people from his family and about 12 from mine. Unfortunately, we had to cut back on the number of friends we’d planned to invite, which was frustrating, but it was a way to "make the peace" straight out of the gate with his family. Without them contributing monetarily, we wouldn’t have been able to make it work with the extra guests.So… long story short… think of these points:-Does all of his family live nearby? Will they make the trek? If many won’t, then it might not be worth getting worked up about.-Can your venue hold all of the extra people if they do say yes?-Are his parents willing to contribute at least a little to ease the financial burden that your parents are taking on?-Be prepared for the consequences of either decision and decide which one you’re more willing to live with.In the end, we realized that having so many family members willing to show their support made the day that much more special.
Megan December 1, 2009 reply

I actually five minutes ago was wondering this very issue while I was working on my guest list. My family is footing the bill and we need to cut some people and my fiancee’s list is about 20 people longer than mine, so naturally I think they should cut their list :)However, one solution I have heard which seems reasonable is the bride’s family, if footing the bill, can offer whatever number of guests fits within the budget. But if the groom’s family feels so strongly that additional guests should be invited, they can pay for the additional guests. That way they might also think twice about their twice-removed cousins.
Stacy Reeves December 1, 2009 reply

If it were me, I would explain to both sets of parents that the budget only allows a certain number of "seats" per family, and allow the parents to choose which members of the family or which family friends they would like to fill those seats with. That way the parents feel as if they’ve had some say in the decision, but the bride and groom aren’t required to oblige their parents’ long, extended guests lists (and, if their parents would like to invite more, they understand that that will require a little contribution to the budget!).
Born to Be Mrs Beever December 1, 2009 reply

Wow, I don’t have much time to read the lengthy comments above but I’ll say this about our own guest list. I came up with a list of ALL of our family and friends that I knew we would possibly want invited. It totaled 300 people…way over our budget. And our venue’s reception room can only comfortably hold 200 with a dance floor. So we cut the list to 200.But my list is 2/3 of the total invited and his is only 1/3. Mostly because I have a lot more family and a lot more friends (through church and local community involvement due to my 15 year old daughter). I am paying for the entire wedding for the most part but even if I weren’t, we wouldn’t be splitting the guest list. I simply told him that since my side of the list doubles his side, that if there were important people to him that he forgot to add or wants, then I would be the first to cut from my side of the list. For Katherine and Kyle…I think it’s important to recognize that Kyle’s family is large and therefore, he’ll obviously have a lot more guests than her side probably. But I also think they should come up with a reasonable number for the total guest list and split the percentages accordingly as far as how many guests are on Kyle’s list. If Kyle’s family or guest list starts to go over the budgeted number of guests they can accommodate, then Kyle’s family should consider contributing to the budget to help accommodate the larger number of guests. Hope that helps :)
KEH December 2, 2009 reply

This is my current situation. I’d rather have a small wedding, but that wasn’t feasible. His family is massive, mine is a bit more "compact". Since Katherine’s parent’s are paying, I think it’s fair for them to give the number of seats they’re comfortable paying for and letting Katherine and Kyle split those evenly. If Katherine doesn’t use them all, by all means, Kyle can have them but the total shouldn’t exceed the number set by her parents. I wouldn’t even give them the option of paying for their "overage" because that’s not only a slap in Katherine’s family’s face, but it doesn’t address the issue of their wedding turning into a "family reunion" where she’s going to have to be introduced to many of the guests.
Brit December 2, 2009 reply

I’m in a similar situation. My family is much much larger than my fiance’s. We aren’t having a small wedding, but the guest list is heavily waited in my direction (probably 60-75% is just my family and close family friends). Both of us are completely okay with it, including my fiance’s parents.This really depends on what the couple wants at the end of the day.
Charity December 2, 2009 reply

I understand the etiquette problem with this situation, however it seems that it can be resolved within the bride and groom, and the family’s may not need to be involved at all. The decision ultimately isn’t whether or not to invite the person, the decision is how that person will feel about not being invited and how much that person’s feelings matter to the bride and groom. The day is for the bride and groom~therefore, how they feel about hurt feelings or making everyone happy is the bottom line. : ) Of course, you have to consider the budget….but if you don’t know all of his huge family and he’s only seen them three times….do they all really need to be invited? Sometimes it’s practicality that counts, sometimes it’s sentimentality. These days, etiquette counts, but it’s more flexible than it used to be. There is always a tactful way of mentioning the wedding but not inviting everyone you’ve ever met ; )
Laurel December 2, 2009 reply

I had a similar concern when planning my wedding. My family is paying for the entire wedding with no help from my fiance’s family, so we didn’t want to end up with more guests than we could afford to pay for, but we also didn’t want to make my fiance’s family feel like they were restricted in the number of people they could invite. I think we came up with a great solution that has worked out really well! We ended up splitting the guest list into 3rds. Our ideal number was 100 people (this is the number my family could afford to pay for), so each couple (my parents, his parents, and my fiance and I) got to invite 33 people, which my parents would pay for. If anyone wanted to invite more than 33 people, we said that would be fine, but they would need to be willing to pay for each person over the 33 that attended the wedding. I think this was a very fair way to handle the situation and it’s worked out great!
Corin Wallace December 2, 2009 reply

Weddings are sticky, right? Part of the "paired" conversations my husband and I had with our parents involved the desired look, feel, budget, and environment we were going for. When in doubt, we focused on the budget we had and did not disclose numbers – rather, offered each side a number of guests they could contribute. If questions were asked, we just said that this was the wedding we wanted, and expressed how excited we were. The groom’s mother offered to pay more for more guests, but we politely declined, saying it was important to have a wedding that reflected our desires for a more intimate setting. (She did sneak in a camcorder – but that’s another story.) I love Stacy’s suggestion – the "seating" idea really worked well with us. Just be transparent, respectful, and VERY VERY paired and supportive of each other. Every one else will see that unified front, and will act accordingly.
Annie December 2, 2009 reply

Oh, goodness…I would think you wrote this post about me! Here’s how I think you should ultimately work it. Split the list in half and let his family know up front that they are getting the EXACT number of people you are getting and that number is what fits in your budget. If you feel so inclined, you could offer that they can pay for their additional guests, but that it would include the cost of anything additional. Food, liquor, flowers/centerpieces, favors, invitations, etc. When you tell them it’s a X amount of dollars per person, I think they might stop complaining. (Unless you are marrying a Trump or Vanderbilt and money is no object.)Best of luck when you do get enagaged! And try your hardest to not let it stress you. The guest list will forever be my worst wedding planning memory!
Robin December 4, 2009 reply

What about capping it at a relational level? For example, only extend the guest list to Aunts and Uncles or First Cousins and spouses/live in partners. The secret is to figure out among the rounds of relatives where you can truly cut. This way no one gets offended because you made a reasonable cap. If you make it an even number, one side might end up inviting second cousins and the other might not even get out of immediate family leaving the Aunts that were left out of the larger family a bit upset. Yes, this will tend to make one side have a larger guest list but then the B&G can fill in with friends of theirs. We did this for my wedding and stopped at aunts and uncles. This made my half of the guest list considerably larger (my mom is one of 5) but when we explained the cutoff (always blaming space not budget) everyone was fine with it. Don’t forget when you are making a guest list, cut it in at least thirds (if not fourths). The bride and groom should have the people they want and the parents guest list can invite the family. Too many times the guest list is divided in half between the two families and the couple ends up fighting with their parents about inviting a friend over a family member. Be VERY clear with the number allotted to each side or the level of family they are allowed to invite so someone doesn’t overstep their bounds. Even better, ask each set of parents not to extend verbal invitations!!

Real Louisiana Wedding: Bailie + Chase, Part II

by Lara Casey in Real Southern Weddings on December 1, 2009

We don’t have as many reception details to share with you as usual, but then again, that’s not really the point with this wedding — this time, it’s all about the portraits, taken by Two Suez Photography. Aren’t the shots among the Christmas trees breathtaking? Just about as lovely as the way Bailie + Chase ended the night, by releasing paper lanterns into the dark sky. Does anyone else see a new trend in the works? (And does anyone else think that last lantern looks a heart? Because I sure do!) See more at Two Suez’s blog here. And happy December!

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Tell us about finding your wedding dress: My mom and I were bored so we decided we would go try wedding dress shopping. I couldn’t find a single dress I liked at the first place we visited, but my mom MADE me try on a dress that was nothing like the one I had in my mind. Being the sweet daughter I am, I tried the dress on and instantly fell in love with it! I never put on another dress.

Describe your wedding flowers: Lots of mums!! My bridesmaids and I carried identical bouquets, with the exception that my flowers were yellow and theirs were white.
Describe your wedding cake: Chase’s aunt made both cakes! Our wedding cake had two tiers and was small, simple and decorated with sunflowers. Chase’s groom cake was poker-themed and Aunt Diane put a picture of Chase in the middle.
What was the biggest challenge you had to overcome while planning your wedding? Making time for studying for test and doing homework! Also, having bridal showers. (I dreaded showers, but it all worked out just fine.)
Were there any wedding traditions or new ideas you included in the wedding? The reception was just like one of our “barn parties!” The new idea that I used was the sky lanterns. Everyone had the best time lighting them and releasing them!
What was your most memorable moment about your wedding day? Everything! Every moment about that day and night will always replay in my head!
Did you write your own vows? If so, what was your favorite phrase, verse or line? We said traditional vows. Chase’s uncle was our preacher and we repeated after him.
What’s next for you as a couple? What are you looking forward to in the future? I’m graduating nursing school next year, so school, graduation, then getting my first “big girl” job as a registered nurse. We want to have children. but not right now! The future is endless!

Written with love by Lara Casey

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